Hey pals! Just trying to get back into the groove of blogging (writing about myself tirelessly) again and regain some semblance of a regular schedule here. I mean, I adore bonbons and Netflix a lot but as a capable and intelligent young(ish) woman I’m aspose to just produce MORE and offer up milestones plus all the horseshit that comes along with the “rat race” like the rest of ‘em. Gag me.
The sooner you realize that no one gives an actual shit about what you do, the happier we will all be. I mean, they care about what I am doing lol but I mean in general the collective spinning of wheels in the pursuit to showcase an exciting rapid pace life to fill the endless void of attention-seeking neediness about the things you don’t actually care about in a moment that is wiped away 24 hours later from your instagram stories WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT.
You shun me I shun you back. I do not find you interesting. As the years pass it just gets more laughable to me. I have been more of a spectator rather than participator these days. I mean I am addicted to my social media as much as the next gal, but I enjoy going dark. But do I just say that to make myself feel better? no. I have consistently towed toed a line of caring and extra not caring and just indulging myself with my own interests. Every one knows when you’re fake-excited so just stop.
When I sit down here to write I have a few general talking points floating around to get to from months of accrued thoughts overall — from so much time containing them. No output makes me a lunatic, likely. If you can’t spit it out where is the therapy in that?
I think some people need to do a lot. They need to be needed but mostly need to be SEEN as busy. This summer it hit me that I don’t want any of that. Where people think they’re not doing enough I am over here of the mindset FUCK THAT I want to do as little as possible instead. Doing too much how about doing less. You’re doing too much bro. It was just a funny thought that I had. I also like being a bumpkin going off the grid because Toronto is toxic to me it’s like a cousin you will always be related to and have in your life and I think I am just preparing myself for working my ass off again, biding my time with it. Also there’s those who need to show their time off as a trophy like you’re STILL doing the thing that is wrong for you if you’re gloating about the thing.
I just need to be free and feel unencumbered from absolutely everything we can’t escape who we are we just have to embrace it. Summer makes me feel freedom the most that’s why all the pumpkin spice cunts can literally shut the fuck up I don’t care about your fashion which you only like autumn for so you can cover up your body. Fall is claustrophobic and short, winter is long and even more so stir crazy makings-of so as Canadians WHY are you stupidly celebrating this fucking shit!
I try to live out loud, play, be crazy and free-spirited as hard as I can because typically most of the time I am super majorly depressed. In a sense. The balance is there you just see the fun parts. I know many people like this and in some the youthful spirit doesn’t extinguish, ever, and I should hope not so. One friend of mine says she is the saddest and most fun person and is constantly playing and having fun to compensate. She is also a stand-up comedian and we all know how depressed comics are, so, but yeah we were discussing this together and I said I had a line I was going to drop in my blog about how normally we are very depressed people so this is why we laugh and play to attempt happiness for ourselves. I have this one nasty fucking bitch who has been stalking me for over 15 years online and I noticed a few shots she took at myself and my mother for a week’s vacation this summer like for someone who has been haunting my life for so long you would think they’d get it by now, how I operate and why I operate.
My hair grew ten sizes that day!
Anyway when I write these things I feel great I feel relief then I feel exposed and then I forget half the things I said and then I panic about the things that I did. I blogged two days ago for the first time since May and my traffic exploded. It was very validating but then I was like I bet no one even read it and it was the picture I used on Facebook that made these idiots come in droves. The point is don’t let your mind eat itself like that. Just do your thing and know that it’s appreciated and for the other half hate-watching for sport, hi sweetie!
My body image is doing great right now thanks fam. I mean, I have fully let myself go a little but it’s ok I am okay the world keeps spinning. I used to be so hyper focused on my looks my fat ratio and what with being a blogger and having to show pics of myself looking as lithe as possible from all angles, I just, got over it. Not saying I don’t have issues but in the above photo it’s not the most flattering but I look pretty cute and I’m smiling plus happy so that wins. I still get trolled and I bet I’ll get some nasty ones on this post “who cares about what a fugly old washed up cunt has to say” I can put money down on it, the internet is a vicious place it can be ego-shattering if you let it. Also, you let in all these creepy people too when you open up and expose your life. I try to share as much as I can up to a point. I am guarded and protective of certain areas because its blown up in my face before so fool me a billion times no more.
I love it here. I stuck a jr. mint up my nose in Elora as a teen to make my brother laugh and couldn’t get it back out again thus it melted and burst in my nose and down my nasal passage and burnt terribly. I cannot stand chocolate mint as a result or junior mints ever again. This story is a family classic and I mention it because it happened in Elora so I think about that when I think of Elora.
This is Fergus, it’s just as gorgeous. River p0rn everywhere.
There is a bar called the goofy newfie over-looking this so you must check it out.
This summer I have really embraced my hick side. Like. Full on, no irony, straight-up yeehaw listening to country music even and shit! I went to a trailer park for a baseball tourny and slept in a tent that was a most wild long weekend oh Christ but anyway the city is too much city sometimes and I have always been addicted to escapes. I am like a dog if you don’t take me for car rides I will pee on the floor. Essentially.
I LOVE IT.
Oh hai.
Obviously someone from Ontario had to have the big dix plate who okayed that?
Crushed this burg so hard on the way back.
Our waitress was such a salt of the earth pleasure to converse with and told us how to get to the quarry. She said she hadn’t been since she was 17 years old when she jumped off the cliff because she was in love with a boy (said his name I forget) waiting for her below in the water but the way it just came right out of her like that and how it didn’t work because he didn’t become her boyfriend in the end. I wished my mom was there she would have talked this woman’s face off.
Okay that’s my cue gonna hit the w33d store and drop off a painting at a fancy hotel yes I am interesting like that I have big name art collectors flying in to pick up my art lmao.
Cheryl also owns my Saddam painting. Before the economy tanked years ago when I was more of a household name, people bought art, so I made art and I sold art.
Goodbye Evita Peron (as played by Madonna) you will be missed but enjoy your new home!!
Tomorrow is 9/11 anniversary I usually say something about it as I lived there when it happened and I am still fucked up from it and also fucked up from hearing people’s modern day conspiracy theories about it and getting in fights with them about how stupid and insensitive they are but anyway I will be spending the day with someone special and I won’t be alone and for that I am grateful. Sayonara for now xo.
