Not real sure why I’m writing this, other than lacking someone else to talk

>to, I guess. Funny how the Internet and anonymous (to me) words can strike

>one’s soul.

>

>

>

>Your blog disturbs me (we’re going to come back to this). Not for the

>reasons some other fuck-holes are likely to complain about – and in a way,

>for exactly those same reasons. Your blog is messy. Your life seems messy

>and complicated. Why do you write all that stuff that you do? Aren’t you

>afraid people will read it, and will see you (I mean the real you, not just

>a photo of you, I mean like your soul)? Doesn’t that scare the piss out of

>you?

>

>

>

>Hear me out. there’s actually a compliment here if you get all the way

>through to see it.

>

>

>

>I’m almost crying as I write this. You see, I have a messy life. I’m an

>underachiever, even though I’ve been very successful. On the outside, I

>look like a composed, intelligent, somewhat sensitive guy that has a lot,

>has done a lot, is admired – and on the inside, I feel like I’m dying every

>minute I breathe. People at work hate me, even though I only work so I can

>do good for them. My family feels more like a bunch of people you run into

>in a grocery store – “Hi Mary – how are the kids?” – than anything intimate.

>Nothing feels good/right. Less feels worthwhile. I rarely see a light at

>the end of the tunnel, and when I have, a fair number of the lights turned

>out to be trains.

>

>

>

>And then again, simple things sometimes turn into a few minutes of joy here

>and there. God, I live for those moments. I just feel powerless to create

>them.

>

>

>

>So. your blog disturbs me. Because its real. Because you’re probably being

>honest when you write it. Because you don’t give a flying fuck who reads

>it, or why. Living in the cage of my mind, its incomprehensible that

>someone could just write like they mean it, and be working on themselves as

>they go along. Stop writing it – it shows me my own flaws, my own

>shortcomings, like a funhouse mirror. Please don’t stop – even fucked up,

>its good to see a little glimpse of myself in someone else. Feels a little

>less lonely that way.

>

>

>

>That’s all. The compliment here is that in today’s world – in my world –

>there’s so little honesty, so little true friendship, so little compassion

>for another that it makes me sick. So I come to your blog to feel those

>things. Sick, and therapeutic at the same time. Thanks for having a brass

>set of balls, and not minding having them polished by a bunch of people like

>me that lost theirs a long time ago.

>

>

>

>Anonymous – sort of.

>

>

>

The Causes of failure

The habit of proposing to do many things and never achieving any for example, is highly pernicious because in order to attain mastery and power over outside events, it is first necessary to keep one’s word, to fulfill and put into practice one’s own decisions. One who practices this precept methodically and patiently will find that his mastery over the forces of Nature increases daily until he is able to fulfill all that he promises to do.

Assignment Raymi – The reactions



Hiya Raymi!

Some students are willing to allow you to see their responses some are

not. All expressed some concern for how it would be used. I also

have some issues — I am somehow responsible for both the assignment

and what happens to it. They did do some wonderful things and enjoyed

the fact that Raymi began to look at them as they looked at her (the

posting of the assignment). One student has responses about you from

their mother, Grandfather, older graduate friend and a contemporary

student friend, in addition to their own response. One entitled his

assignment “raymithemystery.com” There are people from many

different countries who looked at your site. Others want to do it now

because you are aware of our gaze. BUT — In the end, they only

checked you out because I asked them to — and I would not want them

damaged in any way because of my actions. Does this make sense Raymi?

I am only a TA but I feel I inherited 42 young adults (most in their

first year of Uni) in September. There is responsibility in

education, I am responsible for so many things. I showed them the

“chickens” clip from the movie “Baraka” last night and couldn’t sleep

because I was afraid that it might have been too disturbing — even

though this is what I do! I send them to a cold, dark place and ask

them to give me a weather report. But I still feel like I am stealing

innocence sometimes. And I am still waiting for mine to grow back.

Please write me back…let me know what you think.

i am just as concerned as you ie people’s reactions and opinions and

meanness, judging – i put myself out there and i do not lie and i am

caring and opinionated and if someone is going to say a bunch of

negative shit about me/my life/my family i will react to them reacting

to me – the way i see it, if u are going to attack someone, u have

every right to, however, u have to tell me about your life’s pain/s

failures fuck ups and then i get the chance to attack you then, no?

so she showed up after we had been discussing her a little while and she was valiumed-up and boozed to the tits and she whipped out her new sample package of effexor and i tried to tell her about social anxiety and how valium is not a solution at all and the walk-in clinic lady who gave it to her should be fired

i could have said anything to her, anything at all, and she wouldn’t hear it/comprehend, nothing, i was losing my patience so i said look i am giving you advice here and i am telling you to at least cut your drinking IN HALF at least STOP VALIUM and then take that effexor crap because none of it will take affect if you are on all these other things and adan piped in and said raymi is a very good friend of mine she knows what she is talking about but all she could think about was why adan was ignoring her and i was right in the middle of it all and i was thinking about my get-away

so she followed me to the bathroom to talk about adan and i was thinking oh boy this is one big giant mess that i do not want to be a part of but my heart was bleeding for her ‘cos that is my nature

she is just 20 years old and she is a big bumbling mess

and then she started shoving me around in the bathroom to show that’s what friends do and that’s what she wanted adan to be like with her out in public and i felt really uncomfortable because i know that everyone is concerned for adan with this girl and she doesn’t have a clue and here she is shoving me drunkenly-jokingly

all i wanted to do was urinate and i was confronted with this drama and she wouldn’t shut up so she followed me up the stairs still shoving and i look at adan like i am SO out of here very soon, we need to talk, this is FUCKED and so she sees Brandy and we thought he had left already because he was mad about the business with adan and i say oh look there he is, GO TO HIM and she does

and i turn to adan and he motions not now ‘cos the cook guy from the other bar is there who is in love with this girl also so i put on my jacket and am all later doooooods, good luck with all this and adan comes out for a goodbye smoke and i say dude, no more mixed signals, it’s at that point now, don’t take her home because you are both horny lonelies, she’s making you look bad all over town and you know this, now’s the time before it gets worse, tra la la

and then anj showed up and said nice things about my blog and i said that fil put a strike through her link and she went oooooooooooooooh like the boogey-man and i told her that her hair was nice and i liked her jacket and blayne offered us weed and i said no i don’t smoke anymore and then i turned into pixie-dust and sprinkled myself off into the nite.

>raymi –

>I think the people who dig you most – those who already know you are a

>supah

>stah – are all poor. They might feed your soul, but they will not make you

>financially rich.

>

>How do you feel about appealing to the lowest common denominator? The

>SUV-driving, latte-drinking, Sex In The City watching suburban chick who

>yearns for a bit of edge? You represent the Other for some women – I know

>because I have heard discussions about you.

>

>For men, you obviously appeal to a different set of needs. Lots of guys

>find you attractive, but they are not just interested in seeing your tits.

>You represent the Other for men too – the fun, bad, saucy woman that must

>be

>trapped within their own wives and girlfriends. How many guys picture your

>face when having sex with their chicks, hoping that the real Raymi will

>emerge for a moment, even for just a fleeting orgasmic quiver?

>

>Ah Lauren, you are so multifaceted. Ever feel like you are standing in a

>hall of mirrors?

people who don’t like cats are assholes and they’re the same people who think dogs are smarter – FUCK!

WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM!?

cats are better because they don’t make loud barking sounds that make you snap your head around because you are all startled and your heart kind of stops and then after the startled-feeling goes away you then have complete anger and annoyance and have to leave the room altogether because there is a dog and it is barking all over the place and then the cat looks at you and says don’t worry dood i’ll take care of it so he goes over to the dog and punches him with his little cat fist and the dog goes oh ok sorry guy and starts licking his balls and other dog-things until you have to let him out to crap in your backyard while the cat is sitting politely in his little box reading the newspaper taking a doo doo and gracefully covers it all up for you to scoop it out later when you feel like it.

and then barky mcbark bark is all look at me look at me i am a dog bark bark yip and slams into the diningroom table and destroys everything pretty what is your house while kitty larue is telling you to fuck off with his eyes because he has this thing called pride something that dogfuck lacks because dogs are not as cool as cats.

don’t get me wrong i do love dogs i just prefer cats because i am crazy as a loon and bitches like me who are lazy assholes opt for low-maintenance snotty animals who are needy sometimes while completely invisible other times and then when you start crying they come sit on your head and sniff your stupid eyes and nose and feel bad for you and then when you are done using the cat for having your emotional needs met you can go on a bender for a few days, come back and cat is like yo dude WHAT’S UP i didn’t notice you left but the dog is all hysterical, complete wreck of a creature while you were away all of your house is messed and smelly and you are like, I. HATE. MY. LIFE.

the way i see it, if you want a fuckin’ kid, give birth.

people who are manic and don’t know it make me sad

people who are manic and know it make me glad

and amused

anyhow

i sort of had something prepared to type about and now it is gone

i feel like i have written about everything i could have possibly written about or can get away with

something was on the tv last nite before i passed out and i thought must blog about that asshole and so i fell asleep and forgot about it altogether and so here i am.

oh right now i remember what it was, and it was something i watched EARLY this morning and then fell asleep again for a little while and that’s how it disappeared from my brain.

ok so this rant is about eminem and how fucking annoying i think he is and i am sure everyone will agree with me on this – his latest video i saw for the first time this morning (the one where he goes UH RUH RUH RU RU like he is suppose to be pee wee herman or something?) because i don’t really pay attention to garbage television as much as i use to these days because i am very busy talking to cats and sitting in stairwells smoking cigarettes thinking about what cool is….

anyway, what’s up with this fucking honky and why is he still getting away with impersonating other celebs, failed, 15 minutes of fame or not, making a total mockery of the 90’s and putting that crap in music videos over and over and over again? and even calling it a music video HOLY SHIT and that song is so incredibly tacky and sounds like every other song before it and people will say hey shut up raymi i like that song!

and i say

no you shut up

the only reason you like that song is because you hear it all the time in your stupid friend’s car when you are smoking a fatty to whoever’s loser house it is you are on your way over to next and ps if i was mc hammer and pee wee herman i would tagteam eminem and make him eat his poseur doo-rag.

TOP TEN DONALD TRUMP PICKUP LINES

10. How’d you like to be a New York Post headline?

9. Haven’t I evicted you somewhere before?

8. You don’t know Marvin Mitchelson, do you?

7. Care to take a ride on the Trump Shuttle?

6. I’d like to do to you what I did to Merv

5. I can introduce you to Don King

4. Hello. I’m Donald Trump

3. Tired of always running to the automated cash machine?

2. I’m good friends with Dave Letterman

1. That is a roll of hundreds in my pocket and I’m glad to see you

TOP TEN THINGS HEARD AT THE ST. PATRICK’S DAY PARADE

10. “Today, my name is Mayor O’Koch.”

9. “All right! Another bagpipe band.”

8. “Gee, food sure tastes good when you boil it.”

7. “You have the right to remain silent…”

6. “That’s not a float – that’s Tip O’Neill.”

5. “Aww…not on my shoes!”

4. “These foreign cars tip over much easier.”

3. “Hey, that guy’s not wearing green – kill him!”

2. “While we’re in the neighborhood, let’s drop by the Museum of Modern Art.”

1. “You’ll get your personal effects back downtown, Monsignor.”