i put myself on a strict no carb diet cos i have an audition tomorrow i’ve been trying not to obsess about, and then i ate a chocolate bar, and helped fil drink two bottles of wine yesterday. buh! and i just fucked up a unicorn painting and now i am going to get a new pair of jeans and i am not going to derail that by buying a new shirt or something stupid that is final. fil did not feel my salmon concoction and it hurt my feelings, even though he is the one who picked out this super duper big package of salmon, he says it is too chewy which of course makes me not want to eat it either even though i was fully feelin’ it and now there are all these leftovers in the fridge.
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now lets play: IS THIS RACIST?
“go graphic in ethnic-flavoured mixed prints”
brought to you by old navy. go listen, hit WOMEN’S.
so if you ever were wondering what you could do to have a mini i am ugly crisis on a saturday afternoon, go to a party the nite before with a load of chicks at it then add the majority of them to your facebook and go through all of their artistic pretty photos, i guarantee you that by the end of all that you will feel like a total troll. my clothes are all over the bed, i don’t like any of them, i cut my bangs shorter and i put on knee socks and then felt a little better and some dark red lipstick that i couldn’t pull off before without bangs.
before i snipped off some more bangs, i did it twice yesterday actually, the second and final time being when i was cooking bok choy (did you know there are two kinds of bok choy?) and could not see a thing by the end of next week i will look like loyd christmas if you’re lucky.
if you want to get some wicked cut-eye from older chicks just wear a trench coat and knee socks to loblaws.
we saw mgmt last nite they were kinda crap but their party songs are rad we think they are too high off their initial success so they tried to be all arty weird and it did not translate after the room cleared out two (mgmt) dudes were kinda quietly jamming and no one was even watching so i tell fil ok go now take some pics and he does and i do too and dryly say hey is that the encore? and the one guy busted up laughing so hard they were just barely even jamming just some keys and a bit of drums very dainty like so if it was an encore (wasnt) you would have been so underwhelmed you might shit your pants just to make it better.
i bought fil a t-shirt cos i am coasting off my new bangs high and i feel like a nicer person, for right now at least.
ugh i just trudged through the slush snow slush raining slush soppy streets to get us chicken shawarmas and cokes and myself a coffee, there is no food here at all, and anyway i am like mega hung as usual so i’m walking through all this shit and i take the short-cut to bloor/spadina which actually isn’t a short-cut cos i’m climbing piles of the awesomest packing snow ever and taking weird routes some genius stamped out in the snow in these short-cuts like bro it isn’t a short-cut unless the path is diagonal not a whirly-bird goose chase all through a parking lot and obstacle course mountains were you on meth when you made these snow paths? anyway. so i haven’t had anything other than water and i feel like my brain is sitting in a chair in my head totally useless and i’m thinking how romantic my plight is and i wish i had a dictaphone to take advantage of the booze fumes of last nite brilliance going on while i’m jumping hurdles of slush and getting rained on while fil is in bed in his underwear with his laptop probably reading about the nerdiest shit ever on wikipedia, i didn’t even bother to bring an umbrella cos i figured carrying an umbrella and shawarmas and a coffee is too much in my state with mittens too oh fil just sent me this it is a REAL COMMERCIAL and pretty much sums up what is happening in my brain right now ok where was i oh right my sunglasses have raindrops all over them and i am feeling the opposite of whimsical so i get to pita q and there is a line no biggie but i’m feeling desperate for a coke but i wait it out and then three chicks ahead of me get their to-go and get the hell out of there but one lady is like can i just get mine now? meanwhile it’s still in the grill press i’m thinking holy shut up you waspy crab and then this other woman ahead of me is being extremely bossy to the dude saying what she wants on her shawarma one thing at a time as slow as possible like why don’t you just say you want everything like a normal person and THEN eliminate what you don’t want? ok so then another guy takes over her shawarma and she goes I DIDN’T SAY I WANTED TAHINI SAUCE! and then everything shuts down dude is like what? and she says I DIDN’T SAY I WANTED TA-HEEE-NEEE on it like he is a retard totally talking down to him and i’m laying massive stink-eye on her as much as i can just praying for her to look at me and i am shaking my head too i was THIS CLOSE to saying you are really rude you know that so they had to start a shawarma for her all over again and by now 5 people are behind me i was going to say i’ll just take hers but because of my delicate state i couldn’t figure out what the hell tahini sauce was and do i normally get it, it’s tahini as well as garlic sauce right or are they the same thing? anyway her fucking annex schoolteacher vibe confused me and really pissed me off so i couldn’t be the big hero and save the day for the pita dudes like i wished i coulda and on top of it she even ate it there they were kinda like for here? are you serious? i could read it on their face that’s what they were thinking like get the hell out of here you bitch. the entire point of this place and a shawarma is you get everything on it, you say you want everything on it and then you say EXCEPT such and such, you don’t hold up the assembly-line and fuck it all up by pointing out to the lettuce and tomato and onions, you don’t tell these people WHO BROUGHT THE SHAWARMA TO THE FUCKING ANNEX HOW TO RUN THEIR OWN BUSINESS AND SCOLD THEM.
so i didn’t say anything cos i said to myself ok raymi you are just wicked hung you do not need to pick a fight with every single moron you encounter all the time and you are probably even over-reacting a little about this too.
like lady you didn’t NOT ask for tahini sauce ok!
she was extremely skinny and had really weird posture and i suspect on some sort of medication for being a total witch her entire life, probably ativan.
oh right i gave jen a hickey last nite cos all the lesbots were doing it to each other so we said fine we can do better and i think we won.
hmm maybe not, here’s olga’s (not done by me):
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way to go retard! she’s already totally denying it too. haha nice try. ps. can you do a tattoo for me on your show?
oh yeah i also arm wrestled everyone last nite (well not everyone just like 8 people) and lost every time. TO GIRLS WITH SKINNIER ARMS THAN ME EVEN! AND SKINNIER WAISTS TOO. i am a total weakling i bet my niece could even beat me up and she’s 9 and skinnier than olive oil.
now that i have bangs i have noticed that every person in the universe has them too, rather, every girl at the hanky panky dildo wine party we went to last nite at jen‘s had bangs. also, bangs is all i think about right now (seriously if you see me sitting alone not talking (for some reason?) i am thinking about my bangs) too and stop telling me to cut them shorter, i will in time, what am i some person you just tell to do stuff and then they do it cos you told them to? honestly people.
anyway, fil was the ONLY DUDE there in a room FULL of chicks, (requisite photog. dude) this other gay guy chickened out of coming hahahaha and to be fair he/we were told there would be a few guys milling around.
\Phi*log”y*nist\, n. [See Philogyny.] A lover or friend of women; one who esteems woman as the higher type of humanity; — opposed to misogynist.
i’ll put up more pictures later but guess what items i picked out, you can visit hankypanky.ca to browse their catalogue.
i was really impressed at how professional the demonstration was yet laid back, it was also nice that jen’s dog was humping my leg the entire time and my arm from the fairy whatever dust i sprinkled on it. we also learned that there are many creams and body lotions you cannot put on or in your vagina.
rachel and i go way back to shitty drum and bass nites my ex used to drag me to ungh i’m like hi i’m raymi she’s like hi i know you. haha.
eventually all the bitches were like WE WANT COCK LETS GO OUT! so my fantasy dance party was abruptly cut short.
we need to redecorate.
fil put in ear plugs at one point to “be funny” and jen went oh WAHAEWAHWHAAH MY VAGINAAAA! and danced all around him like a lunatic. i almost pissed myself. her husband went out to see a double header film last nite to avoid the party. she also told me a hilarious story i’ll have to wait and see if she ok’s it first before blabbing it here, it involves a black eye and a busted tooth and a bridal shower.
i asked if rocky was a pomeranian, he is half pom, half something unbeknownst, mystery party dog.
i would not shut up about how much henna and rachel look alike and everyone else was all no no no, excuse me, yes they do!
we went to unit where it takes ten minutes to figure out how to flush their toilets and you have a wicked panic attack in the process knowing there are a ton of people lined up outside the door and your creation just won’t flush!
yeah i might give myself another haircut later today.
