magic pony were at santa cruz last nite i lover them!

 

so we’re gonna meet up youre wandering around i’ll get on my board you know it’s really not a big deal your friend says i am the only one who can help you and then he calls me a loser, no respect, none. i am emotionally drained. i just need to distance myself a little so you don’t have the wrong impression and i need to get ready for the family shit going on later and i have to clean up my clothes and do something with my life before i get kicked out to that other house, you dig?  i hate being callous but it’s the only way i know right now. 6 months was a long time to take and put up with what i put up with and i’m not saying i’m  the bee’s knees here. you know we are all wrong for one another.

 



 

 i need to better myself. you need to better yourself. i love you and that’s why i have to leave you because it is only getting worse. my feelings have changed. my heart is damaged and needs time to heal. i know you are hurting but there is only so much i can do. you are strong and you know it somewhere inside you is the thought of reason, tap into it, you know how to talk yourself out of this. in the end distance is what you need from me cause it only hurts you more to see me and you know it. i’m trying to do the right thing. please meet me halfway.

 

yeh i saw the killers we sat on the patio and only went in to hear the last two songs then we found a cat and made out with it we saw stripper cops do some promotion and one girl full on slammed the other’s hand in the door of their truck and then was like why isnt this door shutting and slammed it more, so they went away. blonds. then went to lee’s palace for the santa cruz party and sawre a bunch of friends i never saw before in awhile even ex dealer bf and everyone is like wow u look so mature and great and shit and im like i have a parasite, thank you, i took blythe too.

 

tim was fun he’s like scream where are the white women at so i did and then i said one girl had to suck his dick and i called a bunch of ‘em white devils and i sawre the vice tv carnage guy and i did the electric slide and got on the stage and did a backwards somersault flip thing but got embarassed. i liked the insync rollerskaters on carpet mucho good mucho good and i missed lucasaids’ performance. again. he is the polkaroo of performing.

 



 

im fucking starrrving and i cant have dairy so i cant have grilled cheese and i wasnt suppose to have caffeine but im having some now and i was not even suppose to have a beer and i didnt i had 5.

 

im going to see the killaz tonite with phil ter, the hair, and the tan and hopefully if we are not on fire we will goto lee’s to see the tallest mexican that i know and love.  we are all wearing pink co-ordinating outfits so look out for us. i’ll be the one not wearing any pants.

 

and so i went to the clinic and i have to do a hmm “sample” tomorrow. there’s this crazy red liquid in one ofthe vials that i guess i get to make a milkshake out of once i add my special ingredient to it.  that thing on my stomache i was freaked over was from my pants afterall. i called my mum at her workout place and was all oh my god this thing on my belly bla bla and shes like im coming right over, got here and was like that’s fucking it im taking u there NOW that is NOTHING!

 

i read this from one of the fashion magazines and it made me think of all the drama going on in tim’s comments over at floorboards.blogspot.com about racism and the like so here it is, and, i quote Murray whyte, fashion & architecture, June 2004 Fashion Magazine:

 

“Every culture has its own set of curses and obscenities, dirty words muttered under our breath, used only to belittle and disparage.”

 

Murray also said that modernism is not style but it’s an aesthetic philosophy, something directed toward the peeps with martinis who use the word modern. fuck don’t you want to slap those people. modern is up there with fabulous for pretentious words. guh. me, yer lucky if you can get me to speak english half the time.

 

anyway, fags can hate on homophobe frat boys because they can and you can’t do anything about it.  i come from suburbia and i live in suburbia and fag is used every ten minutes to describe someone’s behaviour, outfit, things they say, what have you and these dudes are all frat boys who if were thrown out on their asses from their rich parents wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in the real world because someone’s credit card is always nearby.

 

i say fag all the time, ALL the time, AND lesbian and lesbo but i dont say it to people, i say it to my cat because he acts like a lesbo and it’s cute you know.  and i say it to my friends to hush them or make them laugh whatever you say it your mom says it your dad says it your dinosaur says it.

 

using a word that hurts people to describe their behaviour can be tricky you know, you just have to be careful who you say it to and know that these people are your flight attendants, doctor’s, accountants, best friend who you grew up with or even your child’s best friend.  think about who you’re hurting.

 

it’s hard because it is ingrained in our psyches to say this shit and it be socially acceptable and the norm but until you meet someone like kissyfur who speaks out and openly of his sexual orientation and in fact has hiv you shoot him down and say he is whining and you call him a girl. fuck you. that hurts my heart.

 

what if all your life you were gay and everyone called u a girl for it everyday of this life and finally you grow up and find people just like you who dont call you a girl and then u go places and people walk by you and call all of you a girl and then you get hiv because of your gayness once you are finally settled and content with being gay after years of a closeted life and fagbashing and then you die.

 

look, i love frat boys and i love gays. frat boys just have to realise that it’s ok to touch another dude’s penis once ‘n awhile and if that’s not your cup of penis then don’t hit a gay with a bat because it’s his cup of penis. don’t treat anybody like a second class citizen, ever.

 

july 7 2000

 

friday – the air is a buzz with what is to happen tonite.  extended curfew.  about 15 of us have opted for going to this house party we were invited to in gloucester gy this guy from new jersey while we were lost, me and sarah we were stupidly lost though not far at all from montpelier tucker and rebecca were there as well, in search of an irish pub.  we took action shot photos of us strutting down the street i bought this natural sexy drink made of yohimbe and ginseng i did not feel sexy drinking it skeptical mainly. finally made it back, stayed in finishing work it was good to relax though i didn’t fall asleep any sooner read all nite long reading a new book.

 

so i bought my tube pass today.  went with claudia and sarah b all over in attempt to make it to st. paul’s to work on the tour we have to give the class we never even made it there though we we went to other stores all around knightsbridge we’ll go to st. paul’s on sunday instead.

 

later

 

bina gardens basement flat 15 of us 7 of them all americans and us canadians by the end of the nite the canucks were telling the yanks how stupid we thought they all were and how they give us a bad name. v. funny. did my first funnel.

ok im freaked now i have a 2 inch under skin underneath my belly button looks like a worm print like u see those third world country peeps walking around with cept this one isnt raised it could possibly be from the pants i was just wearing but the thing isnt fading away like all the other lines/marks on my body did i took some pictures for you all mum is on way back to take me to clinic. fun.

  So Raymi the celebrity asked me to write a letter, and a LOVE letter at that as to why gays love and should love Raymi so she can publish it on her blog…I only HOPE this gives me a permanant link in Raymi bloggerdome, because when Raymi chooses to graffiti you, you know you’ve struck a chord. I can only speak for myself as to why this buttpirate loves Raymi. I came across Raymi’s page once a couple of years back when I first got to San Francisco. I couldn’t help but be drawn to her page, because of her very acidic, random, and extremely offensive (well, at different times to different people) sense of humour.

 

She’s outspoken, witty, and even more respetfully UNAPOLOGETIC for who she is and what she is feeling. Why not? It’s her fucking online diary, and YOU chose and choose to read it, along with the endless case of diarhhea that she chooses to shit into cyberspace, I guess shit never looked so good in cyberspace and if you look at a picture I raped from her site, it is quite obvious that Raymi may very well take a shit anyplace she damn well pleases…why not? Divine ATE another animal’s turd for art and comedy and outrage in John Water’s Pink Flamingos, and is a gay Icon, so Raymi chooses to talk shit whether important or not is just as arttistically brilliant because in everyone’s right, they are their own piece of work…Oscar Wilde, Madonna, Liz, Raymi, Hun, Me…the list can go on and on about freaks…and whether most uppity fags want to admit it or not, you worship us because we say everything that you wish you could say in your tight little Ambercrombie trousers, but are afraid to because you would rather sell out to a media and become a cookie cutter image of a social reality.

 

You secretly masturbate to a memory of seeing a freak in the grocery store while telling another “freak” with piercings that you like “alternative boys” and that you have a “wild side” (oh and by the way, straight male or gay…Just because you down 4 beers and 2 shots of tequila and did something that only you PERCIEVED everyone else as thinking was funny and then you go to work on Monday and tell everyone that you we’re “so out of control, DUDE” doesn’t make you interesting, doesn’t make you funny…it just basically is an unspoken commentary that the people who saw you basically and UNANIMOUSLY voted you, THE VILLAGE IDIOT!).

 

You would rather be anonymous and bash freaky people  for being themselves. Kurt Cobain used to purposefully kiss his bandmembers on stage to piss guys like you off at his shows (yeah YOU, you drunken closeted frat boy) because pretty much he didn’t feel like being polite to you and you were the types of people he loathed period and YOU STILL CAME TO HIS SHOWS! Gay or not, you secretly want someone like Raymi or myself to give you a blowjob, and maybe we would…or just fuck you over in some socially unacceptable way that would not get people to roll their eyes, but roll with laughter because we could outsmart you…and then we’d come back on our blogs and cackle as we wrote about it, and then pretty much by that point it is in print…and is GOSPEL.

 

  I love Raymi because I see many interesting similarities between our thoughts, though I have never met her in person, but it would most likely be just another mate joining the bandwagon in my life of crazy people. I adore her because she’s basically like a gay man in many respects: she causes outrage by stating opinions and she makes people laugh…just like a good freak was born to do. Gays should love Raymi because I have a feeling, she loves us back…

xoxo Kissyfur

 

i slept off my headache so im sorry we missed the movie im going to fix up my disaster of a face and we’ll raymioke ok? sorry for being a sketchbag, like i want to be alone then i want some comapny and then i dont want to leave my house and then i am like i am lonely and bored and ridiculous and i am depriving people of raymioke so lets go po.