free hit counter

tho i did want to address the last email u wrote, ie the one i posted on my blog

i wanted u to know that the mania is yes worth the art one produces

but be careful

im 21 now and i have had it with myself and how i am now

a drunk everyday and i how i deal with it is by glamorizing the places

i frequent and act pathetic and cute

i have been in a psyche ward brandi

and that aint any kind of fun

i cant smoke weed anymore because my brain is super sharp and connects

things that are ridiculous and i have/had severe post traumatic stress

from living in nyc during sept. 11 and from dating two drug dealers

who were very abusive

and now the antidepressants i am on are making me manic and i am just

fine with it and i drink coffee everyday and i have all these

brilliant ideas and i never finish one project i begin and i whine and

complain for help with these projects i want to come to seed but then

we just end up going to a play and to the bar and reading my email for

nice messages from people like you

and i think i will never ever be satisfied with my life

and i also have body dismorphia and eating problems and i am broke all the time


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