Lauren,

Have you ever just found your self sitting there, staring at a waterbug as it swam around in a pond. Seemingly without a course the little fella’s rip around and around, they aren’t smart enough to know why, because they are bugs, but there is part of them, someplace in that fucked up thing we call a double helix that makes them do it. It keeps them safe from predators as they are not on an easy to catch course, as well it helps them to find the food they need to survive.

I’m glad you’re doing better, even if it’s just a bit. You know we’re all little water bugs, either we are water bugs, or we are on a set course. No one person of ANY significance ever took the latter path. You’re finding what it is that you need in life right now, maybe it’s not always a fun trip, but it’s an effective one provided you let yourself absorb the shit along the way. Experience is your food man, and the predators are the pitfalls of conforming to mediocrity.

C.

raymi –

you live so much in public view it must be agonizing at times – thank you so much for putting up with everyone and continuing with it – i know some day it will just be gone and that will be that – but for now it is there – a part of my life –

tomorrow is five weeks without booze pills or pot –

when i first read your blog i was strung out on oxy xanax and booze. i found your blog looking for oxy on the web – your article an ode to pharmaceuticals came up in my search and i went to rocketbacp or whatever it is and then to your blog.

yee gads.

but i did spank the monkey yesterday

even tho i know i created an evil demon when i did it…

sigh.

- willheim

that’s my sidewalk vagina (james) prom date from highschool who has a unicycle and is best friends now with MY old best friend of five minutes i HATE YOU james! anyway, kev, the one with baby in the pics, i use to tool his older brother and now older brother is not allowed to talk to me write to me go to my site even kuz his gf is jealous of me and even confronted me in the bathroom at scumchance and tole me so and i’m all, dude, im here to SING and im with my own bf of the minute so don’t even worry. pfft. and john wayne punked off older brother for our beer tab many moons later at the scumchance and said we had no monies but we did but it’s ok kuz raymi was spending money left and right and it had to be done. anti, remember when i lost it on that little pipsqueak the second we walked thru the door kuz he’s all what’s wrong was toronto too much for ya?

ahem, wrong greeting, wolverine. you’re lucky, i’m lucky i didn’t smash my beer on your head. they had to stop raymioke kuz of that incident. kinda blew it.

another time me and the kanye wayne’s rapped beastie boys and everyone made the all-i-did-was-leave-the-frying-pan-in-the-sink-and-you-are-freaking-out-on-me-face at us and we were solid gold wrestlers! hoo-ah!

i remember when lobe put sand down matt’s pants and matt ran all the way home and leah gave lobe shit for being a big prick, my brother was in on it too though lobe obviously instigated all of it kuz matt is his little shitkid brother but now matt is like the incredbile hulk and could just throw lobe into a turbine. nahmean.

OK sweet corn cakes – here she goes

what did you do yesterday. i dyed my hair and my neck and ears and

bathroom counter and toilet seat black. AND i painted my finger nails

red. tres goth larue. i want to read some anne rice by candle light

and smoke a clove and lament my mortality.

What are you doing right now? currently i am getting ready for work.

You know, i wish someone would just pay me to smoke cigarettes and be

fabulous soon. becuase ugh -work is so last season. ya dig, my hep

cat.

hold please – have to poo.

you know what reminds me of poo? money. money is poo. i hate it. I wish

it would start kissing my ass and try to be my friend.

anyhow. sorry to hear about your panic attack. dood – those things

blow. but you prolly know that already, but you also know how i LOVE

to state the obvious. YES. ok…so are you still taking that medicine?

WHOA – i gotta go or i’ll be late. Write me back and i will write you

and it will be great.

tres goth