I know I fucked it up and he is never ever ever going to write back. It�s already almost 24 hours later and he still hasn�t responded.

There is no hope for me.

I could be going to Honest Ed�s or to Ikea but I can�t even picture myself outside of this apartment at any time today.

Not even if the building was on fire.

It�s like I have been fasting everyday, all day until eleven pm eleven at nite and then I eat and stay up �til 7 or 9 am and then I sleep and do it again and again and THAT is why I weigh about 120lbs. I am 5�9 and should be weighing at least, AT LEAST 138lbs.

Yes.

But I really like being skinny. I wish I was skinnier just so I could be a fucking supermodel and step on other people, like fat girls who hate me, fuck them!

I don�t care if I am not tall enough, Posh spice did some runway modelling and she is like an elf. When I am famous I am walking down a fucking runway and I am spitting on everyone who looks at me in a bad way.

my face is white because i am micheal jackson. no. i fall asleep wearing make-up all the time and i always forget that when i fall out of bed and walk directly to the tanning salon so my body is brown and my face is from interview with the vampire.

what do i want to tell you first today?

oh right, ok, so the adult website in-which i use to show my vagina for, those guys took it upon themselves to hack the eff out of my last paycheck, my hours, my shifts, saying i was late here and there..bla bla. it was all very amusing and hilarious, we stood around sharing a laugh or two and i was like, boy, this is a wonderful place of employment i am so glad i worked here and you guys really took care of me. and so i waved goodbye cheerfully and said lets have a coffee, some day.

just wait.

these are the things i would like to do today but i know i won’t:

comb my hair.

go to the tanning salon

watch the rest of minority report (i know i will do this)

go to honest ed’s

go to ikea

go to my apartment and pick up all packages, letters, junk mail and the stash of hundred dollar bills between my futon and its frame and then go straight to private eye’s in niagara falls.

go to the movies because it is tuesday cheap nite

i am bored of this list already.

i bought a new hat from the market, yesterday. it is interesting looking.

i wrote an electronic message to douglas coupland for real.

i will post what i wrote. hmm, maybe not. only if he responds.

i have to watch tv and think about boys now.

if that swollen members/nelly furtado breath song isn’t your newest most favourite song, i can’t ever be your friend. never.