ok i am going to talk shit about this lady i didn’t talk shit about before but enough time has passed and i can now do so w/o fear/guilt whathaveyou, i said i would eventually write about her and make it sneaky-like, being a coward is exhausting.

ok so she’s a mommy blogger and she was recently at this event that fil and i went to and SHE WOULD NOT SHUT UP she was beyond socially inept i mean, when you attend any sort of social function and everyone is a stranger to everybody else, you don’t hog all the talking time to talk about your blog that no one reads and how you think blogging is interesting and you’ve only been blogging a year? and who are you anyway do you know that you are talking to canada’s number 1 blogger? oh did you beat dooce for best diarist, no you didn’t? oh wait, that was ME! THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME ABOUT BLOGGING THAT WAS FUCKING INTERESTING.

she had this smarmy arrogant essence and her hair was white and bobbed under her ears and she had black framed glasses it was obvious her favourite movie is devil wears prada and she probably lives down the street from us. we were gathered around this tiny table, me, fil, a couple other chicks and mommy blogger, i was asked about myself and blog and mommy blogger answered over me and began to talk about herself for ten fucking minutes, she totally cut me off like i was some nobody dirtbag.

then during this tour of uh something she asked the fucking stupidest questions, about looting and if it was a problem back then? um is looting a problem, or is looting NOT a problem? WHAT DO YOU THINK THE ANSWER TO THAT IS?! she asked that in front of 20 other people holding up everyone and the dude she asked had this are you fucking serious? look on his face meanwhile there was a huge blown up photo on the wall IN FRONT OF HER of an entire field of holes in the desert from looting.

she also clarified herself by saying i mean, was it common? it essentially is the THEME OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING EXHIBIT! though what is special about it is the items in the exhibit exist because it was the ONLY un-looted tomb.

anyway, lady, you suck and are NOT the future of blogging. that’s her in the white sweater, beside me, being annoyed that she isn’t talking cos someone else had a microphone and a podium.

+++

in other non-bitchy news, check this out.

rented trust the man last nite. see it. it is funny and sweet and sad and then funny again it is about RELATIONSHIPS and TEMPTATION and LOVE. the guy from almost famous who says i’m on drugs and jumps into a pool is in it he plays gyllenhaal’s boyfriend who just won’t commit. julianne moore has really pretty hair.

i only have vapid things to share for the time being, sorry.

i’m going to go for a tan later.

last nite i re-learned that carrying a longboard is the equivalent of being naked with baby oil all over my body dudes just lose their minds, the quality of these dudes, i will leave that to your imagination. i said ok fil next time we fight i will just grab my board wave it in your face and say SEE YOU LATER DUDE!

i take back what i said about being glad i didn’t buy the tickets for the good the bad and the queen, i wish i had, the album is awesome and all potential anxiety over taking pictures of damon would be worth it. fuck.

i discovered in one of the babysitter club books in the back someone filled out one of the fan club forms and they have the same birthday as me, except born in 1984. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?!

i found the best letter on the ground on bloor last nite here i will transcribe it for you and take a picture of it later as proof:

Just to prove how selfish you are you know i’m broke you know i ain’t got no smokes did you bring me a pack!

–GO FUCK YOURSELF—-

+++++

awesomeness!!!! i want to frame it.

this will break your heart in a good way this is some oldschool blogging for reals.

it’s the truth

this is what fil’s penmanship looks like NOW

i am fucking picasso

girl from my dance class

note to self: do not clean skyscraper windows WHEN IT IS WINDY.

me: guess what i just did

Phil: made a poo

me: no i wish
what i just did is going to blow your mind
i dont know if you can handle it

Phil: oh god
what

me: i
took out
the
recycling
from under the sink

Phil: NO FUCKING WAY

me: it’s true

Phil: get the fuck out
you lie!

me: i might even do the osama bin shoppin box next
is your dick seeping right now

Phil: WOW

me: are you being pretend shocked

Phil: NO

me: are you instant messaging everyone this amazingly boring yet astounding news

Phil: no but i should be
hey that means you went outside too
amazing day eh?

me: yes very
i was thinking of longboarding but im too nervous i need a chaperone for the first time out

Phil: we should go for a board and skate when i get home

me: when you skate you take off on me

Phil: whats with your post about doing shitty things till 2am? what shitty things?

me: READING A BABYSITTERS CLUB BOOK
WATCHING SHOWS ABOUT CULTS
WATCHING DANGEROUS MINDS
yeesh

Phil: why are you yelling

me: cos you are being all suspicious

me: look at his carefully scripted “thrown together” outfit
yeesh the way his shirt is half tucked
OH I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO FULLY TUCK IT IN
pfft

Phil: oh seriously that happens to me all the time

me: try hard
also her corset thing that she wears 24/7
and his hat
must have been really cold in that restaurant
BRRRRR
he’s like I AM SO SCHOOLING BRAD PITT RIGHT NOW
whatever i would wear that outfit
haha

oh and while we are on the subject of check this out:

wasterrrs with diddy i love it.

me: hi merkley

merkley??? did not receive your chat.

TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO GET INKED?

i stayed up til 2am reading a babysitter’s club book. lately i have been staying up til 2 doing shitty, very shittty things. oh this one was called STACEY’S EX BEST FRIEND. four books magically came into my possession last nite i tried to explain the significance of them to fil who did NOT care. he in turn tried to tell me about the hardy boys and i HARDY CARED!

i fucking hate how in every book in the bsc series they re-describe the characters IN EVERY BOOK you have to re-read about how there is a black girl (scandalous) and an asian girl WHO IS BAD AT MATH and one girl has diabetes, one girl is a romantic, tomboy, 1/2 of them’s parents are divorced zzzz ungh. dude i was a serial reader in grade school i read every single book in the series and so did every other teenage girl YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN ABOUT THESE BITCHES IN EVERY FUCKING BOOK!!!!!!

though last nite i was thankful lying in bed wasted with fil explaining the shit to him.

yes i will read the other three.

+++

every couple minutes a door slams down the hall, either someone is being a huge dick right now or it’s a draft of some sort, i am super close to investigating it though with my luck so will someone else and then i’ll have to have a conversation, i’m trying to go as long as possible without learning anyone’s name in this building.

ghostofaflea gets it.