full body makeover GREAT! that’s exactly what my seven year old needs i’m tired of her plain jane boring get-up, time to break out the glitter bleach bronzer eyelashes and gloss.

finally they came out and said it, practise on yourselves!

exactly like last year’s doll except new! pose like never before! thanks beyonce and mariah carey, fucking assholes.

seriously now? if girl socks looked like this i would put dynamite in them. why did you have to ruin christmas stockings too, barbie? what the hell is next, high heel rollerskates?

CREEPY! why is there a torso on my vanity dresser and why is it smiling at me…oh wait that’s dora the ring/the grudge where in the hell did she find the time to grow her hair out that long? here’s a tip parents and toy makers, playing with half of a doll ISN’T fun, nor is playing with the head of one, intended for make-over parties or whatever, don’t encourage your kid to be a social outcast like that. the point is, after makeup-time little girls want to take their doll and cuddle it which is kinda difficult if it is ANCHORED TO A VANITY DRESSER AND DOESN’T HAVE LEGS.

guess what honey? when you grow up, you get to destroy the planet like i did. yep. merry christmas HUG!

wheeee! sprinkle sprinkle here come the slut faeries with our retarded SF hairstyles.

alright fine, they’re kind of cute.

ew! what’s wrong with your face? and again with the torso/bust/head dolls, NOT FUN. and why is there an albino monkey wearing a tiara?

do you sing songs about how it’s ok to be ugly?

oh god, don’t worry burning man parents, when you’re off twirling hoola hoops in the desert fucked on ecstasy, little lisa will be taken care of.

i would be cool with this one if not for the desperate girl holding the locket like that and flashing some gang sign i don’t know about.

(it’s raining men voice) IT’S RAINING TORSOS! how lazy are you toy designers, and why can’t you make up your minds? pick an outfit and stick with it then provide some outfits to mix ‘n match with. this is my impression of what a little girl is going to be like when she opens this present:

???????????????????????????????

did i use enough question marks? moving on.

ok so you are sexy animal faeries? i think this is barbie camp’s answer to the baby bratz style of body but why they chose animal faeries, no idea. is there a cartoon out there somewhere i don’t know about?

she’s missing a fat lip, bruised cheek and bloody knuckles, other than that i have a boner.

noooooooooooo! at the risk of offending some bitches i like who do this to their hair, ok nevermind i got nothing. just look at how ridiculous it is, i don’t get it. just saying.

what i’m supposed to respect her first before i can get with her? and ridiculously short skirts aren’t for peeking up? what is going on world this good feeling toy’s ripping is backfiring, i feel sad now.

in stark contrast, non-slutty is sort of offensive-looking to my eyes, and that’s very bad.

ok well at least she’s slutty, we know this because she’s had sex twice and even delivered her own babies!

it’s funny imagining a pile of just gave birthed barbies all sweaty and gross, like if a little girl went ahead and was all realistic about her role-playing doll time.

even the nerdy girl is a slonky.

whatever, when i was a baby, my hair was at least 3 inches LONGER than that, and my waist was thinner you cow.

i want to know how dads feel about this shit, once they’re finished beating off, of course.

EVEN THAT LITTLE DOG IS A CRAZY HORNY SLUT WTF?!

hahahahahhahahha “just like home” i love how there are only two choices for girl toys, whores or chores. this is by the same german company who did the cleaning kit accessories toy, hey little girl it’s your future, TODAY!

and then if your daughter is morbidly obese and you don’t want to fill her head up with unrealistic stuff like “healthy eating” and “exercise” here, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

the two bands at the el mo last nite were exceptionally good, when you’re geared up to have a bad time it’s funny how that always happens. the first band, grand pm blew me away, i was all set to be the smug dick with crossed arms and all that but no, very good was this band. the singer does this croony smiths-like thing with a sprinkling of the killers to his voice, yet, better, and he’s a looker too, so there’s that. the whole band was into their set and i was won over right off the bat. i’m not even making this up, they are a band to look at as well as listen to.

the next act was the pinker tones from barcelona, another band i knew nothing about, that’s how i do, the people tell me raymi there’s this tonite go to it and so i go and then i am happy. i was pretty sick-feeling but despite that i was way into these guys. they are like computer party dance until you fucking die music, if i was on my a-game i would have been dancing. they are like datarock, but BETTER. i think they are geniuses. if you want your eyes to get a blowjob and your ears a rimjob, listen to the pinker tones, and watch their visuals, ha “visuals” what a stupid word, but it’s true. do it.

i did not wear the success dress i wore that instead and then ate a retarded amount of chinese food in ten minutes on an all day empty stomach then felt like i was going to barf for the rest of the nite and had to end the party wicked early, i didn’t even get drunk and turns out both bands were awesome, i really enjoyed myself despite feeling barfy and it was hard to pull away and the place wasn’t claustrophobically stuffed with people and i got some funny footage of white guys letting’er rip on the dance floor.

+++

i can’t breathe right now because i am laughing too hard, go to duanetheminx.com just go, he even re-did my britney dancing youtube oh god. HAHAHA.

jill wants to go to some lame club tonight but i really don’t want to go. the only way i’m gonna get through it is to wear my success pants but it’s going to be +14 tonight and it might be too warm for them

we are going to my least favouritest venue tonite so fil can shoot a show, i almost got out of it to go see method man with an ex-flamish type dude i ran it by fil thinking no dice just wanna see how he reacts and he says why does this make me feel like i need to shit? gotcha brah. so i get to stand and hold up the bar all nite long at this loathesome joint while fil battles his way through hot (temp.) sweaty hipsters to take fotos of this band and the only way i can fight back is by wearing the success dress, but it’s going to be -4 overnight so i don’t know what to do. this is my white people problem of the day. good nite.

i think it’s about time i did my roots i’m starting to look bald/grey.

look it’s maddox! fil showed me this isp-revealing function i have in my statcounter, pretty fun to browse through all the companies you guys work at. i’m thinking of doing a post listing all the names. haha and then one by one they never show up again.

i’ll do the slutty girl’s toys post tomorrow during my hangover.

tony re-linked a letter i wrote to him september 28, 2004 before i started dating fil, and i was in a manic phase.

my jacket has backpack straps in it i was just thinking that i needed to show you guys how retarded it looks but fil jumped the gun for me, i got that jacket for free last year it’s 555soul.

the jacket is good for annexing a whole plot of space when in a sweaty concert crowd and people walk around it like it is a person or plough right through it cos it is black and then i get twirled around and get to be in a secret fight with someone all nite long and they don’t even know. hi can i look more creepy here?

christie‘s like ok lets look ugly and i was down but apparently she forgot to look ugly less than a second after she suggested it, if that’s your ugly face then i hate you.

gay.

arrest the kids for truancy then let the rest blow themselves up.

merkley has a book in print of all his naked girl friends, you can pre-order it if you want, and you should cos there is only a limited quantity, 1111.

time to get fat.

meanwhile, cid and fil are on a moth-killing spree and bragging about it in my face for some reason.

i was trying to figure out ponytail w/o bangs and how to make my arm look like skeletor.

this tree near our place is magnificently red and i have been bossing fil to take pictures of it during the day when the sun shines on it and he hasn’t done it and now it is too late cos of last nite’s cold snap all the leaves curled up and died.

we are going backwards in time in case you didn’t know.

Christie: bahahaha
my mom
in response to your site

me: oh no

Christie: “she’s very pretty! Is she okay talking about her period on the internet though? She sounds just like you. I bet you two are a handful”
on the phone just now
i am in tears
laughing.

me: aw!
i love her

Christie: i told her that she would love you

me: awwwww

Christie: she is like ‘well she looks like someone who can keep up with you’

there is a maxim party next friday i want to go to get me in if you can.

that tree woulda been better lit up.

santa?

+++

HAHAHAHHAHA!

Me, taking over Raymi’s bathroom. Stay tuned for duanetheminx.com

R, Since rawr fish is your fav (and mine), here is some in your hot little elfin magic hands. Ta, H

+++

before you run your mouth, i bought that hat FOR CHARITY and this band called opopo “designed” it and many others for last nite’s steamwhistle bands party, five bucks, every hat was different and more fucked than the next, you missed out. sorry for not spreading the word enough DON’T BLAME PERIOD PANTS!

then we went to elliott brood at lee’s, awesome, and of course missed the song i’m in the video for.

if you need me this is where i am.

my tits hurt too much to write about my movie theatre experience last nite, period tits. fil squashed one earlier cos he knew that it would hurt then i clocked him in the shoulder twice with a lefty, my only regret is not punching harder. i feel like my tits are having their own period. GOD! i keep picturing the insides of them like a half oh nevermind it’s too futuristic for you. we traded wii zelda for super paper mario with rene. fil is playing it now. we spent 30 dollars on prosciutto pepperoni and two cheeses at this butcher near rene’s place and turns out we knew the dude. he said i looked different but fil looked the same so the whole way home i stared at my face in the mirror trying to figure out what the fuck THAT meant? our mini-adventure was sherway gardens for fil to go to the apple store to exchange his mouse then we walked around for a bit and got existential and then i pretended to cry and said it hurts my feelings when i don’t spend any money at a mall. after that went to toys ‘r us so i could take pictures of slutty toys for girls and felt paranoid the entire time thinking i would get told off about it, everytime i heard a page on the intercom i counted backwards from ten expecting a tap on the shoulder, but no one cared. i felt simultaneously overwhelmed and bummed out, there are only so many burns you can make about bratz dolls and there were 5 aisles of the stuff.

we had lunch at ikea, fil ate the meatballs meal and i had salmon lox and a salad blah bla something annoying happened and then i felt this way about it and here is a hilarious moral etc etc etc.

i am reading sundays with vlad right now and it is hilarious, i very much so recommend it. i’ll share my full thoughts when i am finished, for now here is some other guy’s review that i didn’t read.

leslie accidentally ordered two jackets or something, or fucked up the sizes, anyway, she sent me one because she is trying to turn me into her.

ignore the eggs barf circling the drain, pictures of that concoction to come. cid looks high.

seriously.

these guys are the nosiest bitches ever.

hiding all day greasy face.

it fits, it just makes me look flatter than i already am so basically concave.

and this is as high as i can lift my arms hahahahaha.

FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COAT, FAT GUUUY IN A LEEEEETLE COOOOOAT!

i think i can now qualify for pixyland.org thanks monstergirl!

+++

why is the new version of gmail so fucking terrible and slow? also, i am putting the MUCH dance 2008 cd on my itunes (shut up) and all the tracks come up as untitled, SERIOUS flaw. what’s more brutal is how much does that dj dance mix where one song eats into the other one and cos everything is untitled it’s scattered in itunes so sean kingston (shut up) at the end of beautiful girls (shut up!) gwen stefani’s (SHUTYOURMOUTHNOW!) now that you got it is sliced in half. that is all. why did i even write this?

i did not buy this cd fyi.

dear gwen, don’t rap, stick to perfume and singing like betty boop and being completely fucking insane i love you.

love raymi.

well, at least she doesn’t pull shit like this.

BURN!!! ha “nice wand.”