everytime i am watching a movie with fil and she’s innit i turn to him and witchily accuse him of having a fucking crush on her a hundred times and by the end i am so psychotically irrationally jealous i want to jump through a wall of fire i mean a fucking brick wall, AND it’s on fire so i am ensured to get all fucked up from the bricks and then set on fire for additional pain.
anyway this bitch is scary and i like that, you can’t tell if she has down-syndrome or like a higher essence of beauty that the rest of us lumpheads haven’t discovered yet.
her voice drives me a little crazy too – it’s all deepish and highish at the same time, and she seems to be really smart and if i met her i would lose the chip on my shoulder immediately. in that winter movie with will ferrel she’s sitting on her windowsill in her underwear and a t-shirt after a nite of coke and her scaggy theatre friend comes over and tries to kiss her and she says PLEASE LEAVE and he does and i swear to christ my vagina opened up like one of those venus flytraps in little shop of horrors. she also seems like a big drinker and we all know my fondness of le drink and girls who swim in sauce i would totally let her punch me in the face and then stand there laughing and pointing at her like i “get it” all the while my teeth are busted.
also, i bet if she walked in a room and someone was shooting up she’d be all i don’t give a care and eat some skittles and watch the tube like her grandma was on her way over.
sometimes her hair is all crazy cave lady junky-looking and i’m like ps. can i live in it? ok this is getting borderline stalky now bye.
tell me something better to bump into whilst on shrooms, knee-deep in overpriced beers, sunshine and girls in h&m dresses, fuckin’ tell me!
ping pong remix
if you value your time as much as i don’t, watch this. it’s that usher song you know that goes bwing bweeg bwung bweeeng and there are lazer beams and stuff except it’s little boys dressed in drag. DO IT. i think white privileged kids are what 2006 is all about, they’re pretty good dancers.
if you don’t like diarrhea don’t get a caramel iced espresso large.
ever get that feeling that you just saw someone you knew way back when and then you sort of convince yourself that YES that TOTALLY was herb from grade 3? i think that shit happens cos your subconscious is lead by your pathetic heart and desire to connect with someone, something, anything familiar i dunno, the need to exist in a constant mystical state of what things were like when you could barely tie laces.
>Dear Raymi, > >I finally got your book today. > >The honesty of it just kills me. That is all I can really say. I have many people in my life suffering from depression; my dad suffered from alcoholism as well as depression, and it gives a lot of honest insight into what depression really is, and what it does to people. Fuck self-help books, your book doesn’t tell you how to manage things, it tells you what everything is like, mindset you have, everything. It is a vulnerable book in the way it is so honest. I know that sounds really gay but that is the feeling I get from a lot of it. Defeated and vulnerable, yet at the same time the reality of everything is just thrown at you without any fancy adjectives or what have you. It isn’t ‘let’s dress up a mental condition and tragic life events and form them into a romantic story that kids everywhere will aspire to emulate’. > >I don’t have to tell you what your book is, as so many bloggers have already reviewed it. But I am really greatful for it, and am giving it to my boyfriend to read because he is depressed and won’t admit it. I think maybe once he reads it he will be able to see a lot of himself and realize that maybe he needs to come to terms with some things and possibly get help if he wants to. > >Thank you. >Brianna
1. do not make a big deal about it, go about your days without talking about it thinking about it anything about it and then when that tidal wave of sadness hits you, you are like boy i’m sad and then you go that’s right i’m depressed i totally forgot! if you act like a functioning depressive things are way easier and less people will avoid you which segues into
2. get a sense of humor, don’t be a debbie downer and see the fucking negative in everything in an unfunny way for the love of fuck do you want to be alone for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!?! holy shit if you’re going to be sad at least cheer somebody else up, that’s why comedians are comedians, they’re so fucking blue that making other people laugh is a total necessity why do you think i post ten trillion times a second and come up with all this witty banter? yeah i’m real funny and i’m really depressed DUH! did you think it was because i really liked you guys? ha ha WRONG!
3. ok i do sort of like you guys but you see what i did there? i made a JOKE, fucking try it sometime, guys le douche.
4. spend money on clothes that make you look awesome and then you will feel awesome but don’t over do it with the accessories please, you are NOT a fucking christmas tree.
5. hang out with someone less cool than you and let them try and impress you all day long and if you are feeling extra generous let them buy you something and make out with them if you feel it necessary for them to be available for your next tidal sadness wave.
6. do NOT cut your hair if you are a girl, give your bangs a little chop if absolutely necessary but do not go hmm i think i would feel ten times better if i looked like HILARY SWANK IN BOYS DON’T CRY you will fucking regret it and every other person you pass on the street will think inside their heads WOW THAT CHICK IS MENTALLY UNSTABLE and then when your sadness week resides you will be totally revolted by the sight of your head and then you’ll do a bunch of drugs to forget what you look like and two years later you are still bingeing about to bottom-out and your hair is just about shoulder-length and you are a strung-out pile of garbage true story, buy my book.
7. if you feel the need to discuss your dark past, make little jokes about it so the listener is more comfortable and then you can talk about all the nasty shit you want virtually guilt-free. for example: the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side and smashed hot pizza in my face from a violent coke rage and that chicken was actually my ex weed dealer boyfriend want to rent wedding crashers?
8. develop a drinking habit? they say that alcohol is actually a depressant though i find that the people who say that are my mom and psychologists who aren’t allowed to drink cos of their family obligations and bothersome wives so like they totally want to get plastered but they have respectable jobs i don’t know THEY’RE not depressed so FUCK THEM i mean if you can be a functioning alcoholic fine by you don’t do it cos i say so these are just friendly suggestions. fine, PLAY FRISBEE.
9. i am getting bored of this list, smoke weed if you don’t have delusional anxiety attacks like me and totally write off the next 6 hours of your life watching whatever dvd box-set your retarded roommate rented for the week is this rocket science people?!!
