he made me a nice button

do you wanna buy my dirty knickers? write to me, i’ll tell you the deal.

i started writing for anti. we inspire each other and pretend we are going to change the world in some minimal way it’s great. we have been online buddies for years. i’m gonna go meet him. we won’t have sex.

i missed my appointment.

my alarm went off and i said to myself, ok, i am just going to put my head down for one minute and then i am going to get up and go have a nice bath but then i didn’t put my head up until 1:24pm and my appointment began at 1:15pm.

what is my fucking problem?

jesusfuck.

i can’t fully get everything done today because everything is messed up and on a different machine or the internet won’t run thru ‘em all and arggh.

so it’s pretty obvious that i need help. i need a team. a crew. some black dudes wearing timberlands and maybe that ashanti chick?

hmm.

i feel like a dumbhead for saying, “and now i am working on this…bla bla” and not show you anything new.

i’ve been pretty busy and then pretty lazy, but the work is all there. it’s just a matter of a few nerds showing up and piecing it all together.

i’ve been asked what the fuck is going on with this raymi empire shit, what am i selling what am i doing, what do they not know about?

it’s pretty simple, things you already know about, things you’ve already seen, just more extensive. am i suppose to put, “intensive” here? anyway, you’ll like it. or you’ll yawn a little bit.

you can’t ignore expansion.

holy shit i am on the internet.

fuck.

wooooooooooooooh.

i feel like i am living in an episode of the real world, 1993. this fucking loft. primary color walls and stair cases and fucking dark room, shelves, catwalk, twenty-five foot ceilings in the most illest part of town, the new black. damskippee. we should put a carousel and a waterslide, fireman’s pole bla bla bla there is so much space we can’t even think about what we want to put in it. i rarely go outside and actually doing something is mega-hard. one reason, it’s bone-chilling death-weather these days. i am never awake during the warm, daylight parts of the day. it’s alaska during dark season. i’ve seen polar bears and turbines and and and.. i modeled. i slept on the livingroom carpet under an easel with zoolander being really really really extremely good looking and tried to pay attention at the shittiest most boring of stripclubs. i saw men behaving politely to boobs larue pamela andersens, tables and rooms of them.

i don’t eat then i eat and then i don’t.

internet is my life.

internet not around, email hacked = i lose my fucking mind.

and that, i did.

things are looking up.

in ten minutes i’ll upload more pictures, content, blarghh bla bla,

and continue talking about everyfuckingsingle important thing i have said

i have did

since being gone.

since having left you.

motherfucking fuck.

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Alex says:

i love you raymi

raymi’s back says:

thanks

raymi’s back says:

i love me too

Alex says:

you are so awesome.

Alex says:

your mind is what the average person wants to have

raymi’s back says:

really?

Alex says:

yes

raymi’s back says:

you are just trying to get into my pants

Alex says:

no, i am too far away for that

Alex says:

i’m being serious

raymi’s back says:

good

raymi’s back says:

tell me more good things about myself

Alex says:

i honestly think you tap into a stream of consciousness that resonates with a lot of people

raymi’s back says:

why havent u made me my 400k/year yet?

Alex says:

cuz i have bene busy making myself 500k/year

raymi’s back says:

im perfect for the general population of dumb people

Alex says:

i agree..you are just controversial enough, but you seem sweet and accessible.

raymi’s back says:

do you own fancy cars and hang out with skinny women and cheat on them mercilessly too?

raymi’s back says:

yeh im pretty fucking accessible

Alex says:

i cheat on everyone

raymi’s back says:

you want my phone number? how about my SIN # ?

raymi’s back says:

i want to be in movies

raymi’s back says:

im tired of these fucking booby pictures

raymi’s back says:

i have lots of video footage

raymi’s back says:

blarrgh

Alex says:

yeah you should be a movie star

Alex says:

you are a lot hotter than Naomi Watts, who is supposed to be the next big thing

raymi’s back says:

working on it

raymi’s back says:

its hard doing it alone

Alex says:

i think you really should be in movies

raymi’s back says:

i need assistants

Alex says:

have you ever gone to auditions

raymi’s back says:

no

raymi’s back says:

i get too mouthy

raymi’s back says:

and cant get passed the bar

Alex says:

you should, you have the looks. i’m not sure what your voice sounds like

raymi’s back says:

it sounds hot

raymi’s back says:

it would be a pretty big major let down if i sounded like a fuckwit

Alex says:

yeah, it would

raymi’s back says:

what with all the buildup

Alex says:

but do you come across as ‘smart’ ..or do you stammer a lot

raymi’s back says:

i sound like a sexmachine

raymi’s back says:

both

raymi’s back says:

im charming

raymi’s back says:

i put on an act

raymi’s back says:

quite often

raymi’s back says:

so you never really know

raymi’s back says:

whatever

raymi’s back says:

im humble

raymi’s back says:

im not a big obnoxious dickhead

raymi’s back says:

whatever

Alex says:

i think you should go for the sweet innocent type

raymi’s back says:

it works, whatever it is i gots

Alex says:

thats the look you have

raymi’s back says:

no way

Alex says:

but with a sex-kitten inside

raymi’s back says:

im the villain, when people are hating me, it means they are really loving me

Alex says:

naw, you have to win the crowd maximus

raymi’s back says:

i have won the crowd

Alex says:

what crowd, the masturbating on the net crowd

Alex says:

i mean the big,real crowd

raymi’s back says:

i kinda enjoy being semi-famous

raymi’s back says:

kuz then i always have an excuse

Alex says:

yeah but you gotta go for it

raymi’s back says:

why dont u do half the work for me then with your big fucking blabbermouth, then?

Alex says:

fuck the safety net

raymi’s back says:

im insecure

Alex says:

what do i get out of it, half the profits?

raymi’s back says:

and again its hard doing this alone

raymi’s back says:

i have a lot on my plate

raymi’s back says:

i would gladly pay someone 2 thousand dollars right now to just point me in the right fucking direction

Alex says:

when i get back to canada we should get together, we can do some damage

raymi’s back says:

im not joking

raymi’s back says:

well now is the time

raymi’s back says:

or im just going to run away for a long time and then send a book out once n awhile

raymi’s back says:

im a pretty awful wreck these days

raymi’s back says:

dsgfghh

Alex says:

sounds like you are doing too much coke

Alex says:

from what i last read on your site a few days ago

raymi’s back says:

no its not the coke

raymi’s back says:

the coke is nothing

Alex says:

coke will kill you dude

raymi’s back says:

thats not the issue

raymi’s back says:

yeh im aware of that

Alex says:

and you cant be famous in the ground

raymi’s back says:

people think thats what im all about

Alex says:

not to preach, but you are a lot smarter than that

raymi’s back says:

im pretty good at misleading you

raymi’s back says:

im not denying i dont do that sort of thing

raymi’s back says:

look heres the deal, i have money, i have content, i havethe following, the look, the know how, but im inthe middle of two different apartments, havent been online,

raymi’s back says:

uhhh

raymi’s back says:

and then ten million other excuses

raymi’s back says:

email hacked

raymi’s back says:

psycho roomate at one apartment who was the one who hacked my account

raymi’s back says:

etcetera etcetera

Alex says:

so what is the problem?

raymi’s back says:

its hard to get things done when the world is working against you

Alex says:

so fucking hunker down somewhere for 2 weeks and get your shit sorted

raymi’s back says:

I NEED A FUCKING ASSISTANT TO DO ALL THE SHIT I DO EVERYDAY AND JUST DO IT FOR ME

raymi’s back says:

kuz i am losing my mind

raymi’s back says:

all the emails daily

raymi’s back says:

and work

raymi’s back says:

and writing

Alex says:

you need to eliminate all this bullshit wasting of time and do what you have to do

raymi’s back says:

ahhh

raymi’s back says:

well i dotn know what to do anymore

Alex says:

well, disconnect yourself from the internet/phone for a week

Alex says:

it’ll clear your mind

raymi’s back says:

i did that already and look where it got me

raymi’s back says:

i need the internet like u have no idea

raymi’s back says:

i have so much free time

raymi’s back says:

its sick

raymi’s back says:

SICK

Alex says:

well, you seem confused…too much free time/you need an assistant

Alex says:

that doesnt really jibe

raymi’s back says:

just send a team of suits on over here please, i want to steer the ship, i am tried of grunt work

raymi’s back says:

ok fuggit

raymi’s back says:

u dont understand

raymi’s back says:

i do things a certain way

raymi’s back says:

it’ll be the ruin of me

Alex says:

ok.

Alex says:

well, you should hire someone then, if you think it’ll help

raymi’s back says:

im trying

raymi’s back says:

but no one gets it

raymi’s back says:

well they sort of do

raymi’s back says:

well

raymi’s back says:

yeh ill try harder

raymi’s back says:

im a hedonist

raymi’s back says:

its my own fault

Alex says:

i’m sure you’ll be famous…hot chicks like you who have some ambition always do become famous

raymi’s back says:

yeh but i dont want to be famous for all the wrong reasons

raymi’s back says:

this is a pretty sick reality show

Alex says:

so what reason do you want to become famous for

Alex says:

writing?

raymi’s back says:

its me tryng to be famous but not really trying, just sitting around talking about being famous and irritating everyone around me including myself

raymi’s back says:

writing yes

raymi’s back says:

and hotness

Alex says:

lol

raymi’s back says:

hotness with writing

raymi’s back says:

im a good host/role model for fuckwits

raymi’s back says:

people understand me

Alex says:

you have the hotness…the writing is a bit inconsistent but shows flashes

raymi’s back says:

well i have written lots more

Alex says:

yeah, i can see that. you are the beacon of light for dumb people…if you try real hard you can be like her

raymi’s back says:

people havent seen yet

raymi’s back says:

shut up

Alex says:

show me some

raymi’s back says:

no

The post is from RaymiTheMinx.com copyright 1888 to 2888

ok so no i do not hate all asians. i meant that i hate EVERYONE equally. i am not a racist, well, not all the time. if you spend a whole day with me you’ll soon realise i say a lot of things about a lot of people and i don’t necessarily say them to be mean or anti-semetic, whathaveyou. i normally am too busy thinking about marshmallows and making cock jokes to bother making judgements. these days i am too busy folding laundry and making long distance phonecalls and hanging with sammy at the cadillac lounge. i am at the huge loft space but also seeking another place. it’s a long fucking story. buy the book. seriously. my dad is coming to town to hang with me and my dumb friends. on saturday at the blue moon you can find me and the blond girl being models for this twisted valentine’s party with other acts and shit. doors open at 9 and it’s 6 dollars. on queen and broadview. nasty. tonite we’ll be at for your eyes only, some strip club on king? i only gotothe nasty ones so i have not been there. i hope cocaine falls into my nose from a stripper’s moustache. there haven’t been new pictures because we have been busy setting up shoppe ‘n office so just wait, ok? and for everyone who has written and sent emails about my assistant-seeking, please at the moment i require toronto living persons only, after that we can discuss pay. it’s not a nine-five gig and i won’t need you everyday so do not quit your fucking job, i don’t care how much you make a year. thanks.

umh.

if you are a literary agent, please write to me.

these are the plans:

soon there’ll be “what raymi’s been up to” exclusive photos page, i dunno, maybe 15 dollars for access for a month, in-where slowly but surely more and more photos/videos will be added not to forget more fucking content. that’s the overall dream/intention. some stuff will always be free. don’t worry.

i’ve been hanging out at net cafes all over the city and haven’t been able to show you all the things ive been working on with my best friend, the laptop.

what do you want to know about?

just come and find me and axe me whats up.

see you at the club.

dear douglas coupland

you have not written back to me yet. i am starting not to care. i put the email i wrote you in my book so when i get big and famous you will feel dumb for not writing back to me and everyone will say, oh hey look it’s that author that never wrote back to raymi. man, what’s his deal? yeh it’s true that you might not write back because i am scaring you or whatever, but still, i am harmless. i promise.

i bought translucent red shower curtains for the clawfoot porcelain tub. i also got a cheesy leopard print rug for the bathroom. today i mopped the kitchen floor. it is blacvk and white checkered. i like doing the laundry. i see a lot of junkies in this ‘hood. they’re pretty nice. parkdalemiddleton lets me draw drawings and he films me when i try and talk business. you’ll see that in the raymi documentaries. i wrote my very first autograph just ten minutes ago.

anyway, i’ll let you get back to your big mansion now. i have to go to the beer store. oh yah i am going to visit anti in LA soon.
x.

raymi.

The post is from RaymiTheMinx.com copyright 1888 to 2888

what would happen if i stood up right now and told a whole bunch of asian boys to shut the fuck up and then maybe smash a computer?

i fucking hate them all.

i asked the guy to seat me in the most quietest, un-cold part of the room so he put me under the drafty skylight and smack in the middle of ten boys playing gay fucking dork doom role playing star trek asian fantastic nitemare whatever the fuck games and they are all screaming and smoking and talking about hot girls they think are “worthy enough to pursue” although they are fat and stupid and ugly and make statements such as that to protect their puny little egos not to mention the most common of defense mechanisms for rejection.

they just don’t understand real life women and they compare them to hot comic book chicks and therefore have zero capacity to fathom any sort of flaw the real life woman might have because she does not look anything like that of catwoman or barbarella, whatever, these fucking tardbag’s perception of reality is vastly fucked.

FUCKED!

i am seriously considering having my armpit sweat glands removed because i sweat like a fat old fat man who is fat. but just my armpits.

this is what is different or perhaps still the same in my life.

i still hate a lot of people and they still hate me. i still love a lot of people and they still love me.

i don’t sleep enough. i missed both crazy appointments today/ i go back n forth to coke but always seem to be able to stop for at least a week or two.

i need to hire an assistant. someone who is trustworthy, just as passionate as i am right now and understands how much of a privilege it will be to work with me. i’m in the process of setting up a media company, well, i have already done that and all i have left to do is get an office. so in a month’s time i’ll be hiring and firing. fuck if you just wanna hang out and fold my napkins and tell me how great i am, perfect. you’ll have to check my emails too and upload all my photos, do all the shit i’ve been doing for the past 3 years. you’ll be privy to a LOT of shit. so serious replies only. and yes you’ll be paid so don’t ask any dumb questions.

i realise i have all the necessary means to do the things i need/want to do. i just need one of those people to walk around with a day planner and take down my ideas.

im not going to suck your cock and you are not going to eat me but you’ll, again, be my little bitch. i’ll treat you right.

necessary skills: must live in toronto, must not be stupid, no criminal record (just so you can travel with me to whereverthefuck), must know what the internet is and how to use it and push buttons, you have to have style and be quick-witted. i’ll think of other stuff later.

i think most importantly you have to have faith and believe that raymitheminx is a brand now, yes sounds gay but it’s true. big things are developing and it’s escalated to the point where i need help, first one person, and then very many. we’re creating an empire here and it’s safe to say it’s not an unattainable dream or vision. this is not to going to be a regular 9 to 5er. you’re either in or out. and that’s that.

i am pioneering that of a phenomenon. i am the antithesis to everything and anything involving what might be popular culture these days.

im the snarky answer to a question never asked.

i know who is fucking with me before i am even fucked with.

it’s a burden, this, this intuition. whatever. you get it too, im sure.

i am not going to sit here and tell you why i think you should take me seriously because you already know everything i am about to say. if you’ve read this far or stuck with me, you just know that there is some depth to all of this, not to mention the very manythings i have not ever shared with you guys or shown.

to be frank, if you start off an email with a tone or attitude that says i have to prove to you why i think i am a sure-thing, you my friend, will have zero chance to ever be in raymi’s circle of trust.

ps

got my email back. because i am so crafty. and yes i realise it is my fault for it being taken away in the first place but it still is illegal and a pretty shitty way to get your point across and i know who did it but causing anymore harm or stress would just be dumb at this point so who cares. just don’t fuck with me ever again. catching up to do now. u can send mail to rawkrawk@hotmail.com again. k bye.

things will be organized around these parts soon enough. don’t worry.

The post is from RaymiTheMinx.com copyright 1888 to 2888

ps i found this place i thought u might like it as much as jamaica dudes

some fucking assholes hacked my hotmail account? whatever. email suitesoleil@hotmail.com or deeperfunk@yahoo.ca if it’s urgent that or this chinese machine is fucked. meh. lots of gossip and rage and lore to tell you. first that hot sexy blythe photographer emailed ME! and i would post it but my hotmail account is having an asshole attack. um, some seXtv producer wants to meet me for drinks and talk about my bountiful wisdom and knowledge about pornos. in a week look for “what raymi’s been up to” exclusive paid photos/videos site. rock rock rock til the break of dawn.

ps more drunken slur photos to come and don’t worry, the blog will never disappear.

oh and i was linked by pornpornymcpornporn and thus ten jillion hits more and stuff and mentioned at porno sites? i hope i get invited to the porn awards in las vegas!!! anti will come with me.

add me to yer msn with suitesoleil@hotmail.com if yer a regular friend, if yer useless you can fuck off and die.

dear douglas coupland.

everything kinda sucks for me right now though i have written some proposals, made some art, talked to important people, made ultimatums and um, bought useless things and whatever over the last week. it truly kills me not to have my emails and my precious personal things. this is going to be a huge nasty legal battle if it gets any worse, my fucking book is in my hotmail account and other personal shit and this coul affect any and every person who has ever emailed me. i am not even famous and someone already wants to destroy and sabotage every fucking piece of work i have done. please help me and email: MSNPrivacy@msn.com and tell them my story or get them to help me NOW!

thanks.

i am so mad right now i want to explode from the inside and no one will help me i need a hacker and programmers and everyone to killkillkilllllllllllllllll.

people don’t come back so often if i don’t update with beaver pictures. funny. i guess my writing isn’t all that afterall. perhaps you could hang out here.

i have zero structure in my life. i am going mental because my laptop and office type shit has not been rounded up yet and last nite i slept on the third floor catwalk/closet, by myself under a rusty ole air conditioner and then i missed one of my crazy appointments this morning. i might get a prescription for fluoxitine – it covers adhd, depression, anxiety and the ten million other things that i suffer from.

i have even decided to join these group therapy things so we can take a weekly busride to the ymca and shoot guns and write in our journals about coke binges and stuff.

i’m kinda excited. they say i have to go at least 3 times a week otherwise i get kicked out.

uh oh.

maybe i will be the most popular girl in the class and they will let me stand on a table and tell stories about my exciting life.

anyhow, i am the most irritating thing ever and everyone hates me and the blond girl because we make too many cock jokes so we might as well go lay in a ditch on dupont.

does your dad look this hip?

mine does, sort of.

maybe.

The post is from RaymiTheMinx.com copyright 1888 to 2888

moving is hard. its not even done. i feel like a prisoner. i cant even make loud noises. we talk until we are like blue and falling asleep, me and the blond girl. we call her ice cold pussy. we think we were drugged, again. well i was at least. that or i am extremely allergic to alcohol, but once n awhile. it was fucked. we are trash and we love it. we pick fights with fat old men and then wonder why all the men are irritated by us.

nothing we do is stupid.