if i don’t get one of these i will rip out all of my hair and then eat it.
i am cooking us steaks and onions and mushrooms and peppers no garlic this time. i just rubbed the corner of my eye with my onion finger and picked my nose too so my eye and nose are burning onion sting now i win! i got the mushrooms on discount 99 cents yo! i got us some wine too. notice how the first few sips of wine or beer or whatever booze kind of uh, moistens things uh, down there? no, just me? ok fine. so it’s not just a clever term _wine slut_ then, coincidence or something else entirely?
HOW TO BE THE NEXT RAYMI THE MINX
1. start out young, hang out with drug addicts, drink a lot and say stupid shit when you are fucked up and take some photos and then write about it in a simple witty way that makes at least YOU laugh
2. starve yourself ,whatever i don’t know – do something that makes you feel confident about your appearance. buy lots of clothes
3. Write a lot, constantly write and create and when you are not writing make up ideas in your head about what you will write next, observational humor. test it out on people around you like HEY MAN WHAT IS THAT YOU’RE HOLDING A YAM!? see, funny.
4. grow your hair long, if a girl
5. take fotos from up above your head, decide which side of your face is the strongest, pictures the next day of you with fucked up hair and make-up are nice to look at
6. rip the shit out of everyone especially people who deserve it ie. people who think they are models, crazies, nerds, ugly people, fat ugly people if they try and outcool you, people who correct your grammar, people older than you, people younger than you – pretty much everyone who isn’t you
7. write about your pet as if they posess human qualities and then type in caps saying AND THEN HE CHEWED ON A PLASTIC BAG FOR TEN MINUES STRAIGHT SO I POURED WATER IN HIS LITTER BOX i dunno
8. make friends with guys who run sites that get mad traffic and get them to link you and you link them, hype yourself up and don’t waste your time focusing on people who say negative shit or reject you, move on to the next person – the only person you can rely on to get you popular and famous is you so constantly network and tell people you meet/know in real life about your blog and then they spread the word, be funny and nice and arrogant
9. have comments, moderate them if necessary, talk to people if you desire
10. don’t be scared of putting yourself out there, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it
11. change the appearance of your blog once in awhile, make it easy to read and user-friendly, don’t make it so people have to click and click to read the rest of your post, if it’s not all there, chances are people aren’t going to see it – what are you a newspaper website? no, you are a person.
12. post at least 3 times daily.
13. write about mistakes you’ve made, embarassing moments, your significant other, old jobs you’ve had. post many pictures too
14. learn your camera well, do close-ups of obscure things, beautiful things, ugly things
15. get angry
ok i’m finally getting around to this cos i love myself that much!
Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up.
Will I get far in life?
MoonChild – Chris Cornell
How do my friends see me?
Five Years – Seu Jorge
Where will I get married?
Brownie Hawkeye – Jason Collett
What is my best friend’s theme song?
Highway ’61 revisited – PJ Harvey
What is the story of my life?
Mother – Blonde Redhead
What was high school like?
Chanay – M+S
How can I get ahead in life?
Lady in the Lake – Elysian Fields
What is the best thing about me?
Love on the rocks – Jonathan Davis
How is today going to be?
Anthems for a Seventeen year old girl – BSS
What is in store for this weekend?
Bang – YYYs
What song describes my parents?
Bukowski – Modest Mouse
ball & biscuit – White Stripes
How is my life going?
tits on the radio – scissor sisters
What song will they play at my funeral?
Dark Water & Stars – Natural Calamity (couldn’t be more perfect)
How does the world see me?
Boring Postcard -The Clientele
Will I have a happy life?
In the Round – The Cardigans
What do my friends really think of me?
Mellow Song – Blur
Do people secretly lust after me?
Black History Month -DFA
How can I make myself happy?
Microphone Fiend – Rage against the machine
What should I do with my life?
So Jealous – Tegan & Sara
Will I ever have children?
Get Together – Madonna
What is some good advice?
How to be Dead – Snow Patrol
What is my signature dancing song?
Date with the Night – YYYs
What do I think my current theme song is?
Stockholm Syndrome – Muse
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Shadrach – Beastie Boys
What type of men/women do you like?
I AM DANCELOR
we rented king kong and fil couldn’t handle watching the last 15 minutes so he peaced out and i was all YOU HAD TO SIT THROUGH HOURS OF BORING AND NOW YOU ARE LEAVING AT THE BEST PART!?! i mean it was sad and maybe a little bit erotic in a beastiality sort of way but i didn’t even cry and normally i’d be bawling. i think it’s being sober that does it and also when fil is sober he is unable to mask his emotions.
i am still eating one meal a day. i am able to do this cos i drink a double espresso and then i spaz out around the condo do laundry and sew and think about going outside. ps. it is possible to work from home people and survive that way and not have a 9-5 it’s called BEING A FAMOUS BLOGGER.
sorry for yelling i just felt like clarifying, many a woman reading this feel like fil is my sugar daddy in some shape or form which is not the case, he does not pay for my anything, we take turns, he does not give me a credit card or walking around money. the end.