my two sense ]sic]
Raymi I have been following you for a few years now, and I must say I can really feel the melancholy you are feeling in your posts. I am sure you made the right decision with Fil but I am not sure what your life has become now is the right direction either. It is like everyone of your posts is about drinking, getting wasted, and hanging out at bars. I realize you work at one, but I think maybe that is one of the problems! You are obviously very intelligent, insightful, and many other positive things and I think you really need to channel your energies in something else. You are forcing all your smiles, and fooling around, and really would rather be somewheres else. Please try to take your tremendous talents and put them to better use! I would love to see that as I am sure many of your followers would. Only because I care so much, even though I do not know you. Gma Liz.
this is super irritating. do i write to people and tell them how i would like them to live their lives? writing is cathartic don’t read into it so much and literally. my life is more than my blog, i censor it and keep a lot private so don’t worry and don’t get on my case for being emo holy shit, this is why i dont blog my feelings cos then 500 self-proclaimed therapists come a-knocking. im in my twenties and i live in a city. everyone drinks. everyone is sad. everyone goes out at nite. i choose to glamourize the bar scene because to me its dark side is appealing and beautiful. this is my kerouac flaw. if you want me to go back to being a housewife blogging about food all the time im sorry but that shit is over. i find your email to be selfish. i understand the concern but really, way to piss me off.
and it’s CENTS.
i love to be self-indulgent while alone and blast out infinite sadnesses. it doesn’t mean i am a cutter and it doesn’t mean i want to die. get over it i am not going to climb a mountain of success just to make YOU feel better. i’m fine under-achieving for now and being around people again, whether in bars or crack dens, i spent the last four months isolated in a stressful shitty private/public rebound relationship so who the fuck are you to tell me what to do next or which direction to go? you know which direction YOU can go? the fuck off my blog and stop emailing me, we aren’t friends. learn some boundaries.
people have delved into my life e-fucking-nough, fil’s also. we aren’t your little sims you can control or have some sort of influence on so get over yourself asshole.
WOW, did not expect such an angry response! I assure you that was not my intention! I apologize, I will remember to remember that you only put certain things out there and not to read so much into it. I certainly was not trying to be a therapist, I just want you to be happy. I apologize again…
thats ok. you maybe should have thought this through more before emailing it. i blogged it anyway to make an example of you cos i get this kind of shit all the time, dont take it personally. i certainly dont.
here is another example of, i don’t know what. many people i guess really want fil and i to be together again, our relationship gave you hope maybe?
nk: Where do you bartend?
me: The central
By the victory
nk: Cool beans.
Is it jazz-dominant in terms of music?
I remember it used to be.
PS – You are looking very good these days. You look happy, too.
Nice to see you buzzing around the city, out of the ‘burbs.
me: Oh thanks
nk: Had to take a bit of a break from reading you. I got emo after reading about your split.
But whatever. Just wanted to tell you you look cute.
me: Woah really
Emo over missing fil
We r friends again
nk: Emo over I don’t know.
But glad you’re friends.
me: Weird all the emotional reactions over us
So much projection
nk: I’ll be honest. I wasn’t that emotional. But the break was probably a good thing. Are you still in the annex?
nk: OK. Goodnight. Will drop by someday.
: )
xo
me: Sorry out when I shouldn’t be
i think it’s just painful to watch me right now in my alleged butterfly stage. naturally, fil was a mess after we split and i carried along seemingly fine, still showing a brave front cos i felt obligated to for this stupid mental illness blog. but now that i am coming undone and brave enough to show it, people can’t handle it. he was showing and sharing all of his pain while i kept mum as much as possible until i broke silence, then the globe article came out, then many other articles came out.
so basically, i cannot win here. ever. damned if i do, damned if i don’t. simply just damned. i get judged for any and every fucking thing i say, do, or wear, right down to my fingernails. i’m not saying it’s awful i’m just saying, holy shit, you guys are relentless.
Well thanks for putting my apology up there too! You really did blast me. And ofcourse it is cents not sense, I know better than that….guess I really was not thinking!
As I have three grown children of my own perhaps I was seeing it from my past experiences with them, two suffer from depression and one of them is still searching for his way in life. Again, I only want good things for you and meant well…
i think im doing pretty good with where i am presently and i am learning more and more about myself every day. you cannot learn under stagnant circumstances. i get enough unsolicited advice from my mother. i dont need it from strangers now too.
thanks, but no thanks.
UPDATE: ok sorry i am less angry now but fully embarrassed. don’t write to me when i am premenstrual, which is always. so basically, just don’t write to me haha.
i would just ignore emails like that or any emails that irritated me. Hello delete, here’s a new friend for you…
seems like people either read your blog to form an opinion of you, or to try and use you to form an opinion of themselves.
i dont get what makes people feel like they can speak on someone elses life, but from what ive seen and read, and coming from an alcoholic, you dont seem like one to me.
as for that persons children suffering from depression, i probably would too if i were constantly judged and scrutinized for stuff i did. Kinda glad i was born to stoner parents, they were way more lax with everything.
“i cannot win here. ever. damned if i do, damned if i don’t.”–that’s riiiight babycakes, but you look fabulous! the fact that you inspire people to write you irritatingly intimate e-mails is worth something, yes?
some people LIKE MOTHERS just do not fucking get that the best help, is no help. silence is the best advice. if i wanted help i would ask for it. but now i am hyperly pissed off. GREAT. people feel entitled to their opinions because they feel like they are a part of my life because they read my blog. i’m not saying i only want good feedback here. i’m simply being like, please just shut up once in awhile, if you think i’m such a mess right now why are you coming off all insensitive about it if you REALLY cared, why add to my stress pile?
Telling someone else how to live their life without being asked for advice to begin with is like masturbation to some people. And why is everyone screaming ACHIEVE ACHIEVE ACHIEVE when sometimes, all we want to do is chill for 5 minutes?
I’m happy to see you doing what you’re doing. Stay awesome.
To be fair to your emailers, your blog is pretty open and forthright, and almost feels conversational at times. It makes people want to get involved, and maybe they cross boundaries sometimes. They give a shit, though, and that’s important, I think.
oh fully i recognize this and is largely why i reply to pretty much every single email i get.
I live in a world without boundaries.
i went back to highlight my favourite parts of this post and there were too many. i loveloveloveit.
I know exactly what you mean about people only hearing one side of the story to a break up. And even at that it wasn’t the full truth of the situation. Then these people form opinions based on nothing and judge you. Whatever happened to making an informed decision before you write someone off just because they broke up with your friend/brother/son? As much as people claim to have open minds, they are quick to judge and sentence you to what they consider a shameful existence. I say, fuck them and their high horse. Thank you Lauren for your insight. Us girls need to stick together.
a lot of people took our breakup personally. an entire group of friends dropped me entirely for it. one person said they were mad at me. like, thank you for being angry over something THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
fuck that.
i was out to lunch today with my family and this babe walked in and the room collectively stopped for a moment. really bodacious body on the bigger side, wearing a tight turtleneck and a short skirt and patterned tights, heels, dark bob, HUGE tits. looked sexy and together and confident. and my mom and grandma and cousins and sisters, all females, immediately started judging her. it was such bullshit. just because she had the nerve to stand out and be proud of how she looks, her style. and of course they’re a bunch of cowardly frumps. i was just like she looks amazing and aimed my knife eyes at them instead. made me think of you and equated this wispery lame shit-talking to the crap you get, everyone who dares to try gets.
AND HEY ALL YOU FRUMPY LAZY HATE-FILLED LOOSERS, WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU, NO ONE DOES.
i’ve read you for years and never commented. you’re awesome and i adore your blog.
too true. thank you v much for this one.
I just don’t get it. Bereft of activity comes to mind?
Not to add to the douche-pile you have, but stop blaming anger on pms. When do guys apologize for being angry? Maybe this one person didn’t deserve all of the pent-up annoyance from all of the similar emails you’ve been getting, but you have every right to be angry and express it. It doesn’t need to be excused by your period.
/telling you how to live your life.
(clearly I missed the point of this post ha)
chronic apologizing/excuse-making is my weakness.
people get to be retarded after they find out that you broke up with someone. i’ve tried to be hush-hush about my recent split with my girlfriend, but somehow it got out and now i feel like everybody’s holding me by the edges like i’m fragile or some shit, which is dumb and sort of insulting.
my situation was pretty similar to yours from what you described in your previous posts about it, i initiated the breakup, etc., but that doesn’t stop the flood of fucking armchair shrinks from throwing platitudes left and right like they’re trying to desperately talk you off the ledge. guess what i’m getting at is that you’re not alone, and you’ve got every right to be pissed off about this. don’t apologize to pests.
You look like you really enjoy yourself and that makes me smile. To my friends I’m the adventurer who obsesses about booze, music, movies, and new kicks(By the way I’m digging those blue and white Adidas you got)so they wait to hear my stories and nightly experiences. But I don’t really get to hear much from them. It’s nice to have a small window into the life of someone who does fresh shit. Even if it’s taking a million pictures of shoes. Rock on Raymi
also people keep forgetting i previously mentioned that i have never been happier. i’m doing exactly what i want to be doing for once. they wait to hear the next tale and the next and the next and then they try to control your next move. annoying.
methinks thine spirit requires more resin …
Good for you Raymi. I like to read this blog because you are human…. Sometimes you are crazy… sometimes boring.. who cares if I don’t like it or am “concerned” I’ll stop coming… I don’t even mind your period… part of the package…. and you don’t seem that sad to me!
I don’t get why people send those types of emails. It reminds me of something I might be inclined to do at the tailend of a manic episode when I’m all sketched out and paranoid and convince myself that I know things that I sure as hell don’t.
Blogging is a strange thing. Everyone has their own lines drawn up for what to keep out of it but saying things that others wouldn’t have the guts to makes them think they know the whole picture. Crazies flock to that kind of thing, even the so-called well-intentioned ones.
gaaaahhhh that vid is amazing!!