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faking it again.

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haha sloppy vision.

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oh i’ll kiss you too. kissaholic anonymous. except VERY PUBLICLY.

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it’s a picture of me getting my way.

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so happy. this spring i’ma sell this one, it’s called london.

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so versatile.

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and i am skinnier than it. yay. oh hey jason wtf? it’s like i conjured up everybody out of a genie bottle by blasting those photos up from tarek’s birthday (obvs having most to do with all of this).

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oh yes now please help me fix this thanks. women, ahem, do you feel me now? now, pay attention closely please.

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comprende?

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how about now?

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understand?

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this is why we do the things we do.

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ahh gosh darn jeez.

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sometimes i feel like you aren’t even listening to me at all.

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so um, right here? mhmm. hahahah.

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oh i think we got it finally now, sorry about that colleague.

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liking the safety pin accoutrements. boy has a personal signature.

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not now april mom is busy.

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oh great, now you are fucked.

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i can’t handle it.

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so revealing.

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oh april hehehehh awesome.

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predatory. i need a madam name. too bad heidi fleiss is taken.

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the sweet onion hypnotizes tarek.

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i need a pantyhose hosiery tights socks sponsorship. winkity wink. i think i am canada’s most famous blogger WITH THE BEST LEGS since 2000. go ahead and dispute that.

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i love this guy. i molested one of those appleton modelservants too. of course i did. oh that’s right there was a chick who was like 8 feet tall walking around. it was amazing.

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photobomber.

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our butts should be touching.

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potatoface.

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wonder where these men went off to this night. i say no more. hehh.

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tarek got our girl this dress.

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i edie’d around the room.

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see how tall i am? stupid pose with legs (i will stop doing that eventually) making me slouch, she’s in heels and i am STILL taller. maybe i will start lying about my height. yeah. i am 5’10 guys. i am 5’8, photograph as 5’11. now spread it.

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appears as though i am about to be nexted but what is actually happening here readers is i am nexting a drink off her tray and seen.

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admiring my fall future with these nella purses. i informed some soshe media people, or reminded them that i am the reason they have anything to do with the tarek nella purse parties at all. i got there first then my coattailers beaked up. one kid in particular was like, oh, well, i see. the ball dropped that’s right you are talking to the queen bee. i handed my card to another and he’s like all these awards? when did you win them? ok we are putting you in the summer issue. another queen bee blogger reminder, NONE of my competitors have won any blog awards as far as i remember or know, and each award as you all remember, was weeks of abuse and torture and work and i always landed first place. they are achievements and i plan to never bother with them again hahaha. i just realized this evening that i have to play the game some more and i’ve been too lazy, though i’m afforded that luxury of not having to work myself to the bone as much as others have to offensively litter each post with insincere ads and links and circle jerks i get to do the lazy raymi self indulgent organic thing more so i should stop feeling so stressed and competitive and use this extra time to FINISH MY BOOK.

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holy tangent. also i will be speaking to a class at my old high school soon. i will be inspiring minds to not go to college or university to just party til they’re 28 WUHOO! no kidding relax there folks, i will be making it very clear that only certain people make it. i’ll be using talking points from my book. which i have done at all of my talks. i spoke to millionaire entrepreneurs, i spoke at ryerson as well, that was awesome. i’ll brag about these another time but i tell you nothing is more fulfilling than motivating others just by opening and closing your mouth a lot and talking about yourself. speaking to rich jet setters about blogging and making money on the internet, amazing.

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i want you now.

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tarek you are so balling guy! fuck! fuckin right awesome!

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raymitheminx needs its own font designed then i’ll get that tattoo’d down my arm.

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i heard all of this from the ladies. i had a shy bladder and was so infuriated with my timing. it’s a mixed blessing as i’m sure i would have heckled or said something dumb.

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cool shot. i love that you are standing on an actual soap box.

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doesn’t age.

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so it can be a clutch on its own the little guy or worn like tool time as jason showed us a few posts back.

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smart bag.

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i saw this photographer just itching to take my picture but not sure how to broach it so i looked at him and said you can take my picture like royalty. which was nice of me as he took the last rum cran off the modelservant’s tray before i could.

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and that’s me holding it for him.

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i gave him a few options to work with. i am generous like that.

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oh now what, you too?

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fuh-ine. actually i felt like i blinked a lot thursday night. i did. i ruined many pictures because as much as i am a poser, i am pretty au naturale too.

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this is before brock (20!) asked about my birthday and how i’m thirty now. see what happens on your 21st. kiddo. also, let me remind you about something.

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you may be younger but you cannot outlast me. also, this could’ve been worse. much much worse. can a blog slave somewhere mark a line down on the kill board for me please? thank you.

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i cock-blocked you from so much fug this night. you’re welcome. we invented you. haha. ok fine i am too hard on brock. beautiful people have it too easy i think so this is partly why i rib him maybe, or it’s too easy. i just remembered a funny thing, as i was leaving with my colleague brock went puppy dog face and said HEY i want one of those. yes, of course you do.

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even from afar the shit talkin’ don’t stop.

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am told that inevitably i will go in to PR. we’ll see. actually yeah i was thinking the other day i would totally be a stage mom, i know exactly what to do already to stand apart from everybody else, if i make a baby that is better looking than me and keep it better looking then i can be lindsay lohan’s mom and WORLD DOMINATE until it picks up a drinking drug addiction and then send it to rehab on neptune. though why wait until making my own baby, i can just take your little piece of sunshine and turn her into a monster right meow. you know my email if you need consulting or guidance. talk is cheap, my results are guaranteed.

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tweet tweet.

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here i am figuring out how to get that bag.

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my night began here though.

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here i am showing my class (upper middle stfu!)(and age) by exclaiming my amazement at seeing the year 1972 on a bottle of wine. oh just let me have a taste come on. you know everyone wants to specifically hear what i have to say about the taste of wine someone saved for over forty years (holy willpower) and not a sommelier, they already fucking know everything yawwwn. anyway, because i watched dirty rotten scoundrels during my formative years a billion times i know that people with real money buy wine they don’t drink, and donate gardens for hospital courtyards and um, wear a lot of white, so, i shut my trap for the most part at this wino auction party. i let the loudest coloured blazer (from my aunt thanks!) do the talking for me.

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fine i ‘ll even settle on a a fresh bottle from 1982, that’s good enough for my tastes. for now anyway.

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the red they were serving (trius i think) was surprisingly delicious. the white, not so much.

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the auctioneer host began with an irrelevant joke i can’t remember now but only half were listening. i laughed because i was buzzed. i liked when the next dude snapped at everyone drunk blathering too loudly by the bar and i was standing all pink separating the talkers from the bidders so i stood stark still and quiet while he tried to shut them up but they couldn’t hear him over their loud talking and no one jumped in to pass the lecture shush along, i was too scared, so i stood there in my elle woods blazer trying to become invisible. public take downs stain my cheeks fuschia. i had already just blocked the view of several fat cats as well and was sternly told to move so, no more trouble outta me.

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my pals from cheese boutique had truffle infused burrata on site, i died. also my retest would be the following morning. wuhoh. must steer clear of this area.

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that jacket is pretty tiny and i felt bloated so i think i’ll have to bring it out again with a different bottom. we’ll see.

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i floated over to these five bottles, my friends, i’ve had you before. lets bid!

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women were staring at me (which i interpreted wildly in numerous ways as usual) and it was freaking me out so i made fat smile faces a lot. i need to mellow out.

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this is where i tried to be invisible. i cannot tune out anger or stress, like, at all. what a difference in the two functions i went to hey. i’d never been in crush before, i know a chick who works in the kitchen, they’re connected to all the usual suspect industry type restos i (have)(and do) giv’er at so it was nice to slink in there in-hot pink blazer-cognito.

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this guy pushed so much f–ing chocolate on me. coffee bean chocolate, cranberry, just straight milk chocolate. he was great. from stratford. i told him i’ve been there many times before, and to st. mary’s lots too. he was intrigued, i had intrigued the independent chocolatier and speaking of independent, i will be the brand spokesperson big wig independent business pusher for a new virtual marketplace soon so all that pr-baloney business speak i was mentioning up above is actually semi-starting, not exactly in terms of pr though, but business. i’m going donald trump and less donald tramp like i said before. baby’s branching out.

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well, at least i will look hot pregnant. girls it is impossible to suck it in when you’re wearing a spandex tube, you cannot feel anything. so always wear pants if you can. however, the fact that i am wearing that dress means i am in skinny zone cos it’s tiny, was britt’s and that pink blazer is wicked petite too so i’m a giraffe trying to stuff myself into thumbelina’s wardrobe.

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but the night wasn’t finished yet. had to drop in to the gladstone to love up a prospective client to-be. was right gunned by that point so i think raymi rubbed her the right way.

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and she had more food for me to eat. i sped-talked the table to outrun my eating and luckily they finished them before i could have a chance thank god. no, the cosmos. things may be gettin’ a l’il hippie ’round these parts puh-retty soon.

today’s agenda, get everything needed for brother’s birthday tomorrow. go for convertible ride with Duncs. eat on a patio in the sun. go for convertible ride with Duncs. cave and have teacher over. might go see a fleetwood mac coverband tonight so anyone wanting to give’r tonight you know what to do.

BURNOUTINGTON IS OUTINGTON!

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