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this week i am going to buy the perfect dress. i have three weddings to go to, one in september and two in october. this dress needs to have stains already on it. maybe i will buy three dresses? borrow one buy two? anyway i tried one on the other day and it made me look super retardedly flat-chested like the girl on the bleachers at the school dance who no one sits near or dances with except when/if i rock it i will be dance machine 3000 i’m considering buying it for comedic purposes seriously if you see me in it you will be like HAHAHA and want to be my best friend forever and we will go puddle-jumping with wet busted cigarettes hanging out of our mouths.

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