Tag Archives: the old mill

Bender to bender like an Esquire Fender

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I feel like writing another saucy Minx guide. What present day issue do my fellow Little Raymis want some tough love advice wisdoms on? Fashion, Dating, Minxing. I shall put on my thinking cap.

Lois, that’s good Little Raymi work, nice pose! Gangster confidence hipster girl art party stance. You kind of look like a ninja too, extra credit.

Medieval door knockers and candlestick lanterns by every door. I love the whimsy. If I could live in fantasy world (duh I think everyone would like to) forever I would. Disney, Peter Jackson, whatever.

As usual, there is always a crowd of various size gathered around the shit show, which is why I’m grinning like so. (there may be some repeats, consider what you previously saw already sneak peek generosities).

Lois is all, I am OUT of here. Why does Tracey think she is on the home shopping network all the time?? Can someone hire her please? (no seriously she is crafty).

Nice robe but you immediately turned into Mom hag from sexy cougar when we got back, just saying. Then Lois repeated it too aww. There is nothing like royal blue.

I am a hot mess.

We got busted by some staff, giving us our check out papers at 4 in the morning and Lois played it all casual. I was at least wearing normal clothes and my jacket. Pretty sure they enjoyed watching us on surveillance.

Waving Sayonara to them bitches.

I want to go see Beauty and the Beast again. I guess I can settle for Medieval Times.

More salad less carbs next time please.

I didn’t want to jump in too quickly and make the camera fall over the bridge into the moat and two seconds wasn’t enough, the ten seconds shot looked like crap.

I love Christmas. And that is what I call it and that is how I will wish it.

Mom got a lighter, better pic.

Sleeping Beauty, first morning.

HOT!

HOT MESS HOT!

MUNICH HOT!

Teacher got them both bday gifts. Classy move, dude. Cowabunga! (he hates when I call him dude so I made up a burn for him to get me with when I say it).

But will she keep it?

Princesses and the pea. I have to switch to silk pillowcases for my hair to protect from breakage :(, legit princess now.

I want to go to Belgium.

It didn’t feel like Etobicoke.

I have my mom’s underwear I bought her on my head. Matches that leopard baby doll, I have matching bikini versions of the same print.

Looks good on me but I have too many things and I never wear it.

Let the elder gals be young at heart forevs I say and am a total enabler for that.

Gave my mom one of my Stevie Nicks-type cape dresses, a size 2. It’s massive. I have one like it already.

o_O

A true Cougar. The clerk here tried to stop us taking pics, which I know is not allowed but the way she did it was NOT cool. So I asked, and why does it reflect “poorly on the store” exactly? She could not clarify. Fear flickered in her eyes when she read my tone and I saw her thoughts, “Who did I just piss off?” Icily, I said, “Mom, lets go.” and mom gave me a look like ooh I missed out on a good one. Tracey loves drama. I do not let people get away with snotty retail posturing, nuh uh, not looking for a fight but if you fling out a catty waft I will throw it back at you to let you know I am paying attention. When is Larry David going to invite me over for tennis?

I am going to create the most gorgeously insane Christmas tree ever this year. Dad, are my decorations at your place?

Mom said I looked like the witch that Dorothy’s house landed on, felt like that, that bender hit me like a ton of bricks. Lying in bed anticipating check out is a restless sleep cos my stuff is all over the hotel room. Turns out check-out wasn’t til 12. THANKS LOIS. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE YOU!!)

Speak of the Angel, breakfast was included so she went and raided it for us the lovely little hoarder and we sat around recounting the crimes of last night in our beautiful hangover bunker mistresses of the universe sitting room. It was nice to know that I was not so far from home and could sloth around the place til my Teacher Nurse got home TGIF. What a fun week.

If you see me doing this stance it means your ass is about to be kicked.

Next time, Vegas.

Suicide Shoppers. Two peas in a pod.

I want to go to the English countryside. I have family who always bug me to come visit. Dad lets do it!

By the time we checked-out I was a pro at maneuvering the luggage cart.

We don’t miss a thing.

Neat. Having a wedding here would be a party indeed.

We had our own “the Keg” going on haha.

What is this Ab Fab? Lois, your hair is killing me. Also can you give me that bitch cougar from your group’s FB so I can send her a psychotic message about comparing me to Deirdre from Cornation Street from two or three Halloweens ago. What a sly slag eh? Some of the people in my mom and Lois’ crew are lethal and mean, desperate.

They were all fighting over this dude, well, guess who won? Meow.

Yum.

Yup.

When everyday is kind of New Year’s Eve-ish, NYE has a lot to live up to.

This was about 4 in the morning. I pushed my mom around lightning fast and she pissed her pants. It was very exhilarating for her. This is typical Kerouac behaviour. Live a little or a lot.

Welcome to Raymiality. It’s a preferred state of being, existing on a higher plane of consciousness. Kind of like this.

Recognize the chick next to Lois?

HA ha on our way to check out, I’m a little rough.

Gorgeous.

She has big jugs so the L might not work, didn’t come in XL. Mom just try it, you look smaller when you wear smaller and THEN you GET smaller too because you become more body-size conscious. Skinny Raymi Tip.

Love it.

Ok so we all know I’m a thrill seeker and turbo fitness adrenaline junky? Guess how fast I must’ve been clocking if Tracey pissed herself. From one end of the floor to the other.

I love this shirt and I love how Lois first read it aloud (she’s an ex teacher) in her spectacles and phonetically sounding out ho ho homeboy lol. Some of my potty mouth has rubbed off on Lois, ahaha and she has chosen some choice phrases as her top three favs, care to guess? Of all the offensive and crude funny Raymisims on tap…

Three words on these delicious hot peppers: Ring Of Fire. I say no more. OOh lets listen to some Johnny Cash now.

Technical phone picture taking difficulties.

Sending off Lois’ cousin Paula out front we could see her bobbing around the room and spied for awhile. It was a full moon, almost, and it felt appropriate. Is that our room though? Must be I think we would be the only ones up at 4 in the morning doing this right now. Good point.

Good score those heels yes we’re all very excited.

This was actually scary a little, and my waitress was like are you ok??? Some geezer before had had a seizure from the surprise attack sparklers HA but I was just taking the piss, she believed me, once bitten twice shy, ‘n that.

Okay holy shit Martha Stewart give it a rest.

Linen service stresses me out but I like to treat fine dining like a burger joint, nothing in life is too posh for me or you, it just stresses me out a little cos it reminds me of like 500 fancy dinners from child/teenagehood past which is like, when you introduce two ADD snarky hell-raising kids to fine dining it’s unavoidable that “something” is gonna go down. It’s like dumping gasoline on a fire or when principal Skinner bends over to tie his shoe for forever in front of Bart, a recovering alcoholic moving into an apartment across from a liquor store and so on. Walking in to the Old Squire Inn, my brother and I look at each other with “are you kidding me?” looks on our faces lol countdown to Dad hissing, cut it out under his breath with psycho eyes at us ahahha. Those were the days, miss my grandfolks and the Old Squire is long gone now, some kind of plaza has been built on that land.

Reading our bill and the dude is right there too, he was a good sport. Mom was killing herself stifling embarrassed giggles.

Memories of Miami.

I spy a little sleeping Beauty action.

Mum, someone wanted to know where your witch boots came from.

Tracey is my ultimate SWF.

Ooh Sylvia love those pants, dressed to kill. So mad they bungled up our tables. The place was dripping with men, Lois repeated my statement and then we giggled for a long time over it. I almost caked my mom for throwing an ice cube at my nose (it hurt!) she is a bully and acts out for attention when she gets ripped, I am Snow White and she is the wicked Queen BAhahaha. She said, then it would have been a cake fight if I did. HA.

Aw poor stressed out look on that chick’s face. She was very good and so were we. Glad I wasn’t privy to whatever Tracey was doling out to get us two free bottles of Veuve.

Girls, is my nail polish in one of your junk bags from that end pile of gift bags at the Keg?

Mom can you super zoom in or email me the original?

Shivering like mad here.

I find these dogs to be ugly and I have disdain for fluffy hair on dogs, it’s a “thing” for me I also hate tiny dogs with fluffy hair they’re so fruity, sorry, also I heard that poodles have anger issues too and they’re always shifty and freaky, see this is why I have a thing. It’s a status dog too, an ugly puffy aggressive like a swan freak. Doesn’t it look like a demon from Hell?

We could only push it from one way, lots of U-turns and yelling in the hall and giggling.

Another one for the books. 4 Birthdays, the Knight’s table, Society chicks who take no prisoners.

Georgia and I walked together to the bathroom, the entire gauntlet of the Keg and her in that Cameron Diaz from the Mask Dress and my figure skater unitard and catwalk heels, we made a few fan clubs along the way to which Georgia said, oh is that what I heard? A doll!

Cornelia looks like Prescilla Presley and is super chill. Dig her.

I am proud I didn’t have any dessert, I have been a pig lately.

Lois has a signature drink. That is so Punk Rock of you. Did you used to bang Slash or something? WICKED!

Small world, these are the Wine Ladies. I horrified them with tales about how I apparently am too old now, SO OLD LOOKING. Georgia was appalled.

Nice moon.

Have a nice night!

Happy Birthday Lois and have a great time tonight at the Bond Jovi thing LOL.

Yes you deserve to die and i hope you blog in hell

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I belong in the jungle anyway. I am doing infinity tricep extensions today and all weekend.

Holy tense! It was! Teacher popped in to check out the hotel (immediately lost) and we were cutting it close to reservation time (where they pitch your table if you’re not there and follow through with that threat) so it shows on my face a bit.

These are mean ass gold diggin’ heels. Teetering around the keg the irony wasn’t lost on me, holy crap that was scary. I didn’t fall but I am sure I looked like an idiot. We lost the table we were supposed to have in the middle of all the action so we sat in a hidden tucked away room which Tracey the Minx did not appreciate and so got us two comped bottles of Veuve and desserts. Why the crap would we want to sit in the corner at the Keg on corporate man cruising night on a 4 Birthday celebration night, honestly.

I had Creole (where was the creole?) chicken, it was bland and I was worried my scallops were undercooked. My ex bf in Maine got red tide poisoning from scallops (that I thankfully didn’t get, didn’t eat as much as him) and I am forever scarred. Anyway it was a light meal, I didn’t want heavy so it was perfect.

Lois is a dear, she bought me this while I haunted the Old Mill like a lazy scruff, match perfectly with heels. Well done. Mom was uber jealous and thinks we are in a love competition with Lois meanwhile I have seen my mom spoil my niece for 13 years and not said anything (nor care!) my mom is a brat. Middle child issues I think it is. I love this jacket because it reminds me of Allison from ANTM all stars and we are obsessed/adore her cos she has sugar glider eyes.

I would kill to look like her. She probably got that from H&M which means she ghett-ayo like me. Oh Allison we have so much in common.

This already feels so long ago. This was a nice relaxing afternoon. I dig my solitude, I am pretty monastic.

Those are some ballin’ sashes.

I may as well of just gone out like this considering how short my dress (actually a shirt) was, I wish I got a good photo but the bathroom lighting was so dark, I looked like a figure skater.

I wrote the maid’s name down to ensure she get her tip today.

That little darling woman out there, aw.

Waiting for it to chill, waited it out to 2pm about, then was sozzled immediately ha. I am done with champagne for the next little while.

Not even going to pretend that this is the last photo you’re gonna see of these pets. I am not a shoe person but I am a worshiper of the things I accumulate (hoard?) and this is the Raymi Times, top story, Autumn mission accomplished, fall heels. That I will probably fall in. Knock on wood/count on it ugh.

I rearranged the chill room back in to a party room, put the fold out couch away, we had an after party bender last night and stayed up til 4am oh god this weekend is going to be all about R&R maybe we will hit a spa? But anyway, this was my Home Alone fantasy realized, walking through a weird figure 8 from bathroom to bed(palace)room, to water closet, ahhhh. I did a funny impression of a silver spoon posh brat by the fireplace mantle.

I am listening to Black Keys right now and his whiney voice is hurting my feelings, is a new album out yet?

I entitle thee, garish cougar working from home today. Also last night I spied a reversal cougaring “working late at the office” drinks in the lounge with a female boss and young pup (smokin’ hot) employee of hers and he eyed me like crazy and she dripped all over him for protection of her cub and I made a point to look at him when I left and his eyes flicked up back at me, like, in another life. I was fascinated by the role-reversal cos I see old CEO dudes all the time with their young temps having goblets of wine together and it’s nothing but to see them together like that was, I couldn’t keep my eyes off them. It was kind of primal too. Good for her though.

Alright enough. I’m gonna need more of these pants in diff colours. Then I can go to any pub in libville and get coddled and burped like a baby cos that’s what all the students living off their parents in their shoebox condos do at the brazenhead, maybe your food comes faster when you show up in sweatpants?

The dining dancing hall. Dreamy and Royal-feeling. I love that part in Beauty and the Beast (because I have regressed to grade 3 now) when Belle is walking through her pilgrim thatched roof village, this is reminiscent of that. I love the muppets christmas carol too and will watch it this weekend while I suck my thumb on the couch ahaha.

Geezers everywhere, I imagine it will be bumpin’ here for Thanksgiving. HAhah that happened already. Oh my god I am starving.

Very similar to Casa Loma, sorry we didn’t go Lois. I’ll get us in to an event there soon.

These two birds were amazed by me, excuse me, are you here for the conference, uh no I am staying here, There’s rooms here!? Yup. And I am dressed like this and they were the type that wears clear plastic doo rags in the rain.

Spiral staircase (closed off spooky!) down to hell. Where was the torture dungeon I forgot to ask.

Seriously I would eat my foot right now, my chocolates arrived by mail gonna pick them up tonight and mail a pile of stuff I’ve put off for centuries. We cleared out the breakfast room of all peace and quiet of course.

It was fun watching little asian tourist ladies fix their hair in the window reflection not seeing us in there. My friend asked me why I was dressed like The Situation. God I miss Jersey Shore. God I can’t believe that I would ever say that before. Let that be a lesson that people do have the capacity to change and turn a new leaf of awesome.

The most adorable courtyard. We stood outside in the night under the full moon and took pictures too. It was frigid.

The antlers over there are bad ass.

Wonder what the historical/heritage of this is, Dutch or Swiss looking architecture? I should just make this all up and you wouldn’t even know or care or fact check. I’ll hit you with a lie if I can think of a good one.

I am a blue blood so tea and table manners are my thang-a-lang which I tried to honour as much as was capable of at time.

I saw one woman take a photo of something out the window and saw that a hotel employee walked in, she went, “it’s so beautiful” apologetically and shy. I chuckled inwardly while waiting for my challah to toast, guy it’s almost 2012 don’t apologize for doing your tourist digital camera thing.

If it weren’t for pictures this blog would suuuuuuuck!

Quite a confusing hotel. Middle Earth now on our way to the Prancing Pony for a pint (it comes in pints!?)(name that Hobbit).

Just anotha hotel under our belt right girls. Some ex-communicated people from the group ran their mouths (as usual) a little bit about ma moms and myself and on top of internet haterade there are jealous spiteful scary jealous crazy people IRL we’ve got to deal with and it’s eery the similarity in cruel things we yield, but anyway, I celebrate my life and my family and friends, animals, I don’t do mean things to people and I would prefer if everybody got along and was nice it disgusts and repulses me when people go down to low levels and whine and do not see the error of their ways and responsibility blabbity blah it was a non-stop gossiping trashing shit show of the century and a wicked good time.

Gave my mom the extra copy of On the Road and she was stoked. These HK jammies are going to Hailey cos I look like a snausage in them. MMMM snausages. I don’t know what that is but I heard it as a joke once and it made me LOL.

Accidental close-ups and learning to camera whore with this slide out phone.

Statement scarf/necklace, good eye Teacher. As I was leaving I said you know how much attention this is going to get me? And he goes Nooo! haha. Our waiter at Mercato said,” My GIRLFRIEND makes bread” to me 5 times chill dude just cos I look like a playmate doesn’t mean I’m going to blow you now. Seriously I am not being conceited here he really was being over-the-top.

The girls are even worse at taking photos with it and think my phone is shit aahha.

So these are candids and failures, pose give-ups. Omg it’s over that’s all I uploaded. BATH ATTACK! TGIF!

*ps. guess what quote (and who said it!?) my blog post title is derived from. You will win: SOMETHING!

if i love it you’ll know

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So far, coffee is winning over cracking that second bottle of sparkling open. (from last night, second, not this morning, maybe if this were Grey Gardens, which it kind of is, ok maybe if this were the Hamptons) However, it took far too long to figure out the coffeemaker instructions, what an adventure that was. I am drinking some now from a weird troll mug.

These are my new best friends, 40% off GUESS heels, and not from a place like Winners LOL the actual store. The older you get they say the more of a label whore you’re supposed to be. Ok, they don’t say that, but they should. The black pair, which I wanted, was an 8.5 and already too-loose seeming.

Mom’s big society pearls.

It feels like Beauty and the Beast. Get your boyfriend to take you here and when he goes to work in the day write on your fairytale blob romantic things about isolation and despair then have a jacuzzi tub.

We’re celebrating a double whammy birthday for these two, and more cougs are touching down tonight and likely will crash on the fold-out in the other room so I will get no sleep tonight I bet. Oh well, life is short, let’s celebrate!

Tried to crank call my mom but couldn’t figure out how to dial out so I crank-called the front desk instead I suppose.

Lois’ Birthday is on Saturday and she is ADD like mom and I and like-minded, live like we are going to die tomorrow, or like we’re running out of time or something. Lois and Tracey went to fat Camp together in Utah at the end of summer. Climbing mountains and other torturous shit and Lois was the Diva of the bunch my mom said. It seems like my mom just posed by gay waterfalls and shit.

Me right now LOLOLLLLL.

I slept with my mom. Ew. Hah. We are the same type of sleeper but apparently I tossed and turned (“like a horse”) all night long. Good, get out of my way next time, hog.

G I R L C R A W L. Some of Erica‘s goodies.

I wish I went shopping with them but I don’t want to spend uselessly, trying to save.

We have a Queen Suite. Had breakfast down in the sun/tea room overlooking the courtyard and then snooped around the hall/dining/dancing room where they were setting up for lunch, so grand and posh. Mom’s aesthetician gets all dressed like royalty and comes here for dances all the time. She is searching for the love of her life. Isn’t that adorable? I took a photo of two lovely old chicks who said, this is a place you read about but never get to see. Ahh bless her sheltered little heart, I’ve seen mad stately shit in my 28 years, where are you from a peanut factory? My my.

I’ve rearranged this set-up a little bit, and thrust every window open with the golden curtain ropes, more Beauty and the Beast bullshit. The tree outside our window swayed violently in the wind last night very spooky like in Poltergeist that scary demon tree foreshadowing doom for this family and then it almost killed him by slamming in through the window? Anyway we loved it a little sense of danger. Mom thinks the Old Mill is haunted, I don’t believe in ghosts but now the hair on the bak of my neck is creeping up ahhhh! I dragged the table a bit closer over to the window but can’t full do it cos of the cords on back of stereo which I may just put all of on floor cos why pass up an opportunity as a writer (in my Howard Hughe’s shut-in element) to work from an elegant and stately desk in front of a window as autumn blustery trees and snarly branches dot the clearing, phenom view and might be time to pop that Brut? Brutiful idea!

I walked on top of that shit! Original Gangsta.

How I wish I had this toothbrush with me right now, I forgot one. I am a child and have packing difficulties, that’s your department! Coffee glug and off to figure out (find) the thermostat. Or I’ll just put the fireplace on. BYE!