FEBRUARY 2007 ARCHIVES!

i am sarah michelle geller.

turns out she is just a LYING WHORE like the rest of us.

elizabeth got hitched yesterday! here we talk about her hairy bush. ps. there are pictures of beach wang in this post.

never getting married ever how prophetic!

journal time

“FUN” WITH PARANOIA

me: oh my god fil stop forcing your nerd addiction onto me

tyra tells of bloggers

i am never saying hi to an acquaintance of the past ever again

i forget what happened to that sweater, i miss it.

dear blogebrity

drunken fan mail

last nite samir and sharpie invited themselves over

so i was kinda blue

fil is wearing the sweater i’m working on shrinking these days.

a dream i had about you and fil

blablalbalblah

oh cid!!!!!!

scrapbooking loser

this concludes raymi’s book club

me: it’s tricky manipulation thats actually not at all tricky, it’s concise

even if you’re faking it, make it look good.

if it wasn’t for my blog the world wouldn’t know i existed

yesterday i snooped through your stuff and i left some dynamite in your mom’s muff

and then i do a dramatic interpretive dance in a taupe leotard.

blogs are self-promoting cos they originated as and still are journals, go to your aunt’s house, find her journals, read them, who are they about? YOUR AUNT. a blog is the same but it is on a computer on the internet, get over it.

what a waste of money i never wear that shirt.

People have told me, family even, that i just have to
fucking deal with it that i am never going to be famous or whatever so i should just suck it up and do something else. i have a lot of anger still about that, a lot of fuck yous to be handed out in the future, basically.

i said OK YOU CAN CUM IN MY HAIR and he said he could do that anyway i said no not anymore you can’t from now on you need permission then i realised i was speaking really fucking loud to the whole bar.

pics

tomato sauce from the night before on my chin and scraggily rolled through a field down the longest hill ever on speed hair

then i was like what is this right now the bell jar?

and this is what fil’s face looks like the VERY second he begins to lecture me about something/correct me/disagree with me and explain in long dramatic BORING detail why i am wrong

who the hell says steadfast? i hate them.

i just asked fil if i looked stupid last nite and he said YEAH YOU LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING SLUT.

on monday when fil goes to work i am going to plug in his guitar and just wait out that prick from next door.

the dude at the door started naming all these djs SO they are worth a ten dollar door cover, he may as well have been telling me the alphabet

happy ann. again!

i like the memos now.

hopefully i will get sued over one of the pics in this post.

i call it GARBAGE FACE LOOK.

i have that article in print.

cid is one of those demons that came from the hole in the backyard in the gate.

we wouldn’t even stop fight-eating for one second to have this picture taken

A SUPERBOWL PITT STORY

me: oh well that is why i am a popular blogger and you are not

i’m drunk off one glass of wine i refuse to not drink when sick i smite you sickness! anyway i just spent the last ten minutes arguing with fil about nutria and how i know they exist because of that show insomniac (we just watched dave attell’s captain miserable (favouritest comedian)) but anyway the point of this post is to tell you guys about how i figured out how to get fil to stop pissing me off whenever he’s doing something bad like tickling me putting his balls in my eyes farting on my lap and so on, all i have to say is I’LL DO SOMETHING YOU WON’T LIKE! and he screams NOOOO DON’T DOOO SOMETHING I WON’T LIKE! and immediately stops doing whatever heinous act he is amidst doing. in his anal uptight easy to upset sagittarius (you’re welcome leslie) mind when i make that vague threat he thinks the most alarmist of things like i’m going to:

STICK MY FINGER IN MY VAGINA (and i’m on my period) AND WIPE IT ON HIS LEG (ok i may or may not have already done that once as a joke) (he deserved it)

UN-HANG ALL OF HIS CLOTHES

TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF HIS WALLET AND PUT THE CONTENTS SOMEWHERE “WACKY” (i know super harmless and no big deal right? WRONG!)

SMACK MY LIPS A FEW TIMES AND SIGH A LOT

LIE ON THE FLOOR AND SING IN FRENCH WEARING ONLY A T-SHIRT

you get the idea, anyway, if your bf is like fil, just threaten him that YOU will DO SOMETHING he WON’T LIKE and he’ll fuck right off asap, i promise.

making appearances in your readers’ dreams

Cheers,
Daniel

i did not watch ratatouille yet i DID watch the nanny diaries, another brilliant idea, it’s basically my goal in life to watch every garbage movie ever made when i am at my weakest. last nite it was balls of fury. i played some guitar hero 3 then i had a shower. i shaved my legs. shit’s exciting in these parts right now. we are going on an adventure once fil showers. i ate a honey garlic sausage on its own in tiny slices and put a few pieces of brie on some. good combo. i would put brie on anything. dfliayhewrg;unb jk ldfbnwrlak/

even when deliriously ill i still put on makeup i refuse to let myself go if i didn’t wear makeup i would looke like that garbage lady in labryinth.

aw.

oh my god i’m so stir crazy and sick sick sick i just want to die at this point and now i am on my full-blown menses yay!

i’m turning into one of those crazy ladies who takes pictures of giant birds that land on branches near their windows.

cid mewls his head off to be let into the towel closet everyday after lunch, i couldn’t bother yesterday (he can let himself in fucking lazy ass!) so he found an alternative.

earlier in the morning this dude was hanging around too.

stupid idea.

mushroom onion (fake) burger, v. good.

my mitts were stuffed in my hat and i forgot about it and this one guy passing by looked at me with raised eyebrows and i was thinking yeah i know it I’M HOT then go back inside to take off my hat and find my goddamn stupid stuffed mitts in there making it more dumb looking than usual.

i think i’m getting a fever.

i stabbed the inside of my right nostril from picking stuff out of there and now it is gushing blood. party.

canadiandesignresource.ca i pillaged this site of cute designs of all things canadiana made by canadian artists, all so darling. visit and scroll back through previous pages to find out what these things are, if not immediately obvious, or just for more info.

i just barfed my head off, it was quick and sudden, my favourite. i had two teas with honey and lemon and a teeny bit of milk, i’m thinking that combo was not a good choice and the pressure on my stomach/sides from coughing constantly for the last three days was like a bulimic just thinking about barfing and up the fountain came. i watched shrek the third and started live blogging it then realised how pathetic that was so i killed that post. i called fil and left a sucky voice message please come home wah wah i hope i don’t barf again. i’m going to have a bath and then maybe drag my ass to a clinic. last nite i made hot toddy’s but with whiskey instead of brandy, then felt nauseous for the rest of the nite. today rules! hey at least it’s a blizzard outside and i keep thinking i am going to be dead by the end of the day right?

i will likely watch ratatouille next after my bath. don’t be jeals.

we watched the invasion last nite. i want to be a skeleton like nicole kidman and wear tiny sweaters with teeny tiny belts around my waist.

i had a seizure when i was a toddler during a blizzard, i was dehydrated from barfing a lot due to an ear infection, so this barf/blizzard is bringing me some wicked mental images right now! that is all.