Hello people that I know and some that I do not, how was your summer? When is it officially “over” anyway? That’s okay, I don’t even want to talk about it. I am being a total whiner. Some friends of mine lament that they haven’t taken advantage of summer anyway, and I thoroughly have – there isn’t one rock in this whole durn town that I haven’t looked under, you know? I think the vanity side of me is uber terrified I’m gonna get fall plump and winter fat. Actually no. My stay slick contingency plan is to booze less when it’s cold and do more indoor cardio, join a gym and cry on a treadmill instead. Then in ten months it will be warm again. Fucking Canada, right?

I’ll be able to get my book done and work in general instead of running out the door all the bloody time like the bouncy squat dance running asshole I am. Getting a wicked tan though. My forehead is so brown. My face just looks better tanned. When it’s white you can actually see how haggard and french I am. I want to have a perma-tanned glow like wrinkled bags who make beach the epitome of their entire lives, who when you talk to them all you’re thinking is I bet there isn’t one inch on that entire body that has a white patch on it. Then you inspect beneath their eyes and marvel at how they don’t even look aged somehow from all that tanning, yeah sure there’s a tidal wave of folds and crow’s feet maybe but it’s all delicately bundled up in TAN. Sign me up.

Go Karting was amazing this week. This week was spent cramming as much summer insanity into it as possible. We went back again and your hero crashed into a bunch of tires and didn’t even fucking care. Good thing I had a shirt on that said I literally do not care. I choked. Couldn’t even think to hit the brakes and I was going so fast I crashed through two layers of tires and they weren’t even mad at me. I had the faster car and we were fucking with each other on our last lap, ran out of straight road I was so immersed that I didn’t see the curve and I went straight through it. Exhilarating. Maybe watching two Formula One movies in a row influenced me. It happens. Like how my brother and I used to drown each other as different characters from X-Men in the pool at a resort one Thanksgiving weekend, good times.

The first 7 laps of the day (pre-pool) I drove like a lady however, though.

Anyway, if you go to Go-Karts make sure you get car 15. The second time I drove it I could tell it had a long day of being rode dirty it wasn’t as tight and I sure as hell wasn’t any easier on ‘er.

Requisite pantsless selfie. Yawn.

My Peg Bundy look. My buddy says he actually knows her IRL (she’s also a singer) and he said I was prettier. Uh mean! She is a goddess. I checked the hashtag on instagram of peg bundy and all her outfits from Married with Children are completely amazing. Lots of 80’s spandex leotards over tights, belted, and a cigarette always dangling from her face. QUEEN.

Rocked Kelso beach too.

Have sudden desire to watch Top Gun. Tom Cruise is so short they had a body double tall guy take that epicinematic spike, eh? This blog is educational!

When the sun went down all the people cleared out and it was pretty nice.

Lovely.

See how sweaty my forehead is? That’s my forehead working on a tan. I have a slight brown moustache tan too I think I must have swiped a line of hawaiian tropic oil across my upper lip because WTF!!!??? hahaha

Do I look worried though?

Miley Cyrus update: doesn’t care.

Never stop being adorable or spotting and delighting, highlighting, the whimsical. Never change. No matter how much I tell you to. Best piece of never I’ve received lately. The only thing I change is my look. A leopard can’t change their spots… I have a vision of myself in the future for what my “look” goal is and I hope I attain it. People are obsessed right?? Whatever, it gets me through my life. It is armour. I never want to be rejected ever again. That’s when I started running absolutely everyday like a gladiator. Rejection is a thing we cannot control but we can try and along the way other opportunities arrive because when you work on yourself you are a magnet. Your lit fire gives off energies to those like-minded, who know what’s up and as far as I am concerned it is all good.

Dressing like wait staff at the “fancy” restaurant. I mean I have all these corporate shirts they’re not gonna just wear themselves plus I always kind of dress like a lesbot anyway.

If you can’t read my writing it says, “with their fucking lives” and guess what I am talking about?

Hi Oakville, I look like a meatball! Don’t care/explaining anyway (PMS), it’s just the pose.

Couldn’t resist.

Good morning Vietnam

I like that I have rib friends I see each year, they practically come to my doorstep. I did the whole campy raymi the Minx thing while the entire line watched as I held an Uncle Sam’s trophy above my head. I didn’t pay attention but my camera guy did and was blown away all night long by the reaction I garnered at rib fest. Definitely a walking scene, I is.

Visited Amy yesterday and she’s doing well, so good to see her. We worked the Canadian Open together last year on the 18th hole VIP tent for 4 days. SHIT SHOW! Lolollllll. I think we hated each other for awhile afterward ahahha. Amy and I have been friends since I moved to Oakville at 21. That chick is a vault so don’t even try it!

I just ran out of steam.

I was gonna just wear a plaid shirt with sleeves for some boring fucking reason but then I said wait a minute I have this with me too maybe it can work. I instantly became 100% more conceited and it was off to the races.

One whole rack of ribs plus 2 bottles of sauce to go. I doubt my plaid shirt would have been so successful. Thanks Uncle Sam’s BBQ see you today/tomorrow for judging. All of my friends who have gone have been floored by your ribs.

Caught a celtic east coast band too that was awesome. Under my favourite weeping willow tree. People danced. Lots of drinking. The best thing about ribfest compared to sound of music festival is you can walk around with your drinks you don’t have to be jammed in a gated off area like dogs. Give’r!

Love the pool at the lakeview. It was practically empty so felt pretty resort-like.

ILUGuys. Enjoy the Labour daze w/e now ya hear? xo raymbo