a car alarm right outside has been going off now for a good ten minutes and at first i was all BLAAAAAAAHHAHAH but now i am all ahhhhh that’s soothing, what’s next, a powerdrill to the brain? bring it.

this is probably the best picture in the world and i want a t-shirt made out of it IMMEDIATELY. in fact i want everyone to make me t-shirts, i want one for everyday of the month and then you can knit me some sweater pants and beer mug cozies. yeh.

shitthatsfucked

90’s trivial pursuit is awesome and despite fil trying to steal the glory by saying he went to pick it up it was MY IDEA a long time ago and I suggested it last nite when he asked what is something fun to do that doesn’t involve being drunk and i said 90’s trivial pursuit from toys ‘r’us. mememMEMEMMEmemememe. so we went and i wanted every single stuffed animal there of course. and then we passed the liquor store and i wanted to pick something up but uncle fil said no way and so i turned into a complete psycho i want booze monster until we picekd up aimee and i popped a clonazepam and a couple wobbly pops. wheee.

i have also finally lost some weight. not like a lot but still, enough on the scale for me to feel a little bit better about myself finally.

i am going to be renting either a table or a room at the canzine festival which is october 30th at the gladstone. you can pick up a copy of my book and have it signed. i’m also going to be having shitty artwork and maybe some other writings together and noel is going to help me create some coolness atmosphere so you should definitely come by to look at me and whatever. there is also an all day long burlesque show. wicked.

ok i know that i write about drinking quite a bit and about being wasted and then hungover but THIS time was totally INSANE. saturday nite we went to every single bar in toronto pretty much.

rivoli
horseshoe
ronnie’s
supermarket
back to ronnie’s
xspace
sweaty bettie’s
the drake
social
the gladstone
cadillac lounge

and fucking hell my liver is now its own country.

i kind of didn’t want to go to xspace to see the gossip, not cos i don’t like them but just ‘cos i wanted to be a crotchety lazy drunk and be slunked down in my chair and not have to stand around with hipsters but i am glad i went afterall cos the show was amazing and yeh, totally.

then sunday we saw a teacup chihuaha wearing a tiny t-shirt off a teddy bear and i was a little bit drunk still and therefore retarded and the woman was quite accommodating especially when i was like BLAAAHH!! I CAN’T HANDLE LOOKING AT THAT THING AAAAAAAH!

and then i talked about it for the rest of the day.

yesterday was a family dinner at chez whitehouse and i got to see rocky (cat) and he is so fucking cute i want to put him in my mouth and fil wants to throw him up in a tree so he can lay his eggs. fil tried to catch a rabbit in the backyard but he couldn’t. we played poker. i drank a lot of wine and then we watched dodgeball at fil’s and i drank more wine and passed out halfway through because i am awesome and fil had to walk me to bed and take off my clothes and i don’t remember any of that. he had to fight me out of them or something.

yesterday was my neice’s 7th birthday and today everyone is going to one of those annoying places with balls and games and creepy costumed fucks and i am not going because i have bad nerves and will most likely end up nursing a pitcher and then blowing fifty dollars just to win a green plastic comb and some gummy bears.

the last time i went there with mark and thom for beer and pizza i pretty much had an anxiety attack and fantasized about yelling at all of the children.

RAAAAAAAH!

play this game NOW.

i wrote on fil‘s blog cos he told me to.