ok i will tell you all a story about our weekend.
evidently, alcohol was consumed and a great deal of it and then we put on old lady costumes and were like RAAAAH let’s go knock on people’s doors!!!! but we didn’t, we just went down to the dock and took off all our costumes and went swimming and played the let’s drown each other game and the let’s get 5 people on the tiny floating raft game. fil injured himself and blamed it on me. pretty much anything bad that happened to fil i got in trouble for it cos fil had drank dronk himself a trillion shots of jager. he was wearing a placemat on his head with a rubber bat on it for awhile.
so then i go up to the cottage to make a couple bowls of kimchi because it was that part of the drunk where if you don’t eat something your head explodes and you start punching people and so i come bak down to three retards beating the ever loving shit out of each other with pool noodles so i am standing there with two steaming bowls of noodles and boiling water dripping all over my hands and i am trying to get their attention and finally they stop and eat a bit but fil takes off with one of the bowls to himself and hides beside the cottage in the bushes and i can’t find him so by now i am pissed off but he decides he is angry as well because i couldn’t find him and so he joins the rest of us still eating his soup and then he dumps all of it into the bushes by accident and goes away to sulk at the top of the driveway wearing nothing but his underwear.
and so of course somehow that was also my fault so i go over there and see him and am all like uhh why are you being weird in your underwear practically sitting in the road but lo and behold cousin sean comes up with a bucket stuck on his head and big stupid sunglasses with no shirt on just pants and no shoes either. so fil is quickly outdone in the weirdness department until he jumps on top of his car like spiderman and walks all over it with his dirty bare feet and sean is lumbering around like a monkey making fucked up noises still wearing a bucket.
but wait it gets better.
fil turns around and puts his arms in the air and says whip me so sean and i whip him at least ten times each as hard as we can with some twigs and while this is happening some kid walks by (it’s 4 in the morning btw) and is like uhh hey. can you imagine walking by someone’s driveway at 4 in the morning to see a 6’3 guy wearing underwear being whipped by a chick and a dude and the dude is wearing a bucket on his head and sunglasses and we’re all screaming?
anyway the kid leaves and we decide to follow him. the street is pitch black and then fil disappears off into the bushes at the side of the road intending to scare us anyway we’re making bird noises and monster growls to try and scare this kid and he keeps shining a flashlight back at us and then nothing then all of a sudden he is standing right beside us and shines the light in our faces and we all scream and jump back.
what a weirdo, i totally would have been one mile away if some asshole people were chasing me in the dark.
anyway he tells us a bunch of crap about going back to school or whatever and then we’re like see ya and eventually we all go to bed.