last nite fil and i went to see the goblet of fire and i was bored ten seconds into it, must be the crazy pills, anyway, it was a stupid piece of crap. luckily sealbait has new videos.
best acting ever. i like how this guy is suppose to be retarded but there’s a snowboard and a humongous record collection behind him.
there’s also some new ones here.
look i don’t want to be the next sylvia plath. buy my fucking book and you’ll see, i even say “this isn’t the bell jar.” i didn’t want a long pill discussion cos it’s boring and redundant and takes up too much time to read. i just tried to write about the fact that we’re “fucked up” in a funny lazy girls on the couch kind of way. anyway yeah hi comments are back. ain’t it grand.
fil and i are moving soon and have we started packing? no. it doesn’t matter so much for me cos all i have to do is throw my clothes into garbage bags because i am chris farley in tommy boy. i can’t wait to go to ikea and buy retarded looking furniture and knick-knacks.
ok time to watch my stories.
i have to go get more crazy pills today. i’m gonna ask for a 6 month script so i don’t have to keep going every three months and then when i notice that i am running out i won’t have week-long insomnia over it. maybe i should increase my miligrams cos i think it’s to the point where they’re just a pill that i take everyday otherwise i get severe shakes, nothing is actually happening in the anti-depression department though i am afraid i might go bonkers again if i increase the dosage. so it’s either go bonkers or stay in the middle of happy and sad.
me and aimee are watching hotel rwanda, i’ve already seen it so it’s like i am the expert although this hutu tutsi thing gets confusing cos we’re trying to half a half-wit conversation about it but aimee just started effexor so it’s like retard suicidal anxiety pillhead talking to someone who can only see the color grey in the world right now about a great big fucking injustice such as rwanda. did that make sense?
anyway i don’t want a great big pill discussion in the comments.
holy shit i forgot i have comments again
Dear Raymi, I care about you and I’m not even religious. Being a drunk is all right. Being fond of yourself, while disliking yourself at the same time is also all right.
Don’t worry – you’re fine.
Now I have a friend who spent all his youth lifting weights. He didn’t go to parties with us, had to stick to a special diet, couldn’t ever hang out, and first and foremost, he had to practice. Lifting weights every single day. It took him seven years of abstinence, isolation and sweating, but he got to go to the Olympics. The week before he was flying to Australia (in 2000) to compete, he crashed his car and had to have his mangled left arm amputated. He wasn’t all right after that.
Sometimes it’s all right to have a mellow attitude towards ambition.
Thomas
band practise tonite and my throat is fucked. i started coughing out of nowhere and coughed my throat sore. i’m gonna see if there’s any syrup to hallucinate on. i was spying through the peephole at the new sketchbag down the hall and he coughed and perhaps that’s what triggered a coughing spasm of my own. the other nite some guy was honking like mental in front of the building and then screaming sketchbag’s name at the top of his lungs in the alley. good times.
Tyranny says:
nothings new
raymi says:
im depressed today and bored
Tyranny says:
fuck im so depressed today
Tyranny says:
everyone is
raymi says:
i have received hardly any emails today
raymi says:
i hate that
Tyranny says:
yeah my phone was off all weekend and i didnt check emails so today i checked both
Tyranny says:
and had like
Tyranny says:
1 message
Tyranny says:
hah
raymi says:
that makes me so sad
raymi says:
and angry at people
raymi says:
like they dont care
raymi says:
fuck them
Tyranny says:
i know
Tyranny says:
fuck them for real
raymi says:
ungh
raymi says:
i would take a bath but then i would just be sitting in the bath depressed
raymi says:
that was so emo
Tyranny says:
and you might slit your wrists
raymi says:
no i wouldnt do that
raymi says:
maybe i shouldnt have started drinking so much
Tyranny says:
today you mean?
raymi says:
no like ever
Tyranny says:
oh
Tyranny says:
one of my good friends
Tyranny says:
has decided to go to NA
Tyranny says:
and now he like
Tyranny says:
basically told me we cant chill so much anymore
Tyranny says:
so awkward
raymi says:
thats what they say to you when you go there, ditch all of your friends
Tyranny says:
yeah
Tyranny says:
hah
raymi says:
you have to fill out these papers at the beginning of every meeting and say what yer triggers are
Tyranny says:
fuck
Tyranny says:
NA
raymi says:
and people love it cos they can blame their friends
Tyranny says:
haha i know rights
Tyranny says:
o hilarious
raymi says:
i was like i dont have friends anymore so i dont have any triggers
Tyranny says:
hahahaha
Tyranny says:
i have a trigger
Tyranny says:
its called
Tyranny says:
breathing
raymi says:
i was trying to think of something funnier than that but i got nothing
i just watched all the real girls and was worried i would be thoroughly depressed upon it being over but it ended ok so i feel fine.
since finishing my book i feel kind of deflated like i don’t know what to do with myself now, i’m suppose to be working on a script, a movie about a character named raymi, no matter how hard i try i always end up having to write about myself or of a character that is like me, i don’t know what i’m saying well, after awhile it makes me feel like i am the only person in the world that there is to write about and i know that sounds pretty vain and whatever, shut up.
you can never outrun yourself i guess.
i kind of feel like quitting blogging for awhile ‘cos i feel like there is nothing left to say and people are worried about my drinking and that’s what i write about every other day anyhow, i’m slowly weaning off it and i’ve discovered now that i have insomnia which really sucks.
sometimes i just want to float away.
