nowlf says:

give me a direction or theme

raymi says:

slander

nowlf says:

thats a tough one

nowlf says:

i mean, i try to stay away from backstabbing et al

raymi says:

boring

nowlf says:

yeah, im just really busy here at work

nowlf says:

and then at 4 we’re going to the ************ for a secret santa homo fest

raymi says:

thats fucking gay

nowlf says:

but i dont want to go because i have so much work to do.

nowlf says:

how sad is that?

raymi says:

what did u buy for the secret douchebag?

nowlf says:

its a lose/lose all around

raymi says:

coal?

nowlf says:

i bottle a bottle of bourbon, stuck a pair of black runnber gloves on it, and afixed a pack of lube and a note saying “keep it loose”

nowlf says:

i bottle a bottle. nice.

raymi says:

you are so clever

raymi says:

kind even

nowlf says:

Runnber. what the fuck is wrong with me

nowlf says:

usually i buy crap for them

raymi says:

working too much typos happen

nowlf says:

i mean, someone has to lose at secret santa

nowlf says:

if everyone got nice agreeable gifts there’s be no fun

nowlf says:

one year i bought a frozen turkey, bag of potatos, onions, box of stuffing.. you

know, everything for xmas dinner in a big 50pound garbage bag

nowlf says:

recipient didnt dig it much

nowlf says:

carrying it on the subway..

raymi says:

well what an unappreciative cunty fucker

nowlf says:

thats what i told her in front of everyone..

raymi says:

did she know that it was from you? cos isn’t it suppose to be a secret thing?

raymi says:

or you just couldnt contain yer pissed-offness

nowlf says:

yeah, i just exploded and raged for an hour at the restaurant — going along the lineup of coworkers, telling each and every one of them specifically what i hated about them

raymi says:

and then you got promoted, right?

nowlf says:

no, i went from blacksheep to madcow disease sheep

raymi says:

fuckin right

raymi says:

remember u told me about the time u broke into some girl’s place when she was away and completely rearranged all of her furniture and she didn’t appreciate it at all?

nowlf says:

yes

nowlf says:

though it wasnt as much a lack of appreciation, as it was fear.

raymi says:

how do u feel about that

nowlf says:

i felt bad that i made her cry. but i think she found it worthwhile, in the interesting vein, in the end.

raymi says:

did u at least get laid out of it

raymi says:

why the fuck did she cry?

raymi says:

she should have been flattered

nowlf says:

she’s timid by nature. i had no idea. though im sure i wouldve done it all over again anyway

i snored last nite watching dodgeball and i swatted when i was told to go off to bed and i was almost left on the couch for a laugh.

we’ve now added a bass to the band and things are, cooler, i guess.

because of all the smoking and talking and late-nites what is my life, in the morning i sound like a craggy old man/going-thru-puberty boy and it lasts all fucking day long until maybe 7 or so and i’m worried i am going to sound like this forever.

like courtney love, basically.

i have to ham it up and talk like a mouse or three year old girl or some made-up cartoon character not invented yet so as to not strain my vocal-chords and everytime i pass a dog/cat/little kid on the street it’s a huge sigh of relief/excuse to talk like this at/to them and the kid is all over it and the parents are like, harhuhuhuhuh, what is her problem?

shut up, it’s genetic.

rocky the cat is getting his haircut today so he can look like a little monkey and hide in the christmas tree that’s existed since christmas was invented.

when i wake up in the morning, because my hair is now that multi-coloured blondeness (fried/dried-out/fucked) – my hair is all farrah fawcetty, bird’s nest, all over the place and when i go to the coffeeplace with my heroin-addict/movie star sunglasses the girls swoon and say how nice i look and i am like please please don’t ask to try on the sunglasses again ‘cos all these old ladies will have heart attacks when they see my alice cooper junky eye make-up and if they step closer they will notice tiny little birds are actually nesting in my hair making bird colonies and forming their own government and naming streets and then these nice ladies won’t think i look so fucking nice and then i’ll have to go to the other coffeeplace and be even more neurotic over there.

i am totally moving out of town so i don’t have to feel guilty about being a scumbag and fake like i am not.

kidding.

i’m moving because i drank the town dry.

taking turns getting pissed off at things

annoyed by things

everything

in and out of the room

all afternoon

every afternoon

toting this

grabbing that

trying not to sigh out loud

tolerating

madness

personality traits

habits

saying that you understand all the time

but how does that help

how does that fix anything at all

anyone

sometimes there are no more funny things to say and being appropriate is too much effort and compassion shouldn’t be free all the time you think

and then someone says well what about christmas spirit and then you want to rip out all of your hair and disappear until april maybe

or perhaps you’ll wait it out

the same as always

because you can’t escape calendars

and seasons

and people who depend on you

because sometimes you depend on them

and then when it is your turn for help you feel like an asshole asking for it and they have every right to flip you off

we don’t have the patience for feeling like an asshole

we don’t even have time for feelings

buying stuff for others because it’s what you really want

not being an activist

not trying anymore

not caring

saying this is my life

there is the supermarket

garbage day is thursday

some people knit

some people dance

and some drink

some have babies

there really isn’t a point to any of this

there are so many things to be mad about and so many things to brag about

potentially

why aren’t you wearing any clothes in your photographs

why do you expose yourself

how do you feel about that

don’t you have any self-respect

do you even care

where are you going with this

you’re an embarassment

for shame

sinner

pig

what a

why not share your world with others why not share things why not capture moments in time and say looksee here i am there we are big deal i don’t care i’m bored you’re bored

analyzing is what we do when there is nothing else to do when we know the subject enough because we hear about it enough and after all that nonsense all that is left is scandal and gossip and obsession

we want to care and we don’t want to

we want to see and forget

we want to forget forever but we can’t because we know it’s there

see you at AA.

i ran out of crazy pills today so i have to do something about that tomorrow.

ward just stopped by and he is now bragging about how he figured out a way to increase his caffeine intake by way of putting the coffee grinds to the top of the filter and then only brewing half a cup of coffee – he says it tastes like shit crap but man, what a rush.

ward is now obnoxiously chewing gum into my ear as loud as he possibly can and taking pictures with my camera and talking about how fast he can type emails after all that coffee – but he makes crazy mistakes, so many spelling mistakes.

he said some guy got fired today because he is in asshole and everytime someone asks for help he just makes fun of them.

and now ward is explaining in detail exactly how this guy is an asshole.

ward bought his mum a new vacuum cleaner for christmas and his sister a food processor.

ward just asked me why i even cared because he is just making idle conversation and i said of course i care, i care about a lot of things.

and now i have no idea what he is talking about.

hi ward!

lazy is as lazy does

and does

and does

and

backyards

so this obnoxious fool was attacking everything what was everything what was me saturday afternoon and i was beyond annoyed with his gall to be such a fucker what with the occasion ‘n all

he was making fun of my nose and my flat chest and my smoking and saying oh i bet you don’t even have a boyfriend and he was making all these not-funny pervy jokes and being completely innapropriate and making fun of the catholic religion because he’s jewish and i was sitting there drinking a specialty coffee and yes i was mouthing back like your bitchy aunt all over the livingroom because i knew i could get away with it

dude couldn’t hit me or anything ‘cos it was a family-gathering and even his dotter was there and his wife

and he was bragging about all these things he buys off ebay and how he lavishes his wife with gifts and i said well that’s because you hate yourself and you feel inadequate and insecure about your fat face and bald head and fat stomache and it makes you feel better about yourself to cut up other people by way of pointing out their big noses and making fun of their uncle

and i also said i was completely fine with my big nose and had come to accept it and my flat chest and that many men/women appreciated my body, liked it very much in fact and then i told him to go fuck his fat bastard self and that’s when my nana came over to me and said now be a lady and she was trying to smooth out my forehead because when i get angry my forehead turns into a mass of rageful expression

and then fat focker says he knows someone who does botox

and on and on and on it went ’til about 4 or 5pm and it got to a point wherein you start making all these violent scenarios in your head and thinking about how everyone in the room would react to you flying across the coffeetable and strangling the guy whilst china cups and plates of food are smashing all around and you’re screaming and screaming

and for the sake of your fantasy reactions being in your favor

everybody is cheering you on

and

someone passes you a cigarette afterwards and the dude apologizes for being such a douchebag and it is not at all awkward after your ridiculous flip-out

not in the least

heh

and so

because i am not a violent person by nature and i know full well that there are bound to be not good repurcussions to a scenario involving strangulation

i sat there listening to holiday music

at the end of the couch

listening to this pervert brag about giving it to his wife the nite before and was happy as crap when she came down the stairs and told her side

which was

her being tired, being half asleep and letting him take advantage of her

and seeing his ego put on their winter ebay boots to go make fun of the pigmeat on the diningroom table for maybe 2 minutes before he came back over to talk really loud and stupid for a couple more hours.

thanks duder-dude for the new banner and for saying on it that there is a party in my head i think that this particular banner lends much credibility to the raymi blog, don’t you agree?

awnry

the guy was standing there, too aware of his outfit, poseuing by his table of friends and the one with the played-out fohawk who did a few backflips on the spot to the shitty cover band and the girl with the black shoulder-showing shirt and blond little hair grabbed the mic and screamed one of those rock songs you throw yourself around to in seedy bars and i asked aimee if she hated her as much as i did and aimee’s eyes bugged out in agreement.

i always feel bad when i am in that place, bad for people, the women they are sitting there waiting to be approached in their xmas dressyness and they are talking to each other and all the men are wearing the same lame leather jacket with cellphones clipped to their belts and they are looking at the 20 year olds who are brazen enough to drunkscreamtalk and then i look back at the clusters of women with pride and self-respect, trying to appear that way anyhow and then some drunk doofus-fuck is barking at me about his wife/ex-wife, soon-to-be and i feel like telling him look moron, look over there at those pretty ladies who might just put up with your bullshit a little while, i don’t understand why YOU just won’t/don’t understand that you are wasting your friday nites in the same spot every week, hoping ms.perfect will come along and be everything your mother is/not

so stop talking to me because i am not going to fuck you, i’m not even going to hold your hand, or remember you three minutes from now, but that woman over there at the table, she is staring at you right now so why don’t you accept the fact now that you are balding and your white collar job will only impress a 23 yr. old for maybe 8 months or so if you’re lucky and then you have to try it all over again and by then you are nearing 50 and thinking about spreading your seeds around but no woman is wanting to pop out bastard children for a man who will be in his grave by the time they’re in university.

fucking alky.