when you are a dirtbag, you do all of your laundry at the same time or you don’t do it at all. there is no such thing as separate wash loads for different-colored articles of clothing and fabric-materials and delicates. though, sometimes dirtbags are forced to do multiple loads simply because one cannot possibly fit everything into the washer all at once because the machine starts slam-dancing against the wall and screams up the stairs that it is going to make itself fall apart if you don’t turn it off and divy up your stank-ass loser clothes, post-effin’-haste.

when you are a dirtbag you have to sometimes make like you are not a dirtbag and you make everyone else feel awkward and uncomfortable because they make a point to shower everyday and make an effort not to have greasy hair and wear clean underwear but there you are walking around flaunting your i-don’t-give-a-crapness in their face and they are all, i hate him.

and there is this oh shit they know that i know that they know that i am a dirtbag orange-glow that floats all around you at your table and so you have to be loud and boisterous and make your i-don’t-give-a-crapness presence better known like excuse me everyone not sitting at my table, you should all be paying attention to over here RIGHT NOW because OVER HERE there is a lot of nihilistic-coolness happening.

shit.

dirtbag and hipster are two very, very close things, pretty much the same thing, almost, sort of.

equally annoying is what i mean. but what isn’t these days?

golf shirts, for example.

annoying.

though i wear them from time to time.

also.

people who hold doors open for other people just to make everyone in a coffeeshop feel bad for not holding the door, and basically making us all look like the assholes that we are, that, is considered annoying.

though when it is a friend of yours who does it, you are not allowed to be annoyed.

but, you are allowed to tell off your friend when they get back to your table and express that you are thoroughly-dissapointed in them for making everybody feel bad and that you think the only way in which to rectify the situation is to individually apologize to every person in the coffeeshop for being so damn selfish and to especially apologize to the person the door was held-open for in the first place because it is wrong to make one think they are allowed to gloat all day long about a random act of kindness that happened to them by way of fluke.

make sure you get this point across to your friend and that they fully understand that holding doors open for strangers is misleading, and very, very mean, cruel, and dangerous and you should chastise your friend about this for the rest of the day and make up elaborate stories about people getting hurt real bad and being forced to starve themselves and stand naked in the snow until your friend tells you to fuck off altogether.

and that’s when you say, “I’m bored. Quit boring me.”

haha.

ok back to dirtbags.

this was suppose to be a guide to dirtbags but i am annoyed thinking about the subject right now and i am sure you all know how to be a dirtbag anyway though a funny little guide i could put together easily enough for you but you would go, unnngh, that is SO annoying of her to tell ME how to be what i already am.

now i just want to write about things that i am annoyed by and say “pfft” after every sentence.

maybe i’ll do that later.

i am hanging out with eryn tonite. his ex-gf is a dumb tit and i will inevitably write all about this scandalous gossip because i am a busy-body and i feed off other people’s pain and anger and i get angry when they get angry because i come from the nation of RageAngeria.

now mark just called and was all should i go to this gramma’s house or that gramma’s house or should i stay in and read about dungeons&dragons and i said let’s all hang out together even though eryn doesn’t know it yet and you guys have never met and i am always the girl hanging out with the boys and making them be friends because that is just the way it is and if you ever see me out in public with a girl she is either my mum, related to me, or i just met her and we will prolly never hang out again unless pre-arranged by mutual friends and she never calls me and i think about her a lot.