for the past month my tits have been gigantic so much so it’s like excuse me why aren’t you guys discussing the size of my breasts? RUUUUDE!

i was ripped off 60 bucks at the atm at college and manning, the BMO don’t use the one closest to the entrance it is a stealer, i mean it. fil’s mom is helping me with a shared cash investigation because she is a detective, well, works at my bank. exciting.

fil made jerk pork last nite it’s so hot you can see through time.

i feel smarmy eccentric like if i don’t change my outfit right now i will go into a shame spiral.

i read somewhere that when females menstruate they dress sexier and i forget all the reasons why but i agree with it 100 per cent cos i always try and dress slutty when i am perioding cos i figure i’m bloated and 3/4 suicidal i have to do something to fix it oh i know, HOT PANTS!

raymi says:

do you want to talk to emo raymi

merkley??? says:

is she crying?

raymi says:

haha

raymi says:

maybe soon

raymi says:

she is on her period

raymi says:

wait take away the ‘haha’

i am menstruating. no wonder i hate everyone and thing that so much as looks at me. the weather is not helping either. i am sad that i am almost finished my book i feel like the book is my friend. wow, what a loser. you know what i mean. a good 120 pages are devoted to nothing but large font jargon as is typical coupland-fashion. i remember i use to write dear douglas coupland letters all the time and then someone found me his email address and i wrote to him and he didn’t write back. feh. i wrote crazy nonsense most likely.

dear doug

()A&D&)(*AY jHVMH v nmj m!!! hahaha KULDSAG;iuwage

AND THEN THE CHICKEN lkgit 32y6987787 8811000101
0111010110110000010101010101

and so on

if i were to write him now it would be more or less the same shit.

dear douglas coupland

you are obsessed with pop culture and spending a lot of money on stuff and then talking about it a lot. me too.

love raymi

yesterday sucked and so will today probably. the weather is dark and not appreciated, this is sunday weather it has no business showing up on a tuesday. i am almost finished jPod and it is an awesome book. i would discuss it but i don’t want to ruin it, unlike movies, books should not be ruined. douglas coupland shows up a lot in it though.

whale takes out kayak

!!!

sleepy kitten

awwwwdorable.

i was walking into a building and yawning and this scraggily older guy goes to me YOU TIRED ALREADY!? and i went YEAH I’M ALWAYS TIRED and he chuckles and says ten times louder than his first question YOU SHOULD STOP PARTYING THEN!!!

ughhh.

don’t make me strangle your head off, beanpole.

how do you know i’m not a student who stays up on adderal ’til 6am studying or like a brain surgeon, and who are you crazyhead with your pants pulled up to your ribcage and you are chain smoking.

my horoscope in dose magazine said that in the history of time no one has ever looked as mashed up as i do today.

fucking think you are so clever FREE papers can kiss my fucking ass. then i read fil’s and it was all nice to him and said ENJOY THE MADNESS as in YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A FUCKING CRAZY BITCH.

i wish i was a character in jPod.

yesterday driving up university fil made a light and up ahead another one just blinked green so he guns it and like 6 jocks and a few slutty chicks probably from the states are crossing the street when they shouldn’t have been so fil brakes it and my feet are all clenched cos i’m picturing all of their legs being mangled and we are stopped maybe fifteen feet in the intersection and one of these jock guys SPITS ON FIL’S CAR and calls him crazy then he comes around my side and i have one hand on the buckle going to get out and kill this guy type thing (wine rage) and at the same time i’m opening the window and once we make eye contact he’s all what the.. dur duh duh and one guy in the background is saying to him DUDE IT WAS A GREEN LIGHT! and this is my cue to cut them all off and proclaim (get ready for caps lock dudes!)

YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT FAGGOT!!11!!

and then fil guns it and we take off into the night

and we high-fived

i was so close to getting out and punching that guy and fil said he’d have to fight five guys if i did but i said no technically it would be the girls coming in to have that guy’s back cos he couldn’t put his hands on me and the guys couldn’t do anything and you are in the driver’s seat and everyone behind us in their cars have our back and those girls were wearing stupid strappy high heeled white sandals i could so take them all

funny i was wearing black fishnets and boots and a mini slutty jean skirt so it would definitely be one of those hot girl fights

but still i had the adrenaline i will fucking destroy you rage and that guy was smaller than me so all this taken into account i was so totally BRING IT

i haven’t been that angry in a long time, like, justifiably angry.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!1111

YO MAMA JOKES

i don’t think that i brushed my teeth at all yesterday

ok

i know that i didn’t

i did not perform one single act of personal hygiene

i did buy tang and plain yogurt and two bananas and made smoothies

with vodka

and some ice

the mix looks like eggnog after you blend it all together

i was thinking it would be funny to make a big batch and have a christmas party just to trick people

then i thought is that even funny?

rented pretty persuasions last nite and it is good the main chick’s body is killer

and she’s totally evil and smart and slutty

and fifteen

which is the only part the ruins it

leonard cohen was in town nearby yesterday and we did not meet him

feh

for breakfast i ordered heuvos rancheros consisting of avocado and sour cream and two poached eggs salsa and homefries

and cheese

i either totally blacked out on the eating of the first poached egg or they ripped me off and gave me one

being president of the hangover department i said nothing

fil drank a four dollar “large” orange juice

sarah had bacon and eggs and used a fork and knife to eat her bacon

i ate two pieces of toast and put the crusts back in the basket and sarah did not like it

later fil said he didn’t like nuts but ate 85% of a bag of cajun cashews

are they nuts or legumes

who cares