Phil: what’s so funny

me: your backwards hat

Phil: you have to wear the hat backwards a) to protect the back of your neck and b) because it wouldnt fit under the facemask

me: yes i know
it doesnt change the fact that you look like a nerd

Phil: no i dont

me: yes you do but a cute one
you look like you looked walking around las vegas with yer hat backwards

Phil: you know what you should do?
find a bag, any bag will do

me: oh yeah i wonder where this is going

Phil: put some dicks in that bag
then eat that bag
of dicks

me: wow thats a new one

Phil: how about this
a few nights ago
when you performed fellatio?
yeah, well
do that

me: har

Phil: ha
im on fyre

me: pff

Phil: oh sorry, feeling queefy this morning?

me: who are you some perv who emailed me after reading my cunt farticle

Phil: no
you made the sound
as opposed to pfft

me: same meaning

Phil: well you would know i guess

me: your dick queefs

Phil: ew, uh no
not possible

me: i heard it
you also look like columbine

people keep asking me how i am losing weight, just let me post some pictures of my ass and fajitas and cid and some brews and i will tell you.

ian and fil are fajita buddies and incidentally, ian is currently single soooo ladies, get on that.

i am wearing loads of make-up my nose is so fucking red when we got home the make-up/nose grease/burn flakes were so sexy to look at.

this reminded me of little children.

15 dollars for 5 amsterdam bottles (reg. sized!) tuesdays at the bedford swoon.

when fil can grease all his hair down like it is a wig, it’s haircut time. remind me to scare up the video of when he had a fro please so he can stop being so insane about a teeny bit of extra hair.

cid gets bored during time-out so he has to be creative.

aw doesn’t he look like he’s frowning.

stay tuned for raymi’s miracle weight-loss strategies.

ok i am just going to fill my blog up with garbage for the next little while i have been feeling pretty garbage about it lately, my hits go down in the summer a bit and it makes me doubt my amazing prose.

here we go hang on to your magic carpets

so yesterday WAS sober nite a scary shadow of bitchy overcomes us when we know it is sober nite and we take turns rippin’ on each other and then getting defensive, it’s funny in the vein that it is predictible.

the issue of last nite’s restaurant vs. grocery shopping vs. takeout vs. fil’s macaroni was pretty awesome in it’s magnitude of i don’t know, shit.

i was so incredibly deranged from stavation that i decided to get a slize of pizza at pizza pizza and fil was going to have the other half of the slice, fine, then we would grocery shop/rent movie then go home and eat more of our purchases, watch hell’s kitchen, rented movie, bedtime.

so i am waiting in front of the pizzas for the little lady to finish ignoring us so i can tell her what kind of pie i want, we wait 2 minutes while she passes the time putting together one of those salads but she KNOWS we are there waiting she is totally being passive-aggressive and fil knows i am about to flip my lid i ask him to say something and a stampede of people come in behind us, we are still being ignored so then she saunters over finally and i point to the exact slice i want, not any slice, THE slice, and she grabs any old one she wants while looking at fil and waiting for him to point to a pizza and he just kinda does nothing and she asks him again with her face and i bark NO NOT THAT ONE THAT ONE cos she is still fussing with the wrong slice, totally ignored my request, totally ignoring me, totally MAKING ME LOSE MY FUCKING MIND on top of making us wait for two minutes for nothing.

i bet the majority of break-ins, school-shootings, and stabbings, are carried out by hungry people.

i am too angry now to write about anything else way to go me for blogging this. tonite we are getting blitzed and eating fajitas so there will be no arguments.

we watched deliver us from evil in bed last nite, fil crashed halfway, i made it through the whole thing, i think the theme for rented-movies this month is DEPRESSING DISGUST holy shit.

it’s about this one priest/pastor who molested, sexually abused, raped hundreds of children, adults too, and everyone knew about all of it, even the higher-ups in rome, and they just kept sending him around to different parishes anyway and right now he is roaming free in ireland.

churches are basically corporations and play the lie, deceit, and deny game.

you remember that big priest molestation epidemic a couple years ago, everyone is like WHY are so many priests kid-diddlers? well, this therapist lady broke it down, basically, they see children as their sexual peers cos they go into the church about 14, 15, 16 years old, right when their sexual-awakening begins yeah? makes sense.

i have no evidence to prove it but a couple of the priests at the catholic church i went to in gradeschool seemed a bit suspect, generally they all do actually, one left and a new one came, then that one left and another guy shows up.

we rented it cos someone at the movie store taped a disclaimer to the dvd case saying DON’T rent it for a first date big mistake, which of course made me want to see it even more.

you will cry at some parts, have fun.

domestic blog post

i have not eaten all day long last i ate was yesterday afternoon i have pictured eating a million things the last three hours, it is sober nite i guess fil is going to have kd and i wanted to go eat at a restaurant he said no i said fine i will go alone if i have to then i imagined a thousand visions of me sitting alone on a patio starving out of my mind and feeling awkward and people are talking to me. cid barfed on the floor twice, hairballs, i left them there for fil to clean up.

i don’t want to go to a movie cos then fil marches us there and i have to eat a sandwich while walking and the entire world pisses me off then i am sitting in a movie theatre totally flustered and i put my face in a bag of popcorn and if someone laughes a little too loudly i will think all these insane things to write about them in my blog tomorrow.

i’m writing something for vice but today i was just too depressed to do anything and something else came up, i have a good deal of it finished the tone is “too serious” so i am psyching myself the fuck out about it, it’s a guide you know their a-z guides, if i get too over-worked about it i’ll take out the a-z part and just i dunno organize it differently. i will finish it in the morning.

oh fil is home i will let you know what he thinks about cid’s barf party on the floor. oh he doesn’t care.

we watched sicko on friday, it’s online yeah you probably already knew that, anyway, fucking d/l it i had no idea you yanks had such a shitty healthcare deal. fil and i want to move to france now. it’s insane to think that a nation that considers itself to be the greatest in the world can totally turn its back on their people’s healthcare needs, disgusting, totally fucking disgusting. i need to watch it again. the socialism propaganda scare-tactics blew my mind completely.


my nose is so red and burned it feels like i got punched and i am starving and the organic obnoxious bananas i bought friday aren’t ripe yet STILL i am going to drown myself in the bath.

ready for a drunk croon?

roy orbison, crying. i have a big mouth.

the whitest biggest penis ever (sfw)

le trumpet le dogs

if you are bored out of your fucking mind go look at my flickr page there are photos from this weekend up i am too overwhelmed to html them all over here right now when people say html don’t you feel like punching them?

ps my nose is psychadelic fluorescent red i need a nose mask.