i’ve fukkin’ had it with Hardware. i’m nothing but a bitch. “Cut this key” bitch. “Go get some Ice Melt” bitch. “Your hair is too weird for our store” bitch. “Go help that old guy with plumbing” bitch. “Go get me a coffee cuz you’re an hour late” bitch.

Today i was treated like a slave. move this. move that. go over there. come back. go over there. don’t ask too many questions…just do it.


hmmmph. the customer is not always rite, yuh’know. the customer, in fact, is irrational, demanding and a ffukin’ twat when it comes to hardware. i swear. one time this guy wanted me to cut him 30 copies of the same key. so i do it, rite.

Buddy comes back ten minutes later cuz none of the keys work and he is going AWOL on me. ffuker, i’ve been working here for two years, i am not retarded. then he’s all, “Well, this key you copied from doesn’t really work but i thought since you run it thru machine it fix itself. yah?”

jesus. ok. deep breath. “Look buddy, you just made me make 30 friggin’ copies of a key that DOESN’t work! You wonder WHY these keys don’t work!?!?”

I only sorta lost it on him. i went out for a walk around the block and had a smoke.

“Customer is always rite?” My ffukin’ ass!

one day my friend and i decided to be maLLrats simply becuz we were awake on a monday about 3 in the afternoon and what else is there to do? There’s a new section added to Square One (the mall) and iNnit are all these futuristic-like stores and kiosks and the architecture is very, “you’re stuck in suburbia but it’s ok because you are walking thru a galaxy of coolness.” So this one store we are seduced into is ‘e x p l O r u s’ and it gave me this weird feeling that i just couldn’t describe without sounding like a retard. First of all, the patrons there wear these long blue surgical jackets, they are all women who stand with their arms crossed and with frowns on their faces. Everything is flush, the knick-knacks on shelves and the displays are completely clutter-free. I felt all panicky trying to look at e v e r y t h i n g. There was just too much to look at. Sorta like the contents of some dot com store or “We have it all” “This is where you buy your presents.” I love and hate e x p l O r u s. The name is a contradiction in itself BEcuz the patrons follow you around and after you touch something they like, wipe it off and put it back the “right way” There is no room for exploring.

also, everything in this store, e v e r y t h i n g is the perfect gift for someone or something you would want. It makes me mental! There is a little table in the back with little chairs and a bucket of crayons for people to write but NO PAPER! so of course there are tags and graffiti all over the table. My friend and i squished ourselves into the seats and pulled out our own paper and colored for a few minutes. When we got up a patron came over and tucked in our chairs! gawdDammit. This really ticked me off so i went over and pulled my chair out agen. I made sure she didn’t see me do this becuz i was sorta frightened she would yell at me. that is so weird. i was just happy with the thought of her finding the chair later on un-tucked and then she would be all pissed-off and huffy and she would have to tuck it back in.

we made sure to put all these dolls into kama sutra positions for kix before we left. it was the rite thing to do. I took a Foto of e x p l O r u s before we left and felt like i mite be arrested for it. i don’t think i will be going back.

here is a snap of my neice hailey. she is so co-operative when i take her picture. she lets me mess up her hair all crazy and i say smile and make sweet eyes and then she does it. it is hard to get mad at her when she is bad. she gets super-hyper and is addicted to lipgloss and sez, “Where’s my pretty?” which means “Please go find me my chapstick so i can smear it all over my face before i start screaming. thank you.”

just went to pizza pizza with my buddy ward. we are both completely broke and had to comb the carpet for nickels. we are so sad and pathetically hungry. the guy at the pizza shoppe was all sleazy and i was a complete bitch saying it is like 11 pm and what else does he have to do besides go back there and make me a friggin’ pizza regardless of me paying for it in pennies and quarters and loonies i’m hungry now gawdDammit! and so i go out to the car to clean out the ashtray of dimes and he’s all like, “Is that yore gurLfrend?” to my bud and ward’s like, “uhhm no.” and the sleaze pizzaGuy is like, “Oooooh sometimes yes, sometimes no.” what a fukkin’ dullard. anyhow we got him to put on all the toppings i wanted becuz i am the best at manipulating storeclerks into bending the rules with my overt charm anD goodLooks. bwahahah. nahh. it’s cuz i get scarey when i am hungry and it is after eleven o’clock on a tuesday nite and i want pizza and i have managed to put together ten dollars.
dammit. what will i eat tomorrow?

here i am in all cartooNglory. that’s it. i’ve decided i am growing back my hair AsaP so i kan get it all scruffy and bedHead-like all over ageN. i am tired of looking like a boy.

i am still in my pajamas
and i have not brushed my teeth
and my hair is messy
and i am wearing one bunny slipper
and one scotty dog slipper
and plaid pants
and a dirty old t-shirt that sez, “La fermina & COMPANY Modelling agency” on it and this gay fake-vintage adidas jacket and i am obviously bored becuz i am saying these things.

it was so hard trying to explain to him that ireally need to watch this movie
and no i can’t watch something else and then he’s like, well, why not watch it downstairs on that vcr and i tried to explain to him that i had alreddy made up my mind that i was to watch it in the livingroom on the couch
and then he asks me if i am baked and i say no but i am smiling like a goon and then he understands and goes and gets the other copy.
but my mum ,geez, she’s like, NO, i wanna watch meet the parents, dazed and confused is only about stoners and drugsssss and ughhh, then she goes upstairs and reads the paper or something.

i just realized it was monday
i have march break becuz i am a skoolgirl
and i spent all weekend stoned
and it was a mission trying to explain to my dad
why the vcr was not working
and i was all baked
and i really wanted to watch my moovie
and i thawt it was the film that was fucked
so i convinced him to go to movie shoppe and
get the other copy
of dazed ‘n confused
and then brought it back
and we plopped it in
mind u i was really baked
and he had started in on the blue himself
and that copy was all fuzzy too
so we figger out that it is the vcr
so he pops in this magik tape that cleans out
the vcr
and it works
then i make noodles
and smear lip balm all over my face
and watch dazed and confused
“Please do hold all my telefone calls i am busy.”