i had to shave my elbow hair i got a huge dye stain on it i don’t know how cos i was wearing a little black sweater/cardigan when i dyed my hair anyway my elbow is bald. i am wearing a towel outfit right now huddled at the computer spying on people, the big towel is wrapped around my body the other one i am wearing like pavarotti, a cape, stupid. i have to make the bed then we are going to spend our xmas gift cards oh i just remembered why i came on here again to begin with i have to look at the bay‘s website to look at everything on it that i may or may not buy. i’m thinking new shoes or stir fry pan.
new shoes for reals.
ooh that would be so dope if i could use my card online and pick out what i want so i can spend a little more time in my pavarotti outfit.
right now i am partying with guitar hero II fil was going to get in the shower but my singing and partying and general rocking out enticed him over to play a couple songs first. he’s all let me play i’m all NO. i want to have a party just so people can come over and watch me play guitar hero II and take pictures and put a spotlight on me and give me a headset mic cos i sing along with all the songs i can see myself getting a record deal out of this, if so does guitar hero get a cut? anyway this is just a nothing post to remind you how fucking cool i am. i am basically the bassist from magneta lane when i play guitar hero so now you know.
last nite i made us vodka olive martinis cos we are classy now and holy shit before sipping one you totally forget how loaded they get you it’s zero to inebriation to can’t speak english let alone any language other than stupid. we watched employee of the month, it starts off all funny then fades into meh. there’s a john mayer song innit HAHA. before the credits we pretended we were jack black narrating his tenecious d trailer IN A WORLD LIKE YESTERDAY ETCETERA TOMORROW SOMETIME THIS SUMMER BUT POSSIBLY FALL in that movie narration voice he does, after about three sips of a martini, it’s like bla bla i am wearing a lamp shade on my head everything i say is hilarious shut up so i can say more hilarious things.
then we got into a HUGE fight but we’re cool now.
one part i liked about employee of the month was when dane cook suggests to his grandma that maybe she shouldn’t rely on lottery tickets for dough and she says uh do you think i should be taking financial advice from you? and he goes SCORE ONE GRANDMA. later on she reminds him to clean his balls. wicked. i like when grandmas are sluts, it’s iffy when it’s a mom but a grandma somehow can get away with it? oh my mom’s a grandma too but she doesn’t look like one, you have to have the whole mumu white hair in rolls big glasses look going to get away with saying WASH YOUR BALLS, i think. pedro is in it too that was a nice surprise.
An alcoholic meth addict stripper throws food, spits, plays the music of Nine Inch Nails or some ‘industrial’ band that aspires to be Reznorian, and engages in a fist fight with her sister that goes from in to outdoors. She is nude throughout. This scene is from A&E’s Intervention, a show that advises viewer discretion.
my papa, ed, first cousin to jack kerouac, likes to party.
albert on left, jack’s uncle, my great grandfather.
nice wheels, ed.
he told my nana he would be a millionaire, she bought it. ahha. check out her pinky finger, that’s where the weird alien curve comes from. it’s their 50th anniversary next year.
ooh la la nana
eileen the pin-up, this is a no pants zone.
photos taken from my mom‘s blog, there’s more over there to look at.
Sabrina: i have been awake since 530 no, i accidentally fell asleep at like 830 and somehow i never heard my phone ring 45 thousand times but when my first alarm clock went off at 530 i was up
me: ah thats sad i get angry when i miss things
Sabrina: eh i am still not drinking this month so i am not all that sad
me: ok
Sabrina: cause when i go out, i have like two drinks then i am done
me: good for you
Sabrina: this could last into february and by then i’d probably be as thin as i like to be
me: i cant wait to buy skinny clothes or wear the skinny clothes i have and just look skinnier in them ha
Sabrina: hahahaha i am doing the same shit my skinny clothes all fit, i can get them on now but now i want them to be loose so i might do this into february
me: i want it to look like i am wearing a tent
Sabrina: hahaha yes
me: droopy baggy sleeves like i am shrinking like the old people in big top pee wee when pee wee feeds them his magic hot dogs and they turn into kids and go to the circus the end
Sabrina: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA that is my goal. ok, on that note. i am going to the gym. i’ll bother you later when i am hopefully thinner.
fil and i were about to head into the magician on sunday nite i was finishing a smoke and this guy a foot shorter than i wearing a total douchebag outfit looks up at me and goes whuuuzaa uhhh huuuh i say pardon me? he goes what’s that thing pointing at his lip and mine simultaneously, clearly he is waaaaysted i say it is a lip piercing he says why? fil goes it’s like an ear piercing you know except on your lip and the dude is still confused and all of a sudden learns how to speak again says WELL IT ISN’T VERY ATTRACTIVE. i just look at fil and then back at the guy and shrug, why bother, the dude is basically a troll, can’t even figure out how to open a door and he is wearing a fluorescent blue fleece piece of shit jacket in the lower east side, how audacious. here are the things i SHOULD have said:
WELL AT LEAST I AM NOT SHORT
WELL NEITHER IS YOUR FACE
those are my two wicked unused burns.
oh wait here is the one JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE IN NEW YORK CITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS ALLOUD EVERYTIME THEY COME TO YOUR FUCKING MIND
and then later on this old hag was hating on fil and i for visitting new york cos apparently we are just like starbuck’s? um sorry new york isn’t one crack den street after another anymore like in the good old 80s or would you perhaps be satisfied with a new jack city vibe, maybe? i tried to tell her that actually i use to live in brooklyn but she kept going on about everything being different now yeah it’s called PROGRESS.
the following is a pictorial representation of the emotions i experienced upon learning that my hello kitty charm fell off was stolen off my purse:
i will spare you from having to see the rest it got a bit messy.
me: someone just asked if pauly was my friend samir is that your friend samir? he looks like that nutso guy from friends that was joey’s new roommate and the one that was on a beautiful mind and also he was crazy on some other show too…i can’t remember. anyhow he looks like him.
lisa: pauly looks like adam goldberg except he’s not cool because he’s not jewish
me: HAHHAHAHAAH hes like a pathetic adam goldberg aw i didnt mean it
lisa: i mean it
me: tho even adam goldberg is lame like way lame so maybe pauly is better
lisa: right but jewish trumps pauly
me: maybe
lisa: totally
me: what is pauly
lisa: well he claims his background is irish but that would only make sense if ireland was in the middle east this has spawned many debates amongst our friends i finally came to the conclusion that he is cajun
me: how come jewish is so cool and how do i get some
lisa: give it up. you are not one of the chosen people and you must accept it, as i have.
me: i have a HUGE nose though
lisa: I’m circumcised doesn’t make a diff
me: i am just gonna go ahead and tell people i am lithuanian and speak with a lisp so when i say it. yeah you get the idear
lisa: you should have a reverse lisp so you prounounce it lissuanian all th’s are s’s
me: yeah if i had a lisp and said lithuanian isnt that already a lispy word?
lisa: right
me: so then it like wouldnt exist oooh spooky
lisa: so you have to have a reverse lisp
me: and then hamburgers eat people
lisa: you really entered a black hole there
me: i am in a vortex right now sorry
lisa: scuse me, Isaac Asimov i hope i’m not bothering you.
me: nice one though it took you a century to write that one out and i dont even get it double oh no
