and now i will talk about matt brosz7kowski

so a couple weeks back the same nite we went to see a movie in dundas square after that we head over to the fox ‘n fiddle cos it’s karaoke tuesday there. we aren’t pissed but we aren’t sober either. we sit down, sass and i put our names in to sing (i choose fleetwood mac’s hypnotized, dumb move, bail on it after 30 seconds then swap it for zeppelin’s babe i’m gonna leave you, even worse move, i haven’t even been able to bring myself to watch the video yet) and each order 1 beer. so while i’m singing, matt and fil are outside smoking (matt is) and sass is filming my shit show, i finish then start filming sass’s performance of genie in a bottle and then fil comes up to me to say he is leaving and matt has been cut-off. what cut-off why? he wasn’t even drunk. this has happened to him many times before, he just has an I AM SO DRUNK face i guess, that, combined with cursing like a sailor when he tells his matt stories gives the impression of whole-hog intoxication. so anyway i’m miffed cos we’ve been gracing that s-hole for three years now, it’s way below par on the raymi coolness meter, and that’s saying a lot cos i will drink fucking anywhere. so i go to our table and we divy up the bill which made me realise ok maybe we are ripped cos it was like trying to do grade ten advanced algebra and the reason i took business math come grade eleven. anyway we take our time finishing our beers to save face while also trying to figure out why the fuck the bouncer cut matt off and i’m getting fired up about it and decided well if they diss my friend then they diss me and i am never coming back here that’s final. on our way out we have a little chat with the bouncer who seemed to regret the decision when me miss bigmouth ambles on over, i lie and say we aren’t drunk and am extra careful with my words and trying super hard not to slur (on a scale of 1-10 of blasted i’m a 5 bordering on 6, not really so bad, but lubricated enough to talk like your uncle tom on boxing day, slow and stupid and deliberate) i say um we only had one drink why are you cutting off my friend we just arrived? he says he made a decision and he’s sticking with it and he knows we go there all the time (not really, more us than matt, and that’s only occasionally and after a nite of being beyond wasted we stagger to the fox to sing karaoke) i said well it was a bad one cos i’m never coming back there and he says he’s sorry and i say basically you dissed us (oh god what an idiot line) he says no he didn’t and gestures at matt like i dissed this guy not you i say yeah by association you did and that’s insulting (fight the power!) after how many times i’ve come to this bar (i think i said this with disdain) thanks sorry man bye. then we are outside and i’m feeling like i really took one for the team and only then does matt decide to fill me in on the last time he was there and how he was gong show drunk and couldn’t even see or walk so maybe it was because of that. um that’s kinda crucial information buddy. anyway, another bar off the annex drinking list, where is next?

i would also like to add that never in my life have i been cut off at a bar, i have been swinging from chandalier style trashed performing floor gymnastics and the like and not once have i been tapped on the shoulder.