hey man it’s like we are so in a boat, just, imagine it ok?
when that girl was done hitting on stefan everytime her boyfriend wasn’t looking she got up to dance near me and whipped me in the face and back of the head with her amazon hair a few times, thanks.
trying to get my socks.
nope, almost there.
then it occurred to me to just hold the camera like a normal person, featured on my left knee is the famous escalator divot-scar. those socks are made for tiny little asian legs, my calves pass just barely.
hey is this the poseidon?
laserbreaths.
oh barf on me you guys.
so true!
wow!! my thoughts exactly.
hey it’s duncan! his band is called madrid and i was blown away, wicked tunes to dance to.
my pictures are super garbage tho i was too busy dancing like an insecure tool.
so i am wearing this outfit on the street corner with fil waiting to cross to the other side to get a cab and this cab slides up behind us at a red light and i hear hey look at that slut hey nice socks and some other talking me and fil look at each other and turn to see three dudes in a cab, drunk frat dickheads, and one has a super guilty look on his face and immediately says we weren’t talking about you and i go zero to rage and yell OH YEAH THEN WHO THE FUCK WERE YOU TALKING TO THEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT? and they are all shocked and scared and i anticipate something but all the guy can say is i was talking to her and points to this nice asian lady wearing very conservative clothes and i turn back to them and go OH YEAH!? and the guy goes YEAH then i say oh yeah? and the guy goes YEAH! and the cab drives away.
haha. i live for these moments.
+++
a radmad afternoon
thai drums, four with thai coleslaw, ten bucks.
radmad had corn salsa chicken pizza, kinda soggy. our waitress blew, not until she realised i had “connections” with her employer did she stop blowing. some frozen grapes were sent over and she is like uh these are for you and do you know why? with loads of attitude, like it was a test – way to be professional.
there is always one hot day every summer where i fuck up and wear leather flips flops i should throw them away.
then anita the lezbot showed up and quickly realised radmad was trashed.
then fil, who spent the majority of the time ignoring us. FINE!
sorry yanks, the big guy is canadian.
vernon wells! he spent the whole time on his iPhone and radmad kept yelling about it like it was personally offending her, dude just signed a $125 million contract so he can pretty much do whatever he wants. oh man imagine if pitt was with us yesterday, the comedy just writes itself.
at this point i put two and two together and realise that radmad has been drinking DOUBLES the whole time, so she had ten crown and diet cokes, not 5 + 30 degree toronto heat over the course of three hours.
vernon, all this and MORE can be yours, pal.
this guy spent 90% of his date leering at us over his ladyfriend’s head, and around her shoulder, she was older, slammin’ body though.
i hiked it up over my tits to make it sluttier and i’m bloated so having it clingy is not a party right now.
recycling day.
i was angry walking down beverley, i asked fil to clean the kitchen, i am tired of doing it all the time yeah yeah he makes loads more money than i do but could he clean it just ONCE i wake up and it is trashed all the time and then i clean it up and then do it again the next day and so on it depresses me, so anyway he does but then it turns him cuckoo and then has to clean the entire apartment after taking out the recycling on a saturday? and we are suppose to go for a walk to the outdoor art thing radmad was waiting so i am, fine, i’ll wait while you manically rid the condo of spores and dust, then he gets to the bathroom and is all why is the sink clogged i said i don’t know he asks if i put something down it i said no then asks why is it clogged ok yes fil i put cat litter down it and all the hair i could find OMFG then i say what is wrong with you and he says no what is wrong with you!? NOTHING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU etc.
so i left in a fury and the point of this is i was speed angry marching and with my dress hiked up (yesterday was very windy) the wind caught it and flipped it up to the entire universe multiple times so i had to pull it down and suffer the sweaty pool collecting under my tits and everywhere else.
that story rules.
stay tuned for when i swore at some guys in a cab last nite.
oh really how about i am waiting for the day when people like you don’t blame all of your problems on attractive persons like it’s their fault you are a piece of shit failure with no friends.
wow really? are you fucking ten years old? this is your great big secret? you made a personalised postcard, went to all that trouble, to say this? but no one blah blah wah wah call your mom, baby, since when are YOUR feelings other people’s responsibility? suck it up dickbag.
heh, loser. maybe spend less time making ugly postcards and more time meeting people NOT in yahoo chatrooms?
oh what’s this? some genius somehow knew about this postcard before everyone else and already sent an email about it?
THANKS FOR LETTING THE WORLD BE PRIVY TO HOW FUCKING SAD YOU GUYS’S ARE!
hi i don’t know how TO DO ANYTHING COS I AM A LAZY ANNOYING TURD HELP ME POSTSECRET!
because you are incapable of getting laid in real life.
way to go mr. breaks his dad’s heart and a future in telemarketing.
hey look everyone it’s an in-denial diabetic, you know what fuckface, say goodbye to your vision! my dad’s co-worker is blind now and his wife has to drive him to work everyday in his fancy sportscar cos he is BLIND IN BOTH FUCKING EYES.
by avoiding bring-down yin yang drawing douchebags like you.
haha burn.
oh fucking burn in hell you asshole piece of shit scum, secrets like these should be mailed back to the wife, fuck this arrogant shameless dick.
thanks for boring the shit out of me and wasting everybody’s time.
move over kirsten drunkst there’s some new ‘bans in town.
this is as far as i got pictures-wise.
then something traumatizing happened to me later on at stone’s place i am too horrified to share, i’ll tell you about it later, i want more time to pass before i bust it out.
didn’t bother opening the brie holy fucking stuffed.
fil made irish cream milkshakes.
then we went with scott to see transformers, it is long and cheesy, but there are more good things about it than cheesy. scott fell off his bike and busted his arm there are wires in it. sorry scott.
scott is a loud talker so when he had to make a phonecall i told him to go in the bedroom cos i knew the fucking fred penner acoustic guitar playing neighbour asshole would appreciate the deep tone of scott’s voice coming through the wall.
me: cid is on my arm i am typing with my left hand it is annoying as hell
Phil: he does that so you practice using your left he is helping you
me: now he is looking at me
Phil: he does that so you get used to being stared at he is helping you
me: i just made the cutest video!!! of me typing and him looking at me and i didnt know he was looking at me now he is trying to BECOME me i smell a time out oh no here he comes back
Phil: haha
me: he is fucking relentless i dont have time for this
Phil: i know you are very busy
me: shut up i have snot and saliva all over my face now he is in a time out
will vespas ever go away what is this france, italy?
these are my de niro glasses, at the end of casino when he is sitting at his desk.
can’t get enough.
who invited lance romance?
what? oh well maybe just the one i’m not really a drinker you guys.
so she’s real afterall, we finally meet jeff’s gf, josie.
cold jerk chicken, blew my face off.
forget what chutney it is i don’t want to be a dick and go for the safe answer, mango, anyway, it’s good.
fil had the jerk wrap, very good.
i think someone in there likes me cos i got a little salad with my second drink, well actually it was my fourth if you must know, two glasses of wine with dinner in-between.
this is when jeff declares that he canNOT handle olives then to be a buff he does the unthinkable:
bravo.
then we went to the bedford and i had 4 more caesars and some whiskey and we played the alphabet name bands game but had to say your band name like a retard what that wasn’t us that was a different table.
i feel like a cow if my menstrual cycle was a horoscope it would read: on the cusp of venus hurtling fast toward spinal cord injury pain in my back and little cupids punching my ovaries.
it’s probably 200 dollars, anyway, finally a suit to make guys feel like fat cows, FINALLY. thank you casino royale. i think it’s worth it, total package enhancer, plus, i like my dudes to look like 12 year old boys. so if you wanted to know where to get those trunks, shan is the place. or is A place.
uh.
moving on.
sorry for the killer stupid look on my face and for some reason i am walking but i am wearing a new shirt and i am carrying the pillowcase dress. get ready for some amazing.
and look a pose this blog is so unreal.
i liked that my face looks like an acorn.
does someone want that party til you puke game that’s in the corner? this dress comes in polka-dots print too i think that would be too wacky for me i am a crazy loudmouth enough as it is and i don’t want to go back to a psyche ward.
i might have to go back and get more of these shirts, maybe one size smaller, i felt naked all night long too, there’s a built-in plastic thing around the boobs-part for aesthetics.
what? shut up.
and there it is on my shoe rack oh, fil DID empty out one of his drawers wow, i know, blown away, i think this means we are really committed, no turning back now.
siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. it is long on the torso like those slutty college girls posing in playboy would wear.
oops i seem to have interrupted a what we call gay cuckoo moment.
that cat is so mental.
short shorts are under that not that anyone could fucking see them.
stay tuned for more.
+++
does anyone know why postsecret didn’t do its sunday post this past weekend? i know i am purely fucking lame for admitting i read that blog but anyway, wtf? i was thinking of sending one in saying everytime i read this site i feel more and more embarrassed for the fucking planet – it’s nothing but suicidal cheating obese closeted nymphos crying their faces off, nothing cool comes in anymore like i put my snot on my boss’s coffee cup it’s just all emo depressives and emails saying THIS POSTCARD CHANGED MY LIFE I DON’T FEEL ALONE ANYMORE oh fucking grow up and get some therapy.
