August 2004 - Page 10 of 15 - Raymi the MinxRaymi the Minx

so i made this little comic book thing about the talking hamburger with arms and legs and there are gratuitous chase scenes and he is always fleeing from this stick dood that goes CRAZY when he smells the hamburger, for a five year old, danique, a cute girl from holland during this mentally retarded down-pour in mexico and i wrote it in english and her dad had to translate it to her maybe 50 times and she dug it more than the other little book i made of her and her trip in mexico with butterflies and other boring beach crap and i even took the time to color it and draw her water wings and i got the dad to teach me some deutsch and danique was all, yawn. but the hamburger book that i raced and scribbled thru and didnt even have the proper color for a hamburger patty, i used navy blue, she was like HAHAHAHAHHAHA

HAAAABWAHAHAHHAHAHA etc etc

so, i sat down again and decided i will make a hamburger series of children’s books but then i couldn’t figure out how to do it without swear words or insults.

so i guess i’ll make ‘em for adults instead i think to myself.

the way i draw i totally rip off happy noodle boy by jhonen vasquez and these little disney characters with the alien antennae sticking out of their heads and stupid eyes that bulge and the same character never ever looks the same twice. jamie likes them. he printed one of my fag drawings on a shirt and then gave the shirt to some hussy in amsterdam because she loved it so much so now said hussy is walking around wearing a raymi loves you t-shirt with squiggly colored stick people on it, the same drawing that is in the about raymi blog.

hi jam-e-o!

fuckin charley, why’s you gotta front like that?

florida people, boil your waters. that’s what cnn tole me, so.

july 4/04 raymivision 3:55pm

pancun

there was a mass exodus-like in town, felt like, the town is dead as if all canadians decided collectively we’re goin’ out of town this weekend.

we’ve been upgraded to first class.

dude!

our flight is 3.5 hours.

we already got smokes from duty free. bought a jane magazine. brought blythe too.

upon arriving, raymivision -

this place is a hole. flight center is so sued. a lizard in the room immediately and i could stuff two mayans in my suitcase.

days and gays and days later

i am poorer than these mexicans

i have not had the privilege to even have half a dollar in my pocket for even one minute on this whole trip and it’s been five days into it.

he treats me with less respect than he does the waiters and junky cats that visit at supper.

he backhanded me twice in the face HARD and barricaded me in the bathroom and threw my the last tampon i was about to insert on the floor and called me a bitch

smashed my face in the pillow

and he says it is because i was drunk and screaming, i didn’t start screaming until he was on top of me and smothering me with the pillow

with his hand over my mouth hurting my jaw so fucking much my jaw muscles kill it hurt me so much and he thinks because i finally elbowed him out of reflex that it justifies treating me this way

50 pesos is 5 dollars
10 pesos is 1 dollar

(it is now the middle of august and no one has received my post cards, he is the one who “mailed” them. more like, failed them).

i had nothing else to drink when i went down there to escape and i ran around the compound and his near the staff quarters i was terrified you would chase after me like you always do and i didn’t say one thing about him to anybody just told them the movie wasn’t on and i walked around alone then sat by the pool

i feel like a hostage

you think i only care for your money

all i asked for were some smokes and a beer and i am called a fucking bitch for it

your abuse is KILLING me

my heart is black

and i am afraid of people now

when they are nice to me i cannot begin to comprehend it, it is so foreign to me and that is very wrong

you said it yourself even, you’re nice to everyone else but me

you play the victim so well and you don’t see what you’re doing, how you’re treating your best friend

you have to control everything, always and it is just. not. fair.

you try to change my mind about everything i ever want to do and when we just finished the millionth fight the first thing to come out of your mouth is, “you better not be in this room ‘cos i’m bringing in another girl”

you hurt me so much i dream about other people in bed with you since day one of this trip and the only thing that keeps me breathing and surviving thru it is thinking about canada and my family and my friends and how much i miss them and need them RIGHT NOW oh god

july 12 2004 5pm

we’re waiting in the lobby to go to the airport

don’t let his mood get to you today

remember he hit you in the face lauren

you have no reason to feel bad right now

you devoted yourself enough you don’t owe anything

NOBODY deserves this treatment

NOBODY

you’re exhausted and starving but have no appetite and you’re constantly crapping (thanks playa de carmen club bananas) and the heat is incredible and to top it all off he’s writing untruths about you in his journal though it is good for him to get it out rather on paper than to me

feelings aren’t tangible but they can still hurt like a bitch which he tends to refer to you as every occasion he sees fit and he hates you now so get over it

you love him and you will never stop

OH GOD MY INSIDES HURT WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THE WATER THE FOOD IM GOING TO DIE

maybe if you put makeup on and change you’ll feel better about yourself and he’ll be nicer to you but no, it didn’t work if anything it made things worse

he is trying to get under your skin and he thinks you’re writing shit about him

you only write the truth

he is treating you like everyone else he says but he knows that really, that is not true

he is treating you WORSE

sometimes he is good but only when he realises he has been TOO mean TOO much

i just let him read this

who knows what he’s thinking now and how he will treat you

it doesnt matter you dont need anybody but yourself

he’s certainly trying to end this on a bad note and succeeding, he hasn’t got one nice thing to say or write about you how can someone turn out like that?

well it was his true nature all along

after all you gave of yourself

he is an emotional rapist

remember the wheel you gave to his mother, he falls under every category, he really should see for himself

bullshit he never treated other girls this way. he’s a pathological liar and he lies to all of them and plays them all behind their backs and he had a fucking girlfriend for 2/3 of us dating and i cheated on him once. once!

i should have fucked every single one of your friends and cheated on you

see what hurt really hurts like for you, eh?

i welcomed you into my heart and home and you disrespected everything about me and especially my mother and you think you have the right to talk to her that way

i will NEVER forgive you for that. everything she said to you was true so why were you so surprised?

how could i love someone like this?

bleeding heart, that’s how.

and when someone is falling i fucking catch them come what may, THAT is what unconditional love is even when my arms are covered in bruises and i am shook and my mascara is running down my face i feel for you and i let you have your way even tho you lie and lie and lie and lie and lie and you hold my posessions at ransom to get what you want and try to make money from them and threaten to

if you were penniless, homeless, i would be there for you and i don’t think you believe that

karma, when i am up it will come back to you

i feel like i am dying
———-

saturday -

ps i didnt say your name and i didnt link you and this is MY site so i have every right to write this. i kept it in for 6 months, ok. say your side too. it will only out you. yes you belong in jail like you said and you know and you wrote that you wanted to be there. do not call me anymore or text me when you are doing e’s and no i do not miss going to YOUR raves. i went to REAL garage parties in the uk.