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She, walking like a killer

how do you follow a post like that? uh normalcy normalcy! bah.

for the billionth time, weed helps.

canned wine.

felt completely mentally exhausted yesterday, put through the ringer. lamest statement ever, second half of that last sentence. cliché pile. lets invite the entire town to the trainwreck.

and so halloween evening i was treated to a taste of class, burlington style. on our way to bar 2 this car of four attempted to drag race us at some lights, cool. minors, assumed, why else would you be riding around halloween nite in a car if you were old enough to get into a bar? you wouldn’t be is the case, you’d be partying. anyway, as we were going on ahead to park safely making passage for the other car to speed away one (putrid looking angry nerd) guy in the back screamed at dave NICE WIG YOU FUCKING LOSER. dave thinks he said faggot. i heard loser. no matter, crazy rage shakes took hold and i said can we do something about this right fucking now!? so we peeled out of the parking lot in pursuit for awhile but they were gone. SO so mad. who does that? that guy deserves a curb-stomping and i’m certain if he lips off strangers on the regular, someday he shall be gifted by one. it was the way he said it, the look on his face, so certain, so disgusting. ugh. plus acne and bad hair, and he wasn’t riding shotgun so we know the pecking order of his social circle. desperation is not a hot look.

act two. in bar, meet some pals, there’s a back private party going on we get in on, realise we’re pretty plastered but oh my fuck they do it differently here. everyone is wrecked, i’m kinda diggin’ on it but also a little taken aback. ps. my nickname is toronto by the by haha. we go to the pool table near the back just to, do something? we get to playing, then it’s my go (stripes) and there’s a table tucked in the corner with some surly folk haulin’ drinks. one thing here is people are ready to throw down at the drop of a hat, are actually looking to do so. this ain’t your hipster pretend you don’t see one another scene which you don’t realise you’re fond of (though while immersed in it, hugely HUGELY annoying) until you hit “downtown” burlington. this scene’s number one priority is YES i saw you and i saw that you saw that i saw you, now what the fuck do you want to do about it? everyone in costume adds an extra element of bizarro. ps. for the record i LOVE that “i know that you know that i know…” saying. typing it is very rewarding. you feel like you invented comedy.

anyway, my shot is up and it’s one of those have to shove the pool cue way out in to someone’s personal space shots. this girl, or shrek as i might say, (not dressed as, just unfortunately shaped as such) in a terrible platinum blond bob wig is sitting on a high chair seat watching my uncomfortable situation. there’s also an empty seat right beside her but she’s choosing purposely to stay put, jack and coke in-hand, exactly in my way. i give this scenario two second’s worth of patience then i purposely flub the shot, put cue down on the table and commence knocking all the balls into their pockets by hand. shrek blechs out at me AW SOMEONE GOT UPSET. i ignore, continue over to my pint and other table casually, gingerly, librarianly. shrek says YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED ME TO MOVE. i make my way around the pool table to get the rest of the balls in, put my arms in the air and say I THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS (in my most effective you are so beneath me tone of voice, it’s a pretty good one ask my brother or anyone who knows me) in normal people maturity manners land, it is. you just move and carry on with your own shit. not here. then some other unintelligible shit was uttered in my direction, the air got a little tense. i was still pissed about the piece of shit from the car prior to this wonderful scene plus way too blasted to deal so we chugged then split once the proper amount of standing there making everyone as uncomfortable as possible time was allocated.

if you choose the table by the pool table intended for pool sharks, you are not allowed to be annoyed if someone playing pool gets in your way a little. that’s kind of the fucking rule and you are no exception, aside from being exceptionally white trash. why does crazy follow me, do i bring it on myself? am i deluded? i used to defend myself in saying it’s cos you live in a city and go out a lot, the probability of more and more shitty scenarios is higher and likelier but now i’m beginning to wonder. i never initiate aggression with others is what i’m saying. is it my vibe, my look? what the hell.

oh and on my way in one genius girl says to me ARE YOU A NERD!? (librarian glasses) i was just like where am i what the fuck, how do you react to all of this? this change. everything. i told her um, yes? she was dressed as amy winehouse and holy moly what a mouth, what an incredibly loud belligerent wailing mouthpiece on’er. i kind of admired her.

maybe a little anti-climactic but i’m sure it’s only a little while til the next class-act reveals themselves.

in other news, the local mediterranean establishment continues to offer up the most colourful and amusing of drunk people watching spots whence hangover dining.

also don’t forget tonight to nominate my blog for the 2009 weblog awards if you want to help motivate me to continue on the coarse of steering this shit show ship. i took it last year for best diarrheaist. i feel like the last year i did a pretty good run of things, yeah? pretty on par and consistent. also hello, how could you say no to this little elf?

that’s what greasy write-off day hair looks like. this picture is so fucking stupid i am making it my new blogger profile picture. i might even put it up there where the welcoming i am a pretty girl with an internet website sidebar photo is supposed to be. WELCOME MUCH. i title this image the weed grinch: comes over, gets high, eats all your candy, talks mad shit, makes you laugh so hard you die then steals all your dvds.

(ps. needing a volunteer makeup artist to paint this mug saturday for a video shoot. come be a part of something spectacular)

here are the categories you can nominate my blog in.

34 thoughts on “She, walking like a killer

  1. shit would be off the hook. Haha like it already isn’t. how much weed do you usually smoke in a week? it’s quite theraputic, i must agree

  2. Haha well I suppose it’s a good thing before you get paro. 4 hour panic attacks are the craziest/scariest fucking thing

  3. exactly. i am way too sensitive this time around. i am into super mild stuff like give me dust if you got it no heavy crystals purple coloured hairs whatever.

  4. simultaneously there was some guy dressed as shrek in another room. i got drunk internal giggles for a bit about it. also, her costume what was it? your costume is a wig? cool.

  5. I apologize raymismom. but you see we are agreeing on her cutting back? better than alcohol, in my opinion anyways.

  6. haha purple hairs.
    four hour long panic attacks for me too. i actually trip when i’m stoned. i haven’t gotten back on the horse since i ate a thc lozenge sold at the weed shops here… left it on my mouth to long and had my first really bad panic/drug trip of my life. i was afraid of the tv being off, then on, then the radio being on, then the red light in the room.. then i sprayed myself in the face with aromatherapy spray after carefully examining the nosil to make sure it wasn’t facing me…my temperature was soring.. did not get a break from my tormented thoughts until i finally passed out a few hours later. oh man i had to really truck through that one. Yep the ganja is not for me unfortunately. super jealous.

  7. jesus i cant wait to think about all that next time i get high. you pretty much just scribed the best anti-weed propaganda note ever.

  8. ha and to think i can barely function without a 7 a.m. joint…

    and we are talking full on skunkified make-your-forehead-sweat-its-so-potent Kush…

    man i need some halloween candy like stat haha

    i can roll a six-paper joint like nobody’s business ;)

  9. dood

    We were at the liquor store in suburbia a couple weeks ago and this total douche says to me (while we’re in line) “Um sorry, but could you do me a favour and fix his (Corey’s) collar (on jacket) for me? It’s driving me CRAZY. What can I say? OCD.”

    LIke WTF?

    Corey turns around and says “I’m just glad I’m not wearing a fucking stupid hat like THAT (JT-style hat)”

    Snnnnappp!

  10. i smoked weed once like 18 years ago and it was horrible, uughhhhhh
    i got super paranoid and weird and everything was slow and uughh no thanks. never again.
    im actually quite jealous of people that do smoke, (like all my friends) they seem to have so much fun on it, but im too scared to try again since my last time was like being on mushrooms.

  11. Hate to say it but your paragraph on Shrek made me laugh so hard – it reminds me of someone who I’d rather forget. So, um… thanks?

  12. Read yourself. You likely will not survive the crash and burn you are headed for this time. I don’t suppose you care at this point, but I pray for you daily. Stop riding and running with impaired people, they have “serious accidents” that are truthfully called negligent homicides. There is more to life and the best part of love is giving. You can moderate me to thin air now but when the lights go out, you won’t be the moderator Lauren. Please snap out of it, your mother loves you.

    friend gary

  13. Cute Cardigan!

    I’ve decided. I’m going to head out east one of these days… maybe early spring. We need to hang. I’ve got an AMAZING brownie recipe. Seriously.

  14. in response to smoking reefer…(coming from a gigantic pothead/drunk (for full disclosure)): if i ever spawned a child i would much much MUCH MUCH rather have them smoking reefers than drinking. the dumbest thing i’ve done high is eat too many cookies…the dumbest thing i’ve done drunk…well…let’s just say 90% of my fuck list and multiple serious injuries?

    also: bitchy fat chics = loathsome. you’re already physically unattractive, must your personality match?

    also: i am a horrible person.

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