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i’m fine

my dad is in hospital

things have been intense

it’s not a nightmare as much anymore
he’s getting a teeny bit better

still

i can’t

anyway

blogging has never felt so trivial

i am asleep on my feet i have lost a ton of weight
everything i eat goes right through me immediately

i go for a break have a drink go back to visit and sobers me right up

life is precious
if i have learned anything from this

life is fucking precious

my eyes have been bloodshot since wednesday

everytime i hear a beatles song i bust up
neil young

everytime i think i explode

i’m trying not to be fatalistic in my head

there is only so much pacing you can do
pace off a cliff

not entirely out of the woods yet
it’s critical then it’s stable

i don’t know what to say or do or think i do not have the adequate foundation to deal with stress or hospital stuff
other than crying and shitting

the heart and mind can never be prepared for what the eye delivers

come to think of it i could probably pace forever

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