for the last month or so, fil and i have been pounding a variety of energry drinks (sometimes two in a day), the least disgusting of them all i think is the full throttle (by coca cola) cos it isn’t cough syrupy thick like red bull or the rock star kind, sadly, my relationship with these guys must now come to a close as today i feel like the biggest skecthbag ever, like, coke jitters but different, random waves of sketch coming at me out of nowhere, i have noticed them before, mild waves at random, don’t last long but still, creep me the fuck out, fil said he felt sketchy yesterday. anyway, i went out with lise for sashimi and today was suppose to be sober day/nite but i had to have a beer to even out this fucking feeling, the weather also is not helping me any. so yeah, do not drink tallboy energy drinks everyday for more than a month you may as well get an eight ball. now i have the severe caffeine withdrawal to look forward to yeah!

then we went to dufferin mall i thought why not i feel like a junky i may as well be amongst my kind, and it actually helped a bit but the last ten minutes i was all um this was enough, there are not enough words to describe the scene what is wal-mart at the dufferin mall especially near the prescriptions/pharmacy area, wow.

there is also an h&m at dufferin mall now, do not go to it, it could go on a date with garbage, no not the band, but actual garbage. you have been warned.

as per request here is the song someone put samples of that crazy god warrior christian lady to, the song is called slag kick. thanks blogfart. this chick had slag kick playing in her myspace profile that is how i learned about this magical song. i want it to play sometime when i am out at a bar if you are a toronto dj play this song somewhere i habit. it is in your best interest to read this post on blogfart’s blog.

help this dude out

miss minx,
funny, after having the following issue, and no one to really talk about it with, i decided that you could possibly be my guiding light.

the story starts with me and a female friend. we were in a beautiful relationship, but i didn’t appreciate her. i knew it, just not enough to do something about it. needless to say, she canned my ass. during my resulting insomnia , i discovered, i truly do love this girl, and as the saying goes, i would do anything for her. i’ve tried to talk to her, and of course she wont have any of it. so, i sent her flowers, and got nothing. as pathetic as it is, i wake up from actual nightmares. the first and last feeling of the day consists of butterflies, and grossness. i guess my question is, where do i go from here? i cant sleep. im not hungry.
do you believe that there is one person for everyone? what if i threw it out? any help is appreciated. please, dont publish my name.

this is my advice:

if she dug you she would open up the lines of communicae communique and give you a second chance if you truly treated her like garbage like passive aggressive meanness you have to admit to it and apologize admit to all faults maybe you treated her so bad that she fucking hates you now my ex did that to me for 6 months and after i dumped him he went loony for awhile he thought i would always be around took me for granted controlled me hit me yelled at me all of that now i want him to die you might have to move on but if u didnt do nasty things to her then there is a chance, also i think there is always more than one person for someone so dont sweat it too much, it hurts for a little while but the pain goes away eventually and the more relationships you have will layer over the hurt and then it goes away completely

me: video of dude’s arm ripped off by crocodile
youre welcome

arran: ya thanks
I think I saw that guy in the paper. didn’t he get his hand put back… on?
maybe that was another idiot

me: it was his whole arm
look

arran: the worst thing about having something like that happen to you is to be wearing that wonderboy outfit at the time

me: he fucking deserved it

arran: amazing
he should get a croc tattoo on that arm
or like a note that says “don’t be a retard”

me: he should have died

arran: haha

me: they prolly killed the thing after right

arran: man

me: isnt that what happens
fil is mad at me for sending it to him

arran: nah… they probably sold more tickets to keep it alive for another show

me: haha
well slapping it on the nose will not train it to not bite your arm off if you stick it in its mouth in front of a bunch of people making it all nervous with their crowd audience noises

arran: The Croc probably just thought that was the kind of relationship they had

me: blogging this soon
it will likely be eclipsed by the other convo i post

arran: what do you mean eclipsed?

like “more awesome than”?

me: what the hell do you think i mean by eclipsed
what can eclipsed mean other than ECLIPSED

arran: wooooo

me: woah i told you i was on my period

++++

Phil: how did you come across this? [flickr stream]

me: but the flickr stream is this chick who is friends with ******

Phil: oh

me: she is a year younger than me

Phil: oh

me: typical ******* chick who thinks they are funny and smarter than me
i think she called me a whore once
i met her once
the end

Phil: cool story hansel

me: better than your fil stories

Phil: says you

me: the thing about your fil stories is they are predictible
the moral of every one is that fil did something that lauren is suppose to find cool and therefore, fil is cool. fil went here, the end. ahahhahahah.

Phil: stop picking on me

me: are you a fragile old lady in a sweater wearing glasses

Phil: yes pretty much
there is a rice cake sitting on my desk from friday and it is staring at me

me: i am sure it will be delicious
thanks to that fucking crocodile video i will not have to eat until tomorrow

Phil: right

me: mmm but now i am hungry anyway i must make espresso
i want to email lindsay lohan and ask her if part of why she went bonkers is cos of all the energry drinks she consumes

now i am going to talk about anti-depressants and menstrual flows it won’t be long. so i can’t remember exactly how long i’ve been off the ‘loft (how fucking cool am i for rhyming off and ‘loft, as in zoloft? the answer is extremely) anyway i read somewhere that zoloft can be an aide in allieviating cramps and makes you not bleed as much and to this i say yes it is true, for the past two or so years of being on zoloft i have not had suicidal menstrual dementia and all the other shit that comes along with the red tide, not saying i was cured of emotional distress or anything, and/or was cramp-free, just less harsh all around, and now that i am off zoloft, 7 monthsish? maybe 8 i forget, it takes roughly a year to be fully out of your system and now that enough time has passed my period is back to how fucking insane it was pre-zoloft teenager times i think i might have to get anaprox again, i have not experienced pain like this in awhile and i did not miss it at all, cramps spread out three days what the hell? and it is just going to get worse each passing month.

that is my period story

-W network

we saw great lake swimmers at church of the redeemer last nite, amazing, beautiful, touching, v. johnny cash grassroots hometown vibe, loved it.

i cannot see another show in a church though unless it is something loud and obnoxious, i cannot do the sitting not moving be silent and quiet thing for 1.5 hours, my mind wanders way too much and i get sleepy and crabby and moody and the dude beside me was loud-breathing THROUGH HIS NOSE so during the quiet parts of the songs all i could hear was his breathing also i am on my period so my 0-rage meter is extremely sensitive. despite all that i put forth a good effort in the giving a shit department and i wish we grabbed a cd before leaving.

then we got our drink-on at hemingway’s and bumped into fil’s old school chums ruth and kerri who were having girl’s nite out, we had a good conversation about kindergarden and i told a bunch of stories and kerri was all wow you had a ton of bad experiences in kindergarden i said no, i just dwell on the negative ones cos they’re funny, happy is boring, she said that’s awesome she is the same then said well sometimes she likes to tell happy stories too, then i said see? tuned you out. boring. no idea what you just said. they win cos they laughed at all my retarded jokes, i’m sure their martinis helped some.

if i ever do stand-up i will have it in my contract that everyone in the room must consume a minimum of 2 martinis, any style, before i go on, they can even be on their second when i hit the stage, i don’t care, i just know i get a lot funnier the more sauced you are and i go the extra mile.

some british dude bummed a smoke off me on the roof i said it was my last one, my walking home cigarette he BETTER not fuck me over he said he would give me one when he went back down to the bar so fine alright i give him my last one then i go back to our table, fil and i’s, and we are talking and i see the guy come back in and he’s totally forgot about my cigarette or he was lying so i made fil go over and get it and then i got really nervous cos it looked like they were being snarky to fil and i thought fil would get punched out but really they had just forgot and they were sharing a laugh about it but in my head i am picturing clearing the table with their faces. i was pretty close to going over there reeking of attitude, i am fucking glad that i didn’t. i think pitt’s paranoia is rubbing off on me.

+++

hurray second page 17 votes.

here is some voting motivation for you:

in that video we were discussing fil’s fart jar, i am mind-blowingly trashed and samir is sammered. it is over a year old.

sign up and vote for me for best celebrity blogger. i am on the eighth page right now cos i have one vote only so far, i’m up against perez hilton and whil wheaton, it’s suppose to be celebrity bloggers, not celebrities WHO blog or blogs ABOUT celebrities. i don’t expect to win, xiaxue is in the running too. i dunno when the voting ends but the winner will be announced june 2nd. who knows who knows.

this is their synopsis of me, sounds about right:

20 something Canadian girl, journal style writing, insane. Loves herself and her hair and that is about it. People either love her or loathe her, quite interesting to watch the hate she can generate.

it’s shitty that you have to sign up in order to vote.

*update: i’m on the fourth page now with 3 votes, i think i am going to win.

oh how i love wife swap. notice how there isn’t a husband swap? cos if some strange dude came into your home all judging your family and parenting skills the lady would be all NUH UH and pound his ass. it would be funny to see, duder all nervous chin quivering, hovering in the background like a ghost, about to say something, opening his mouth and closing it like a fish and wife is all WHAT WAS THAT? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT slamming dinner plates down on the kitchen table.

last nite’s show was a goodie in that every single person was infuriating as hell, the one dad was a computer role playing game addict and his social skills were disgusting, couldn’t get one word right and barking out orders from his computer BRING ME KETCHUP and the wife waits on him hand and foot, the son too and ENJOYS IT. fil said he would show up with an assault rifle. we are going to be awesome parents.

borderline retarded, high-strung, and insane. what do you mean you can’t wear make-up to kindergarden teacher says that? ahah.

i like how wife swap always has a family that is extremely lazy, sloppy, fat, bad diets paired with a psycho neat freak perfectionist family and the wife that goes to the dirty house breaks down crying about how dirty everything is.

i think my favourite episode was the raw foodist family that stored raw meat in jars for months and called it high meat and when the rule-change happened (when the new wife tells them things a be a changing ’round these parts) the son blew his top but couldn’t express himself properly because he is home-schooled, has zero friends and his parents are yokels, anyway he went into the kitchen to shotgun an egg and the dad said that “the raw egg will calm him down” and then they go out to eat restaurant food and it makes them sick and the dad has a crying breakdown in the bathroom cos he cannot bear to see his kids in pain what the fuck grow some balls you inbred fuck.

yeah there are always home-schooled kids on wife swap that’s pretty awesome cos then the new wife makes the kids go to regular school for a week and it never lasts more than a day cos the kids have no social skills whatsoever and they are behind their grade level, and the kids bawl their eyes out about having to go back, sad.

in a perfect world all parents would be amazing teachers but this is not the case, there are obvs. some slacker moms out there and i’m sure a shit-ton of biased info being taught to their home-schooled kids.

i love talking about wife swap.

this classic clip makes me so sad, the cuckoo christian mother’s eldest daughter is exactly like the mother and bosses around the two other daughters who are skinny and perky. i think they brought the mom out for another show she is such good tv.

that poor family.

newerish things to buy:

the banana balloon is all concerned.

++++

fraser young commented on my blog.