sleazebag zissou

super plus playtex, oh she is fine.

shopper’s spy. i had to pay there instead of at the cosmetics cashier cos this one chick was too busy being a lazy bitch, i gave her multiple opportunities to check me out and she chose to give me cunt-eye, attitude, tone, and lip instead. same girl from before when i blogged about how cunty the cosmetics dept. is. nope, just this one chick. i asked if she was open here (in a breezy airhead KIND voice) and she looked at me and said NO, i am NOT like i am a fucking retard who can’t see that she is so fucking busy hunched over a tiny box of lipsticks and restocking a shelf. um all you have to do is GET UP swipe your fucking merchant card and then you will be open AND you would get commission. you chose to be a lazy bitch and now you are on my blog and next time i will take your picture.

ain’t no party like a tampon party.

the last supper. totally caved.

time is going by really really really really slow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN RIVER PITT!

++++

more poetry slams war

oh how nice, mindi LOVES poetry so i will write her some.

+++

the sky looks like it is totally going to shit some rain.

tomorrow i will probably bleed to death when and if my tooth is pulled out i am scared. if i was found in a dumpster with a bloody mouth and bloody pants would whoever found me laugh? like haha nice luck, lady.

ungh.

we are going to meet samir and sharpie for food and drinks cos it is my night off of babysitting dad and tomorrow i will be too high and in pain to eat/drink and i’m staying at my dad’s which has yet to have internet.

my mom will be at therapy immediately after my dentist appointment so i can cruise the hospital all high or the mall and scare people, or say hi to my old shrink and make him think i have made zero progress whatsoever in the loneytunes department.

i really hope i don’t have an anxiety attack tomorrow, they will put me out right and then give me a handful of pills?

GROWING UP IS SCARY!

suchi sticks? oh can i use these for noodles too? NO? strictly sushi, only work for sushi.

i feel like (get ready for another simpsons reference) homer in that episode when his mouth is wired shut cos his jaw is fucked and so he turns into this great guy cos he isn’t talking, just listening and everyone is enamored by him, well yesterday in the car i was quiet and it made me feel sexy. ha. i felt that fil was getting really into me i noticed he touched my hair more and my face when i wasn’t talking.

i think my brain is damaged.

anyway, i wish i could be one of those people who shuts up cos then i would have this massive entourage waiting for that special moment when i open my mouth and all passively say hey, and everyone nods furiously in agreement that they GET IT.

oh and i’m wearing white jeans and white running shoes, it would be a pretty amazing moment for everyone to experience, i will try and make it happen for you soon.

ok what else i learned about swenkas in the new vice oh they emailed me to write for them they’re not doing theme issues anymore so i have to come up with my own idea. HARDNESS! anyway, swenkas are these south african dudes what blow all their money on suits, like pimps that don’t pimp and they have little fashion shows every couple weeks and compete to be the best dressed just cos! i think it is adorable, and they want their sons to grow up to be swenkas, not garbagemen or surgeons or tennis players, they want their kids to just, be awesome.

i need to see this movie.

i thought those dudes just dressed that was cos they had mental problems, boy was i wrong.

you are going to love this HARD then hate me then LOVE me then gain four pounds.

everytime i do these fantasy food posts i never give in, well ‘cept for the rotisserie chicken, why did i just type that!!!? anyway, holy macaroni.

lets see if i can get you guys to dream about me and food and fil and cid, now.

i am a fucking grandmother.

i’m glad we can be on my period together.

++++

Emma: mac n cheese

me:mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Emma: i was having a fight with someone on sat night about it
they said it was boring
pah
you are so right, what you said
i am going to make some right now

me: what did i say?
oh about eating what i blog about

Emma: you are going to love this HARD then hate me then LOVE me then gain four pounds.
yeah
you just dictated my life
like that movie i haven’t seen with ummmmmm
whoever

me: hahaha

Emma: no brain tonight
anyway all powerful one
time to EAT

me: ok

Emma: see your power i am now GOING TO THE STORE to buy macaroni

me: wow
get bread crumbs

wait for fil’s wink

2am menstrual self-portrait

i’m going to the dentist tomorrow, i never said i was going to put it off, yesterday was hell with my mouth, fil’s mom gave me some orajel holy i just did ten bumps yeah.

we were not allowed to bring cameras to the velvet revolver show, too bad. when i walked in my eyes bugged out a mile, SLASH! SCOTT! MENTAL!!! and all the funnies with their long hairs and groupie sluts it was heaven. so good. so good.

we were going to go to the bovine cos there was an after-party or supposedly but halfway to radmad‘s car a moment of clarity overcame us and we asked ourselves if we were possibly that lame. i wanted to do blow with slash cos of my sore mouth.

we went home and watched ramsay’s kitchen, oh the sonnets i have composed in my head again and again for chef ramsay. what’s with the crazy scar on his chin? anyone?

i dreamt i was wearing red suspenders i think i might have to go and buy some soon. stupid dream.

remember when i dreamed about pepsi and then i bought some? of course you do cos you think about me all the time.

thanks everyone for the tooth advice horror stories i am never ever writing about teeth again next time i will blog about elbows and you will all have elbow advice, ha.

i have a lot and nothing to share, a lot of nothing, shit like I SAW THIS and THEY DID THAT etc. the bartender at neutral is a DICK or acts like one, he threw my money down after i paid like he was angelina jolie in gone in sixty seconds COOL STORY BARTENDER. hi i work in a basement dive, mediocre coolness basement bar and to wrap this cliche up full-circle i’m going to treat you like garbage day.

not cool.

i played megatouch alone in the corner while fil took pictures of this band love kills, anyway, the megatouch machine had 135 credits already in it, busted mayhaps?

i was still annoyed about the rudeness so i was posturing all hunter s. thompson with my jack daniels crouched in front of the machine and i could see through my hair over my face dude checking me out and maybe regretting being a dick.

doubt it, dicks who are dicks spend years refining themselves.

then we went to grossman’s to have our spirits crushed some more, holy shit, that place is usually SCENE but last nite it was heart-breaking, everyone hunched over asleep in their chairs, pints before them, their pictures as ‘regulars’ on the walls.

my fucking mouth is in a world of pain.

and no, anonymous person i am not pregnant, everytime i wear a peasant shirt or something that makes my body look retarded, someone says i am pregnant and it makes me kinda furious, do you go up to other skinny bitches who have a tiny paunch and ask if they are pregnant? holy rude. like i need that shit right now.

and to the dude who said my bathingsuit is “not so much” – you can die, slowly, and burn.

i fucking hate you all right now, because you have the privilege of telling me your opinions about me and my life doesn’t mean you should, i think i’m going to remove comments for awhile.

and yes i am on my period.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM!

Mothers and Daughters

We’re daughters and mothers
Not so long ago.
We give and take
And take and give
Along time’s endless row.
Love is passed
And love received
To be passed on again:
A precious heirloom
Twice, twice blessed,
A spiritual cardigan.

I’ll put it on
And treasure it,
The me I have received,
And when the roles
Reverse again,
I’ll have what I most need.

So may our love
Go on and on,
A hundred thousand years;
Mothers and daughters,
Daughters and mothers,
Through joys and other tears.

i love you mom.

guess what kids?! something NEW to complain about!!

i was dreaming that my teeth hurt really bad and i couldn’t talk and i was sobbing and trying to get words out oh it was horrible then i woke up about 6am and laid there really still thinking am i still in this shitty nitemare am i still asleep? cos my mouth really fucking hurt, even my brain and throat then i feel around in my mouth with my tongue and an explosion of pain hits me so i go to the bathroom and look in my mouth in the mirror and this is what i saw, NASTY GUMMY BLOODY SORE HURTNESS like that green day tooth pulling video but tame, so my bottom left wisdom tooth is trying to grow out via shoving its way through this bumpy gum part at the back of my mouth, normal i guess, but holy fucking painful. i had to take four ibuprofens and pray for sleep.

anyway HURTS! BAD! B A D !

on top of this i will be getting my period today or tomorrow so all the pain pills i take will be competing cramps vs. wisdom tooth and i can’t go to the dentist cos i have to stay with my dad he gets out of hospital sometime today so this weekend is going to be SUPER COOL.

how much does it hurt to have a tooth pulled? do they punch you in the face first to transfer the pain?

i kept thinking i am in any fucking mel gibson movie where he is too badass to go to a doctor.

ungh.

not too late to help out pitt, guys!