im not allowed to share with the blog world how ludicrously awesome my bush cultivation project is coming along unfortch.
thanks fil
bluh i’m deliriously fookin’ tired right now i’m gonna give’r a try now nite.
my winnings, i threw my key chain in for good measure and instantly regretted it cos i heard table speak of someone coveting it and the witch craft mind games psyched me into winning.
i was trying to mom everyone into banking their points, cos if you fuck up you can lose everything once you get on a greedy roll, you can also encourage someone to keep going cos you know they’ll eventually get a shit roll.
had a loverly weekend in st. mary’s and now we’re back and it’s 2.47am and i want to spew. i took two pepto bismols when i got home cos i felt it coming on, eating a thousand au gratin old dutch chips, green tea gingerale and some pepperettes is a bad scene for a 2 hour late nite car ride home. fil accidentally woke me up and i flew out of bed going oh man great now i have to ride this bullshit out awake on the couch i have the stomach of a grandmother i need to mainline some club soda and alka seltzers or eano whatever that annoying commercial was about what a party. here’s some of the fun in no particular order…
i spelled existential wrong, ya, you try asking a 2 year old how to spell that when they have a bunch of uncapped markers in their hand and you are taking up valuable real estate at the kiddie table you weren’t invited to. yeah just google it for me will ya, thanks.
more deets later. cid is being a totally selfish dick right now cos the window is open and i’m up and he’s elated to have his peeps here seriously cat now is NOT the time to go through fil’s bottle cap collection holy fuck! speaking of fil, check out his swank new siteroo!
oh yeah i had two well three zits happening this weekend too and i thought about them 50 hundred times way to ruin my game. i also invented the term tyra BANK IT! from playing pass the pigs, i’m awesome. no i’m not pregnant thanks for asking me in the future when i eventually get to bed and wake up and check my comments you stupid sow.
too many carbs this weekend.
sheena made a blog devoted to her saddam painting check it here.
emm and i had a girl day while fil and sean worked on the netz, i got two new pairs of shades, two things from salvation army where i saw FOUR mennonites (they had a yahtzee board game in their cart) and then we played the slots, i won 25 bones, emm won 125! everyone in town had a case of the muuuuundays and was cunty to us i swear it man.
oh yeah we had absinthe last nite, like, a lot, and we mixed it with green tea gingerale (have you tried that stuff yet?) after like a jillion drinks. i also won ten bucks at pass the pigs i LOVE that game.
i had a bad dream last nite and most of you were in in thanks a LOT dicks!
anyway we are going on a magical adventure today and you’re not invited!
BURN!
i have to get in the shower cos SOMEONE is being a NAG asking me every two minutes when i’m done watching awkward rap video and finished drinking my coffee you know it takes longer every time i get interrupted! jeez!
Ryan: let’s talk drinks i’ve never slept in 40 hours now
me: oh man no u need to sleep
Ryan: i see in your future a great hunger for a beer i know im no good to anyone or myself without like a nap but like after this nazareth song ill nap
me: dude theres a brew in the fridge i might hit it
Ryan: ddddooooo iiiit
me: after this nazareth song ill nap hahahhaha
Ryan: fuuuckkk yeah ARE YOU GONNA DO IT YA YOU ARE hahah i am typing with one hand because my fist is A ROCKIN’ IN THE AIR
me: not yet im too busy playing with a chin hair and fantasizing about plucking it
Ryan: aw shit it’s over
me: which song was it
Ryan: can’t you name it and tell the hipsters that you are a gardener but instead of lame flowers you cultivate chin hairs this flight tonight of course
me: i have one that grows every week under my chin couple others too it’s from a scab that used to be there from a wound
Ryan: haha i get unexplained hairs too maybe scabs? could scabs be the reason? wounds?
me: sometimes i forget and then one day im out and theres an inch long hair well it kept scabbing and i kept picking at it and wouldnt let it heal lucky i dont have a scar
Ryan: my cousin no lie has a hair growing out of his nipple that was 4 feet long once, and just one hair nail clippers lil bic shaver?
me: wtf why did he let it grow
Ryan: same as why you and me notice a hair like an inch long like you just don’t notice hahah we measured it in science glass
me: GROSS
Ryan: i mean class i know
me: i am picturing this and i dont want to be
Ryan: well mine grow outta my moles yeah don’t
me: ok molenough
Ryan: i can’t grow facial hair it sucks
me: tho i have one on my wrist and i rip out the hair when it is long enough with my fingers
Ryan: this is getting molerboard
me: people in thunder bay cant grow facial hair
Ryan: yeah i bite the one on my wrist off it’s always black
me: let me help molevate you
Ryan: that’s because they’re indians raymi hahah i need a mole lot of inspiration like it keeps happening i’m tempted to just say hi these are my moles and that’s the black hair that grows out of it i’m ridiculous i have blonde body hair black stubble brown hair and once i found an auburn hair like all i’m missing is red
me: are you one of those overly mole people
Ryan: no no if i were a girl you could call them beauty marks cause like
me: talking about hairs and moles is making me feel queasy
Ryan: they’re in ok places i understand me too. what’s the opposite of queasy easy? let’s talk drinks i see a healthy hunger for vodka in my future are we like fa-mole-y now
me: oh god
Ryan: i got nothin
me: i am farting into my towel into the couch
Ryan: hahah does it squeak are there people who would buy that towel, gross i don’t want to make you puke or anything but i remember i was havin a smoke with a guy who’d been in jail for so long and some tightie walks by and he goes all wide-eyed and pervy and foaming and goes “oh man i’d drink HER bathwater” hahah fuck i laughed
me: ungh pleasant
Ryan: another fart or the story
me: story
Ryan: yeah some people’s children
me: im trying to think of something more disgusting to share
Ryan: s to the megma buddy
me: i walked by this frat dude two nites ago who had a 180 degree pile of spew all around him on the sidewalk and all his buds were dancing around with tallboys in their hands i almost stopped and scolded them like come on take care of your friend thats the diff between girls and guys
Ryan: haha dancing to puke
me: girls like to take care of the situation immediately guys use it as entertainment opportunities
Ryan: i know but i like to be left alone and not looked at if i’m sick from the drink like lemme lay down somewhere for awhile on my side i’ll be ok so i let it go i saw my friend hit the beak of his hat with his puke once, holding it in, rushing to a sink – like you said, i laughed
me: hahahahha aw
Ryan: maternal instincts are all well and fine but if you catch me unable to stand just lemme hang out on the ground for awhile
me: ok i dont like mental pictures of spew
Ryan: yeah ok well imagine i was on mushrooms and it looked like a gay rainbow i haven’t puked from drinking in yyears actually i’ll stop the grossout festival
me: i love that scene in tenacious d the pick of destiny when hes on shrooms and thinks he is in a strawberry red river floating lazily down it with all these magical colours and nice music but really hes going down a fast rapid of dirty cold river water at nite and its freezing out the cut-to is the best i want to find it on youtube
Ryan: hahah yeah or like simpsons where willie’s making out with a rake
lucas and i made gogo dancing history together back in the day, upon speaking about it we pulled out a selection of moves that may or may not have been phenom. retardo looking.
i told him i wanted to dance challenge pink hat guy, he said no he’s filipino, you will lose. i was half-cut anyway and the disco ball rotation was making the room feel diagonally slanted so i packed it in. i got your number pink hat, look out next time. lucas is part filipino so i told him to dance off that guy, he would not.
gill and her pa.
oh yeah i poured half a bottle of champagne all over the floor and a table (thought it was empty) in front of allison then introduced myself and she goes yeah we’ve met i’m like well maybe if you weren’t so selfish and got a new hairstyle i would have recognized you and way to be in the darkest part of the room too. she had her hair up in the babest bun ever, see:
k bye i’m starving it’s balls hot out, there’s nothing to eat here and fil has been playing metroid all day long THANKS AGAIN RENE!
so i got a store credit for my ripped shirt, they didn’t have it at this location so i got a new dress instead, and another one. i was pretty close to getting the marimekko bikini or trying it on rather.
this is a size 6, smallest they had in black, the sizing at h&m is wonky, 8s feel like 6s, 4s look like 10s. sigh.
holy pipes much?
this is a 4.
i bought this too.
i was half feelin’ this polygamy dress, i think it was a 6 or an 8, either way it was way too much material and a total sweat magnet.
cute though with pockets, i like the A-line thing happening right now.
when am i expecting?
and this would be the dumpy potato angle.
oh hi we has a winner.
this was taken at the end of the nite before bed.
just a bit loadedskies.
help there’s a ghost after bonin’ me!
alas, the only penis i got last nite (fil’s sick).
the sun looked pretty on my walk to return my dress/shirt.
ghetto nutritious soup, this time w/ onion soup and spinach added.
blackberry mocha yogurt (no sugar) smoothie
hey claire danes! i’m such an idiot, i was bloated and ugly, but i should have invited you to lunch and then i went home and saw your picture on a celebrity database and right now i am in the middle of constructing a time machine to go back and scoop you!
fuckin’ missed connections i am this close to blowing you up.
