we played ntn/buzztime last nite and i had souvlaki, fil had the fajitas and then when he finished eating he said I EAT YOUR FOOD NOW more or less and i thought it was funny how it was just decided that i was finished eating whether i actually was or not make sense? then we went to the karaoke pub and the tiniest chick with a proper english accent wearing a one piece black polka dotted dress RAPPED EMINEM’S LOSE YOURSELF it was BANANAS! she walked around with the cordless mic and screamed it at everyone i couldn’t fucking breathe cos someone hadn’t cracked a window to let some of the awesome out and THEN her younger brother gets up and sings weird al’s amish paradise i mean…why don’t you smash fifty beer steins on my motherfucking HEAD holy shit then i got up and did so whatcha want and when i finished these two wankstas were like THAT WAS AWESOME to each other and it pretty much MADE my entire LIFE.
Hope this e-mail finds you well. I have a pair of those shoes you talked about last week. They make me gay when I wear them. In fact, I’m having sex with a man right now. My wife is watching but she knows I’m helpless cuz of the shoes. Totally gay. And so comfortable!
They are big in Texas, the men that is!! As soon as I take them off I’m a flaming heterosexual again. So… David Sedaris will be in BC soon. I am going to try to get him to your city next year. I’m also working with Jello Biafra. He has a new spoken word album coming out and I’m looking for some dates in Texas and Nashville. BTW, good job going off the zoloft and related. At the end of the day it turns out no one really needs that shit.
help i don’t know how to put the comforter in the duvet or the duvet in the comforter i wanted to all impress fil and do it myself but i gave up after 30 seconds cos my arms aren’t long enough WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A BLANKET LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!?
i want to go dress shopping but it is too hot i can’t believe how hot it is why isn’t there an ocean outside my window? i have been a big space cadet since the zoloft withdrawing even more than before, but at least i get mini body buzzes out of it a free high is the best high.
pitt came into town yesterday and talked about how famous he is and how jealous everybody is of him and we drunk-dialed some people.
i think i’m gonna go back to black hair but only once summer is over.
i need to know how many people would come out to my dodgeball party, would more be likely to come if it were before september or after? i’m thinking it should be on the island and the less athletic of the bunch can run the FACE PAINTING BLANKET. afterwards there will be a bar gathering. so yeh i wanna know how many will come for the dodgeball part so i can make a list and make teams like the lesbian coach i’ve always dreamt to be.
you can seriously shut up if you disagree with me on this one. i have had a crush on thora since monkey trouble, as well as now and then and i can’t go to jail for it cos bitch is a year older than i am, plus 20 days on top of that. i like how in now and then she stuffed her bra with water balloons or balloons filled with pudding but REALLY it’s cos she had huge cans for her age so they made her character stuff. also her being the skinny little twig she is she was like the last person you’d think to have cannons the size of my head so it was like wicked score thora, thanks!
another cool thing about her is how she can get super fat and then skinny like a second later and still be super fucking rad. like in american beauty mena suvari was suppose to steal her thunder sexily-wise but then that creepy hot guy next door was only interested in thora and then thora was all mean to mena cos mena was a big lying whore with an even massiver forehead than thora so in that way mena DID steal some thunder but it was only because she has some weird moles on her chest and her forehead can pick up satellite feeds from outerspace…
where was i?
oh yeah, thora is just straight-up intimidating-like cool like you are afraid to say the wrong era of music you are referencing around her cos she would just shake her head and then you have to go to the bathroom and say IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT and masturbate like you are putting a fire out while crying and cutting yourself huh? just me?
and then i come back all post-cum crazy angry like how you aren’t suppose to talk to a guy for fifteen minutes after he ejaculates until his balls fill up with his love juice cos he is crazy pissy/moody/irritable, so yeah that’s me coming out to thora and being all WHAT!? and then she likes me again and we hold hands.
anyway, other than all that coolness obsession-like hype, if you were deaf and dumb you could still have a hard-on for her cos like, LOOK. AT. HER.
