overheard the best and most nerdiest conversation ever yesterday at the comic book figurine collection store. it was just too much. this one lispy talking napoleon dynamite moon boots wearing guy was talking about how he has seventeen email addresses and he is writing a comic and then he said the 4th and 5th seasons of the simpsons were the best and bla bla i had to duck behind a shelf and cover my mouth and hide my eyes because they were bugging out from i can’t believe what i am hearingness and the store proprietor was egging the kid on more and more and we had to leave because i couldn’t take it anymore.
i’m not trying to be mean here (yes i am) and think that the conversations i have are superior and more fun to overhear though COME ON, who talks that way and is 100 per cent serious?
it was probably the best thing for novelty’s sake that i have experienced since that mullet-headed woman screaming about polish people saying her daughter was bad.
fuck.
today getting sandwiches i had to listen to the sandwich maker lady sing 80’s songs to all the old ladies in line with me who were digging it and there was nobody i could roll my eyes to.
excuse me everyone in this restaurant but do you realise how lame this is right now?
i was just wondering if i was the only person who knew about this.
have you seen the metallica doc. yet? it is 4 hours full of whiney bitchy tackiness and everyone sucks. lars sucks because he is lars. hetfeild sucks because he goes to russia for two weeks and shoots a bear for no reason and then goes to rehab for 6 months. their producer is a pushover. they have a rock band therapist who follows them around everywhere and gets paid 40 grand a month. anyway, ble ble metallica rules i know but still, seeing behind the scenes ruins everything. oh and it was also pretty boring. and the way they write their lyrics is just laughable.
before that we went to aimee/derek’s and played with derek’s cat and snake and it creeped me out. i took pictures.
i just bought underwear. my hair is retarded. band practise tonite. we threw rocks in the lake earlier and found a pair of jeans with flowers on them that belong to a little girl and it was peculiar. oh and we found a dead duck but half of its body was missing. i threw a snowball at fil’s crotch by accident and then he hit his head on this low-hanging porch. and i laughed.
i told fil we should go to the humane society and bring back a cat for my dad and for rocky and to just, you know, do that and fil said no.
and my dad would probably be pissed off about it.
though i like to think that everyone would love a new housefriend as much as i would right now and be the opposite of pissed off hopefully and then i could just keep bringing over animals, that would be neat.
fil said that rocky’s life would turn to shit if i brought another cat into his domain.
so i’ll have to get a dog then.
which would be completely retarded because i don’t know anything about dogs because i have never owned one before and then it will take over my entire life and then i will live in the hills the end.
so i started writing a fictional story and i kind of want to turn it into fantasy science fiction psychological thriller somehow but i don’t have the capacity to or the attention span to make something like that seem believeable or make enough sense and then i wouldn’t finish it and i would hate myself. i dunno.
receiving jamie‘s and matthew’s book has inspired me to just fucking write and print and publish for fucksakes.
so i have already written quite a bit but i did it all by hand because that is how i write best so now i have to transcribe it, ho hum.
it’s ridiculous how drinking has just wiped away my intelligence completely. mostly my memory. it feels like a whole bunch of big words, adjectives mostly, have just, disappeared from my brain.
and i am fine with it for a little while but then someone comes in the room and asks me how to spell casserole and i am not exactly sure how to spell it and so i spell it and i think that i am right but i also seriously doubt myself and think ok well there’s another word that won’t be in my story because i cannot spell it on the spot and feel confident enough with it just sitting there, waiting to be spell-checked and walking over to a dictionary is just not in the cards for me, so fuck that word altogether.
and yah, so i’m writing this thing and i am already getting pissed off all over the place because i think of various directions in which to take it and then i forget them and then i have to play with the cat or read a tabloid and check email.
anyway, we saw boogeyman yesterday and it was stupid because they tried really hard to make it trippy and spooky and it was basically a bunch of doors slamming and then when you finally see the boogeyman you’re like pffffffft because he is just, silly.
and there were a gaggle of fat trashy teenage girls talking and running around behind us the entire time and their stupid voices were echoing all over the theatre because it was empty and then on the way home fil said, “i wanted to cut those fat bitches.” and i said can i quote you on my blog and he said no but i am doing it anyway because it effectively captures the feeling i had also.
the whole way through i was thinking of what i would scream at those girls if i finally decided to and i was going to scream, “SHUT UP YOU LITTLE KIDS.” and so i thougt about it the whole time and i didn’t do it and then i saw them in the bathroom afterward and i thought that i could lecture them about being polite in movie theatres but then they would roll their eyes and i would get really fucking mad and then i would get mean and call them fat and white trash and ugly and make fun of their clothes and then we would have to run away to the parking lot and that would just be, immature.
too bad though.
i should have said the little kids line because that would hurt them a lot because when you are out at a movie theatre and a ‘tween, you want for people to think you are an adult and cool and older and so if i called them little kids they would want to just die.
that’s what i thought about during the movie and i know that i am right.
fil let me put make-up on him and i said go to the store and get us some pop we need an energy boost and so he was gonna go out and i said oh wait you have all that make-up on and he said oh right so he went and took the mascara off put is keeping the under-eye liner shit all smeary and he has a bunch of hair clips and bobby pins in his hair and so he is keeping that in as well.
now i don’t feel as pretty so i want to put on more make-up to the extreme and be all garish unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh today we pissed away the warmer weather and stayed indoors.
oh he just came back and he took off all the make-up.
matthew good’s book arrived yesterday and so did jamie’s. i like how matthew good writes because it’s all the crap i think about except a bit different and he had it all put together and published oh and he talks about having a sequel to water world which is brilliant because i loved water world despite it flunking at the box office. i dunno why everyone shit talks that movie. i thought it was amazing and i would probably buy it one day if i remembered to and/or wasn’t busy buying other stuff that i don’t need and beer.
yesterday i got a new scarf from the bartender because i am special and it was annoying him and it is the material of a sofa and someone spent too much money on it because it is ugly and they gave it to their husband and he forgot it on purpose at the bar and so i am going to wear it like crazy and hopefully have a confrontation with a rich lady with bad taste and say here is your damn ugly scarf biotch in front of all of her friends and she will march over to the bar and confront the drunk man husband who is part of the football pool and he will say I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY and everyone will be excited.
noel gave me cool pins that he made with his button-maker.
i gave most of them away already and took credit for making them right in front of him and he was amused by that because we are all about LYING FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT.
some are of different pictures of michael jackson and say 1000% innocent.
the others are of the tampax insertion directions that are cartoonish and fil is going to wear one tonite because finally a button exists that is ironic and seedy enough and the opposite of gay.
julka’s sister was mean to this guy who tried to talk to me outside because he was lonely and i mentioned the suburban town i currently habit and said the ultra-cool nickname for it and he was like wow i think you’ve started a trend and she cut him off and said bla bla i hate that suburban town and GUYS WITH ACNE and the dood was all hurt and slunked-off from us and i said wow that was cold.
he did have a lot of bad acne and he was kinda repulsive-looking and what not but STILL you don’t make cheap jabs like that.
she drank a whole bottle of scotch before coming out and tried to walk out with her pint of beer and the bouncers were like woah woah what the fuck? and she goes wait huh what about the patio? and we look around and there is clearly no patio there because there is snow and it’s winter. it was all very hilarious.
her and julka are russian jews and so i asked what they did to celebrate the 60 year ann. of the concentration camp thing and julka said huh what? we got drunk or something, it was the anniversary of, what? what happened?
anyway.
i thought of a fictional story plot finally that i am going to hammer out that does not involve drinking at a bar and it won’t be called “the bar journal” because that is too depressing right now.
i’ll write that in the summer when i am less retarded and have my shit together hopefully.
on our way to the watering skeezer hole before leaving good old parkdale we see this woman outside a pizza parlor, standing there screaming at the top of her lungs, something, over and over again and everyone is acting like it isn’t happening and avoiding her side of the street altogether. her hair sucked. she was kind of fat. she had coke bottle glasses. and her clothes also sucked.
this is what she was screaming:
POLISH PEOPLE SAID,
MY DAUGHTER IS BAD!
over and over and over again, like it was a chant. noel said that the people who propriet the pizza place are polish and so maybe they told her that her daughter was bad and she is informing parkdale that polish people told her that one day while she was eating pizza and she did not like that they said her daughter was bad.
at first i thought she was saying that her daughter was a bed, because it rhymed better with said and i thought that scream rhyme chanting is way cool by far.
