merkley???: whats the name of your flakey cbc contact?
HEY RAYMI!

me: hi
]um

merkley???: thats a name?

me: ***********

merkley???: oh
haha
they guessed it was him when i said that you said he was lazy

me: HA
u said i said that!
in what context

merkley???: i said i had a friend who had been approached by the show a long time ago but that the dude never really followed through
anyway — i got them wasted

me: and then when u told me about it, it sparked rage so i emailed him
and then second time around no dice
oh great he will get fired now

merkley???: yeah i mentioned things to that affect

me: well did it inspire your guy to do a piece on me at least

merkley???: you already have a guy
my guy would be stepping on toes

me: well my guy is never going to fucking do it
can u tell him i want your guy

merkley???: but basically — i just wanted to say HAHA HA HA I GOT ON THE HOUR BEFORE YOU!!!

me: do you want me to kill myself
can i put this on my blog
to shame my guy

merkley???: maybe you can just cut your arm a bit
yeah you can post it
except for this next part

me: i am this century’s most unrecognized under appreciated artiste

merkley???: ************************

me: oh **********
well dont they do that to butter you up anyway

merkley???: i also name dropped matt good
you know — canadian steeze

me: oh god
this is depressing me
what did they say when u talked about me i need to know

merkley???: and the guy said he might come back and shoot me again for another show or segment called “portraits of canadians” or “canadian portraits” or some shit

me: u played the canadian card!
omg imposter

merkley???: i am canadian you know
i travel on a canadian passport

me: well it doesnt count cos you never lived here really
you are more american

merkley???: anyway == neither of them had heard of you and i told them that i know more about their town than they do

me: good
fucking cbc

merkley???: but apparently ****** has a rep for being lazy

me: im going to move to the country and live in a hen house
well yeah
i told him my time is almost up
to get on it
im just going to send him harassing emails
i just did
i just went
“well…..”
ok i have to go get ready

this is how cool i am

i just listened to a voicemail my dad left me, i gave my niece a bunch of my r.l. stine books, he said on page five i circled the word blur. yes, in homage to my favouritest band as a tweenager, outside of nirvana.

i can’t believe i have never visited their website before. wow, it’s terrible.

last nite was christie‘s kitschy v-day party.

chloe and fil were the lucky recipients of a mug with a long curly pube stuck to the inside brim of it and they had a couple swigs each ’til they discovered it.

i also forced chloe to wear my campers because her running shoes were too nerdy for me, i also want to sell them, size 8.5 baby, best offer.

then we discovered a girl wearing the same shoes i made chloe leave at our place hahaha.

i was basically right beside the speakers so the sound is way distorted but i caught the same song ’23’ at v fest (blonde redhead for the unhip johnny come latelies).

just will you look at her dance moves and outfit! when i posted pictures of her the first go around i said her look will so be copied, yes, BY ME! just waiting on this f’ing sweater to shrink some more oh and magically turn into a little asian waif.

oh man i just discovered the archives feature in my flickr account see you in five hours.

guess what guys! i got my first bangs’s zits! (bang zits? bangs’ zit? bangs zits? ungh!)

ALRIGHT!

the zits don’t belong to the bangs… they are caused by them.

raymi | Edit comment Delete comment | Homepage | 02.15.08 – 6:37 pm | #

my new favourite show is return to fat camp (on mtv) because every fat kid on the show is a totally manipulative spoiled psychotic baby and that is obviously the reason why they are fat slobs to begin with. there’s one girl who always wears sunglasses because she is always crying and the black girl requisite shit starter in her bunk started a rumour that she does cocaine and that’s why she wears sunglasses and then the camp bossman took her into his office and called her mom and said her daughter is bullying this one girl and the mom says she doesn’t believe it and he passes the phone to the girl and she puts on this sucky fake crybaby act saying MOM THERE IS THIS ONE GIRL WHO ALWAYS WEARS SUNGLASSES AND OTHER GIRLS SAID SHE DOES COCAINE AND WAHWAHWAHWAHWAHWAH (fucking liar you started it!) and passes the phone back to the dude and he is like well i think she can turn it all around and cut to next scene.

the black girl hates the sunglasses girl because they are both the exact same size and it is obvious she wants to be friends with sunglasses girl and is fascinated by her attempt at fashion and “coolness” but prefers to gather up a bunch of followers to team up against the sunglasses girl.

also, i really hate the sunglasses chick cos she whines out of doing everything and like, dude, it’s fat camp, you’re there to get thin and you can’t get thin if you are crying all the time and not doing simple things like a water fitness test!

i also feel extremely skinny when i watch this show.

there is another girl who isn’t even fat and her mom makes fat comments about her all the time and the fat girls are like why are you here? ok she’s not skinny skinny but she’s healthy, she’s 141 and 5’2.

and then there is a boy who is totes gay (not out of the closet yet) and a mama’s boy and homesick and when he shows up a counselor goes you’re going to have a good time the ratio of girls to guys is 3 to 1. ok fine but this kid isn’t into girls and if he was i think he’d be into babes? i also like that he smuggled in a cellphone and talks to himself about having to wean himself off of calling home every nite and when it gets taken away he goes mental and can only think about phone privileges and says “the phones” a lot.

all the boys blame their obesity on their parents divorces too.

i also like that this show is an hour long and i like that there are tons of kids at the camp not interesting enough to be the main kids followed around by cameras. i also want to be a counselor at the camp and put every single kid in their place, mainly the bullies.

maybe the vodka is to blame for how awesome i found this show to be.

oh yeah the black girl somehow gave sunglasses girl lice and all of her bows and they were thrown out and one counsellor had to drive into town and replace them.

i was telling elizabeth about this show and she said fourfour already did a review about it and now i am going to read it and try and get this guy to be my gchat friend because every shitty television show he adores i too love.

inmybedmagazine needs submissions.

this is what a 30 dollar MEDIUM pizza looks like from magic oven:

elizabeth says this is a yuppie pizza.

it was so over the top delicious i don’t even want to advertise for the place cos it is so expensive but anyway, holy shit man.

artichoke hearts, garlic spinach, organic all beef salami (amazing!) prosciutto, bocconcini, organic mozzarella on whole wheat came to 27.50 but you get the idea. there is even a pizza for 108 dollars! insane!

this is what a 30 dollar bottle of vodka looks like:

i was going to get fil a cake from baskin robbins but their website was so unhelpful and useless and then i remembered i don’t even like sweet things and then we’ll end up having to get dinner anyway and i was up by the lcbo on dupont and didn’t feel like walking down to bloor blah bla blah my life is so hard. i left the building with bailey’s and cake in my head. i was also planning to get a trophy engraved saying HERE IS YOUR AWARD and give it to him everytime he brags about something stupid, but that is a waste of money for 2 seconds of totally played-out funny. i told him about the idea instead.

+++

dearest raymi,

- m

vancouver hates toronto because they WANT to be the centre of the universe and we clearly are more than they are or ever will be, deal with it!

that pin-up chick xmas card is seska.

here is a valentine’s day post from 2005 about valentine’s day in grade 3.

but they didn’t understand AT ALL because Valentine’s day is a major big deal in elementary school it’s like an office work party for eight year olds

do you know when a whale dies it falls all day long to the bottom of the ocean floor, and all the fishes and other sea creatures watch it fall, they know that it is dying.

i learned that from the book i’m reading now, i’ve been googling a lot of depressing shit lately. ever since that stupid 90dayjane suicide blog from two days ago i discovered, i youtube searched suicide videos, and ended up watching some attempted suicide on italian tv, and then suicide bombings. i wish i didn’t do that.

anyway, i don’t feel depressed today i just feel like an idiot.

the lyrics to seal jubilee and the way the song is sung makes my heart ache a little bit too.

seal jubilee, bat for lashes

I lay quiet, next to you
Transformed a whole
Transformed anew
No longer diving into
But lying quiet next
To you

which is what made me think of that whale dying thing.

talking to leslie on gchat we were trying to out-depress one another and now she is drinking margaritas.

this is my favourite comment regarding that 90dayjane blog:

BY COLONEL MUSTARD AT 02/13/08 03:17 PM

“Hey everybody! Thanks for all of your advice and concern for my well-being, but I was really just making a mockery of the serious mental disease known as clinical depression! I hope you don’t know anyone who ever killed themselves, because otherwise you might want to shoot me in the face right now! Well, it’s back to brooding and acting like a snobbish, intellectual poseur for me. See you guys at the next Fall Out Boy concert!”

+++

i desperately want to see in bruges!

In Bruges was filmed on location; Bruges (pronounced “broozh”), the most well-preserved medieval city in the whole of Belgium, is a welcoming destination for travellers from all over the world. But for hit men Ray (Colin Farrell) and Ken (Brendan Gleeson), it could be their final destination; a difficult job has resulted in the pair being ordered right before Christmas by their London boss Harry (two-time Academy Award nominee Ralph Fiennes) to go and cool their heels in the storybook Flemish city for a couple of weeks. Very much out of place amidst the gothic architecture, canals, and cobbled streets, the two hit men fill their days living the lives of tourists. Ray, still haunted by the bloodshed in London, hates the place, while Ken, even as he keeps a fatherly eye on Ray’s often profanely funny exploits, finds his mind and soul being expanded by the beauty and serenity of the city. But the longer they stay waiting for Harry’s call, the more surreal their experience becomes, as they find themselves in weird encounters with locals, tourists, violent medieval art, a dwarf American actor (Jordan Prentice) shooting a European art film, Dutch prostitutes, and a potential romance for Ray in the form of Chloë (Clémence Poésy), who may have some dark secrets of her own. And when the call from Harry does finally come, Ken and Ray’s vacation becomes a life-and-death struggle of darkly comic proportions and surprisingly emotional consequences.

what a hilarious premise, i think mostly i want to go there.

it’s up there with the city casino royale was filmed in.

so we celebrated valentine’s day last nite cos we players like that.

it occurred to me yesterday late afternoon that we had done it a day early before and i was starving and couldn’t get the thought of fancy dining out of my head and we didn’t have a reservation for anything tonite and were kinda planning to snub the whole thing anyway…blah bla bla.

a cid card for fil, inside it says With Sympathy hahahaha. i think it would be funnier if fil got this card for me, funny as in i would rip out all of my hair.

cid makes the same bitchy face as the cat on the card but only when he is sitting in sunlight and i am talking.

i know!

oh just shut up you stupid asshole.

he also got me a bear that looks like his jacket and gloves.

complimentary bruscetta at fieramosca.

they put us upstairs in a tiny room with a fireplace where everyone whispers cos you can hear everything everyone else is saying, and chewing their food while talking at the same time too. i had a nice view of the late office meeting across the street.

so i’ve decided i am going to formulate some sort of guide to living a fake rich lifestyle, cos this meal wasn’t too steep, if you make the right choices and stop yourself from ordering a bottle of wine you too can expand your culinary experiences from outside the realm of taco bell.

no flash.

w/ flash, prosciutto mushroom salad, pretty good, i think we’re going to copy it too, the prosciutto was warmed, it was basically a pizza w/o the pizza.

carpaccio, not bad, not overly impressed, and the salad was so filling it was a bit pointless to get this.

prosciutto chicken eggplant in cream tomato sauce, very delicious. cos i normally order an appetizer as my meal they get confused and plate the main in two for us, what’s the etiquette for that, no we aren’t sharing, he’s a pig and i’m trying to starve myself?

they busted out some (complimentary!) limoncello for us with the bill and then we were smashed.

then two more shots! we were planning to drive to the beer store and just go home to watch tv and pass out but from two shots of that stuff fil was like I AM DRUNK that must be 40% or something. i said to the waiter oh look you found the drinkers! we went next door to the bedford for a brew instead.

look out it’s GHOST FIL!

HAPPY REWARD FOR GETTING A BOYFRIEND DAY EVERYONE! or I VIEW VALENTINE’S DAY JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS OR BIRTHDAYS, EXCEPT WITH HIGHER EXPECTATIONS. -raymi