me: hi merkley

merkley???: hi there

me: stop the world
merkley is speaking to me

merkley???: very funny
its not my fault your rss doesnt work

me: what does that have to do with instant messaging

merkley???: they are connected

me: i barely look at your blog even though i wrote a report that i do and i still try and keep our relationship going
http://raymitheminx.blogspot.com/atom.xml
hmm it is a little fucked
i will go find a nerd to fix it

merkley???: ha i do my part
i texted you the other day and you didnt text back

me: cos i was punishing you

merkley???: ah

me: oh i just got badly electrocuted by my missing s key so there

merkley???: yeah but the thing is that i never ignore you on purpose
if you IM and i dont back its because i’m not here

me: there have been times i have drunk texted you extremely important jokes and you don’t write back

merkley???: whereas you sign on and sign off like a spaz
thats not true
i always text back

me: i sign off cos i get overwhelmed and i have a routine and blocking people is too mean so signing off is what i do then i come back on like a whole new day

merkley???: ha ha
does everybody try to talk to you at once?

me: also i sit talking with you until i feel like we are finished
yes sometimes

me: when i sign off without saying bye the bye is implied by me signing off

me: when there is a long period of us not talking on IM i take that as the conversation is closed there is no point to be like SEE YOU a half hour later what are we cousins?
i will try harder in the future to not be a gchat prick

merkley???: i’m not attacking your abrupt IM departures
i’m defending my honor

me: i am defending my lack of rss

merkley???: i wish you would fix it

me: yes but that doesnt mean u cant talk to me on gchat

merkley???: i never actually GO to blogs anymore
just rss

me: theres people on my list who have blogs i never look at and it doesnt stop me from calling them fags on IM

merkley???: and i am constantly busy being famous

me: famous growing pubes out of your face

merkley???: tons

me: why dont we have a variety show where we discuss rss feeds for a whole hour?

merkley???: you are NOT the father
thats all i say to people anymore
if they suck i say they aren’t the father

me: i have been saying oh man a lot i dont know when i started
i am in grade 4

merkley???: and if they are cool i say: you ARE the father
try it at the bar tonight
you have to be really drunk

me: we dont talk to strangers at the bar

merkley???: duh
friends

me: well only fridays and saturdays
we only have two friends
we have more but barely see them

merkley???: all my friends moved away

me: i am too busy spying on people’s conversations for my blog

merkley???: i drove them off

me: how did you manage that

merkley???: by being unavailable emotionally
and then following that up with loud bouts of neediness
mixed with resentful texting
and insecurity disguised as arrogance

me: way to go

merkley???: it’s a winning recipe

me: you need a girlfriend and you need to hang out with people who dont make you feel superior all the time

merkley???: ha ha
i need my life to be like my dreams
because they are great

me: we are not having a dreams conversation merkley

me: i like how our convos are always reduced to talking about not having friends

merkley???: well
worse yet is that its a competition to see who has less

fil got me this bad boy.

mark

i saw my old friend yesterday in a ghetto mall, stopped to get catfood and booze and shared a slice and i got girl things from shopper’s anyway he was by himself on his way to eat at the zeller’s diner, i feel bad for him, he is living with his grandfolks now cos he got evicted cos he went nutzo. his parents died when he was 5 in a car accident he and his brother were both in the car when it happened and survived, this has i’m sure shaped who he is as a person, i do wonder how he would have turned out had he not lost his parents. anyway he is a loner he purposely outcasts himself cos he doesn’t trust people and their motivations who knows, i tried for a long while to be friends with him so did our mutual friend thom who went to school with him but thom just gave up, i didn’t really have a choice, mark just fell off the radar, phone disconnected all of that.

it was thom and i who got mark to finally get himself a phoneline so we could call him before that we would just drop in on him and it always kind of freaked him out like it would anybody, but mark especially. he was raised basically by movies and he has a titanium case full of ridiculously valuable comic books, there is this comic geek dude who runs a comic store in my old town and this dude totally took advantage of mark’s cashflow, at first mark thought they were friends but he eventually figured it out. he use to go to the guy’s house to play dungeons and dragons but eventually tired of those nerds and how upight they all were BRING YOUR OWN SNACKS AND TEN-SIDED DICE!

there was a period when he was starving himself “fasting” he claimed, he got to be very disgustingly thin, thom and i couldn’t deal with it and we would often fight with mark it seemed that mark liked that attention, it was about this time mark was starting to go squirly, he started dressing weird and barely bathed. i’m not going to go into detail about what happened but he did eventually start eating again. thom suspected he was secretly eating all along in small amounts and only in front of us wouldn’t to piss us off who knows.

mark doesn’t have to work cos of the allowance/money he gets from his parent’s will i forget how that worked out but anyway cos of this he doesn’t have any responsibilities, doesn’t go anywhere learn anything he has way too much free time we use to talk about him just getting some kind of useless dinky job even pushing a broom at mcdonald’s SOMETHING to get out of his apartment and he said he couldn’t do that, he is emotionally-handicapped i think.

anyway i saw him yesterday and he seemed to be ok, still lost, but coping, he was pretty aloof and spacey as usual i find that i am always pulling info out of him and eventually i am just too tired. mark if you are reading this email me.

me and mark

i am super bummed it’s not the battery that was the problem with my camera, it’s the camera that’s wrong with the camera. LE SIGH. i don’t even feel like blogging today i’ve been feeling kind of blah towards it for awhile now probably started when i busted fil’s camera.

trying to select the most emotional song to play over and over today. it is very windy.

my dad’s house is neat it is four levels, has two basements and the previous owner left behind all this great old junk, an old projector, a fridge from the beginning of time, basement bar paraphernalia, a super old tv and so on.

fil went to this great deli and got 549 grams of smoked beef and we ate too much of it last nite i felt like everything about me smelled like meat it was pretty overwhelming we gave some to cid and he turned feral. then we were watching intervention and i said fil move your leg i have to look at cid so he moved his leg for a second then i asked do you like that i have to look at cid sometimes and fil said yes that is the extent of our conversations on sunday nite.

speaking of intervention last nite’s was over the top, it was about this girl cutter but the camera angles were all arty and totally stupid like egging this chick on and she’s down to her leopard print bra/undies and cutting her stomache and wipes the blood all over her face OK. her parents are complete christian fuck ups too instead of helping her deal with being molested for many years they pray for her and other people in the community prayed for her and they thought that would fix it, her dad totally sucked i don’t know why the interventionist didn’t call him on his bible shit. praying is selfish, when you pray you think you are praying for someone else when really you are just praying to ease your own mind which DOES NOTHING WHATSOEVER FOR THE PERSON WHO NEEDS THE HELP. praying is a waste of time. when they were all finished saying their please get help speeches the girl was like OK the end. plus her boyfriend was like the age of her dad and she is younger than me. i could go on more about this but i would just end up annoying myself more than i already am.

aw fil said he is buying me a new camera on his lunchbreak it will be my birthday present now i don’t have to kill myself.

dear raymi

I had this really vivid dream last night that I came to visit Canada and I went to your house and Phil and one of your chick friends were there and I kept waiting for you to show up and finally I was like- Where is Raymi? And Phil told me you were dead. You died in a plane crash. I was all shouting and upset and Phil and your friend were totally calm which was just upsetting me more. They were like- she’s dead, there’s nothing we can do. They just kept walking around doing their normal thing. They were saying you would’ve wanted it that way. I was really so unexplainably upset though. I don’t even know you.

Katie

does anyone know if clay aiken is in toronto right now cos if so i totally saw him at rolu last nite, i kept staring at him in the mirror and he kept looking back like SHE KNOWS I AM CLAY AIKEN or WHY IS THIS GIRL LOOKING AT ME A HUNDRED TIMES I AM CLEARLY ON A GAY-DATE LEAVE ME ALONE. i was going to ask to take his photo but what if it wasn’t him hi can i take your picture why? cos of who you are dude! who am i? you’re clay aiken. no i’m not not. ok sorry. now i am depressed for that guy looking like clay aiken more than that guy maybe BEING clay aiken.

on my way home i saw a girl jay-walk in front of two cop cars and then lipped them off then they got out and yelled at her for a half hour made her cry meanwhile these big groups of people are jay-walking across the street stupid girl how can you not notice police cars?

i brought fil back some tuna sandwiches and a three muskateers bar and this totally disgusting veggie wrap that was like 80% shredded carrot. at g’s grocery last week i spotted a bunch of mouldy cheese and yesterday i picked up the only lemon and my finger went right through it so i bought a plastic lemon filled with citric acid instead ew.

we rented school for scoundrels it is 60% good 40% not so good but funny all the same, billy bob is a really good scumbag as usual and the special features are worth it (not the gag reel though) cos john heder does napoleon and billy bob does slingblade ALSO i like sarah silverman now i always thought she was annoying like always being ON and her jokes weren’t that funny but they actually are, some are easy-lame not funnies to me but to fil cos my sense of humour is far superior and he can laugh at the word pooh. she is still always ON though that’s kind of annoying.

before we watched SFS bridget jones’s diary was on and we had to be fat girls on the couch and watch the majority of it while fil ate my chocolate bar he asked why i bought it cos i don’t really dig sweet stuff anymore and i said cos i am fucking with his mind i also like blowing money on stupid shit i almost got him one of those ridiculous popsicles that are a thousand different colours filled with sugar syrup fluff whatever.

i am getting my camera battery today and seeing my dad’s new house.

lisa: can i get wasted now please?
i didn’t drink a drop last night
which is just not right

me: woah
i drank a lot
we are major hungs

lisa: are you going to hit er again?

me: maybes we are too fuckied to go out
we will go to lcbo and rent movies
i am thinking maybe beer nite but the thought of booze is like ew
i am like still buzzed right now it feels

lisa: pauly and i will probably go out and drink alone like always

me: i walked to fresh and in my head i was like i am on a magical fucking journey like my balance was off
and i was smiling at nothing to myself like a goon
like a crazy

lisa: totally still wasted
i love that
but oh man at some point are you ever going to be fucked

me: then i went in there and wanted to murder everyone

lisa: the key is to start drinking again before that happens

me: before what being cuckoo?

lisa: well before the cuckoo turns into just plain fucking death hangover
but if the rage set in you are probably already too late
that’s why weed is great when you’re hungover – keeps you crazy all day

me: oh man the paranoia
i cant really toke anymore i have to be major wasted
i get supes paranoid
like oasma bin laden knows where i am paranoid
haha

lisa: i went through a period where i was like that but now i’m pretty much a pro at it again
the first 8 times i worked at the store i was so baked and i sold so much shit
i was in love with everyone
and now i’m sobes i want everyone dead

me: you’re like excuuuuuuse me lets talk about how fabulous this shirt is right now i dont know you but i feel like i know you like really know you

lisa: yes!
i basically played house with them
i was like I’M GONNA TRY THAT ON TOO!
and we would PARTY

me: oh man

lisa: now they are all dead to me

me: do you ever sell stuff or do you fuck it all up

lisa: naw i sell stuff but i can never ….
ah
customer

lisa: and another thing
people fucking toss things on the floor and don’t even pretend they didn’t notice

me: i know

lisa: and then stand in the way so i can’t pick it up
fucking fuckers

me: FIL IS SECRETLY EATING ALL OF MY CADBURY MINI EGGS

lisa: oh my god!
i don’t think we have those here!

me: they are loud and crunchy i dont know how i didnt notice

lisa: oh no i must go to the store post-haste!
but i can’t be bothered
so forget it

me: u want some too?

lisa: well duh
but i think they have the regular cadbury eggs here
but do they?
i’m not into those though

me: who knows america is so fucked there are prolly marshmallows in them

lisa: strawberry marshmallows

me: excuse me our kids could be fatter

lisa: i swear to god i once saw diet cherry vanilla dr pepper
how about you just pile every flavour on earth on top of eachother you fucking pigs

me: totally
thats like my what are you a rainbow burn when someone is wearing a lot of colours

me: hello
stop not talking to me
i am majorly hung so is fil he is on the couch
dying
i wanted to go for a drive today
haha go for a drive i am an aunt

merkley???’s new status message – Away 3:58 PM

me: fine i will remember this