meet sabrina. she has massive fuckin’ tits so i asked her about them.
1. how old were you when your tits started growing,
how did it affect you in school, were you popular cos
of it, ashamed?
I was in 5th grade which means I was like 10 years
old. I went from an A cup to a B cup relatively
quick. It didn’t really effect me in any way that I
can conceive. I used to beat a lot of people up. I
wouldn’t call myself a bully as much as a pain in the
ass. I used to sit in class and take off my bra while
Mrs. Colquitt, the dumb fucking whore, was teaching.
I sat in the back of the room with the bad boys. I
would take my bra off and put it in my back pack. No
one ever noticed, if they did they never said anything
because I would probably pound the hell out of them.
In a non-sexual way, of course. Later on a dragon
flew out of my mouth and I gained the gift of AWESOME
from an Orchid that I had to put my finger in. That
is symbolic for like putting your finger in a vagina.
My vagina. Put your finger in my fucking vagina.
Thanks.
2. what is your actual breast size?
My actual breast size is kinda unknown. I wear a 38
dd bra. I wear it because a ddd is too lame to
find, and when you do find it the bras all look like a
fat ugly grandma should be wearing them.
3. does your back hurt?
I broke my neck when I was 19 my body got mangled in a
car accident. My back always hurts. I can’t actually
blame it on my teets, but I bet they do not help a bad
situation get worse.
4. have you considered breast reduction?
I have considered a breast reduction, but then I also
considered how fucking ugly those scars are and my
breasts are far too awesome to mangle with a goddamn
spear, or knife or pair of scissors or whatever the
fuck they would use. I have nice boobs, they are
aesthetically correct and look nice when I am naked.
The nipples are not too big or too ugly. They are
pierced. They can shoot an automatic weapon. They
have had sex with your mom. And they know kung-fu.
Seriously, why would I want to hack them up when they
are that AWESOME?
5. how do you feel about having big boobs? love it,
hate it?
It’s not that I have big boobs. It’s that I have the
biggest boobs in a 2000 mile radius. Everyone has a
comment to make about them, and they always act like
it is so fucking original. I stab these people in the
eye. On Tuesdays I carry a bear trap in between my
giant flops of skin. One time I was in my friend’s
car and we were drinking Jack Daniels(tm) in the back
seat. The driver got pulled over and I hid the entire
40oz in between my boobies. Just shoved the mother
fucker right down in between there. He did not have
to pass go, or collect two hundred dollars. I could
probably smuggle a glock into an elementary school
that way. So far I have avoided jail time. If you
are not impressed by now I hope you turn into a
fucking hermaphrodite.
6. what do you do when drunk losers say stupid shit to
you in bars about your tits or whatever else, how do u
handle it, does it get on your nerves?
There will always be drunk losers at bars. There will
always be Sabrina at bars. That is how it works at
bars. Usually, they try to talk to me and I tell them
things like I just ate a baby or I only have sex
with small Chinese boys named Chuck Norris. This
usually keeps them at bay. If they persist it means
they are going to get pounded by myself or one of my
friends. Usually, I am too drunk to care that anyone
could be making a comment about my glorious titties.
My sister says that I cannot call my boobs titties
because they are too big to be titties. Titties are
for cute smallish boobies and not massive,
zip-locked bags of fat stapled to my chest. We love
her dearly because she can shoot the apple off the
head of a midget with acute accuracy after doing 21
shots of Tuaca(tm). Sometimes at bars I put my drink
in between my breasts so I can sneak drinks outside.
I am a sneaker like that. Sometimes I pretend I am
Mariah Carey and let homeless dudes suck on them. Ok,
I don’t, but Mariah Carey does. I swear.
7. any funny stories to share, embarassing stories.
have you ever totally lost it on someone?
I have lost it on a lot of people. I mean, I am
volatile. I am Sicilian. I am crazy. And on top
of it all I have a pair of the most gigant knockers
one can purchase for the mere price of your human
soul. Many a man has sold his soul to me in exchange
for a simple glance of the AWESOME. My sister used to
punch me in them and scream, I am giving you a
tumor! I am currently waiting for said tumor. When
I get it, I will have my sister roundhouse kick the
shit out of it until it goes away. Friday, I was at
the Standard Downtown in Los Angeles and some lesbo
kept rubbing my ass while I was trying to pass out in
the waterbed pods. When she would not lay off I
ordered another drink. She followed me and grabbed my
teet. Had she not looked like my friend’s dad in the
face it might have been a nice memory. But she was
ugly like a piece of poop. So I told her, You are
ugly like poop. Then I threw back my shot of Jager
and spit on her. Ok, I didn’t spit on her, but I
threw back that shot of Jager because I am a pro like
that.
8. are your friends jealous?
I don’t have too many female friends because womens
are lame. Gia and Christen are my day-to-day chick
friends. Gia is my sister and she has biggish
boobs. Not as big as mine though. Christen has
biggish titties also. Apparently, we scare off the
flat chested, it’s a shame really. My duder friends do
not seem to mind my tits. They call me Big Boobs
McGee I get a lot of free drinks. Not because of my
stellar personality or my tenacious wit, but because
of my boobs. This is why I am a drunk.
9. do you get approached often?
Yes.
10. if you could have small breasts for a year would
you do it?
I like little titties. I guess I could try it for a
year. Why not? If it was really horrible I could
just kill myself. Right?
Also, you might want to add that I plan to make my
breast internet lore kinda like brian peppers and
that fag that dresses up like peter pan.
