ok so i’m back now and you know what i realise, you guys truely fucking hate me and my family and i’m not cool with that. first thing’s first i DO NOT do COCAINE and i DO NOT whore myself and i AM related to jack fucking kerouac and yes i was wrong about when he died and my mum’s birth ok, fucking crucify me you idjits. it’s pretty annoying coming back from a nice holiday from this fucking machine to see such rampant disrespect towards my mother and every nice thing she has to say. she is a wonderful mother and loves me unconditionally despite every destructive thing i have put her and the rest of my family through. you are cruel cruel people who hate yourselves, your lives, your shitty striving for hipster i don’t know whatness and you are all fucking banned. just because you hate me doesn’t mean you have to take it out on my mother for crying out loud. shame on all of you piss-ants. and fuckdick munch who says there is no st. edwards, maybe it was st edmund’s but it’s no matter because it was referred to as teddy’s campus and it’s in summertown, oxford, also spelled sommertown and the program i took was a summer EXCHANGE program taught by teachers from ONTARIO, canada henceforth not available to tiny penis/fat vagina people like you during the regular schooling year.
keeping a blog is easy you think but it’s hard when you know another one exists such as mine and you just can’t take it because nobody gives a shit about you and your life and if i show my tits or my toes or my cat or blythe what does it matter anymore you’re addicted and your hate only breeds more curiosity so what can i do to help you? do you watch movies with the stars that you hate in it? i don’t know and im tired of trying to please everyone.
if i drink and mouth off and show my tits that’s my business really i am very nice and sensitive and people like me so the rest of you fat girls and virgin guys can EAT IT.
and now back to cancun which btw i wasn’t even in and yes i agree that it is so tacky tourist americanized blond gay gay gayness but we did go for one nite and it was fun, to coco bongo. we stayed in a HOLE supposed 4 star plus by mexican standards and that was quite generous mind you, in playa de carmen, which was awesome and yeh dont drink the water in mexico as tanky warned me but you forget about ice cubes and what they wash yer dishes with and everything else so i think i am 5 pounds lighter and i dont even want to think about food or tequila or sol but now i can speak some italian and spanish and im finally tanned not from a bottle and i don’t even feel like smoking pot anymore.
it’s good to be back and to be able to drink my own tap water.
today in mexico it was 40 degrees celsius.
i had enough of the heat baby.
and of the crappy b films on the only 2 english channels. their commercials are like fucking trip out seizure shiznat.
i cant be up this early it’s just not right ‘specially after only 3 hours sleep and he’s already fighting with me and talking about separate rooms
my purse isn’t big enough to fit all the books and ‘zines of the world
aimee i liked the note you lefted me
phil yer a cog
heh
i feel bad for destroying those flowers in the street i meant to pull one up but i pulled ten and then the whole root, certainly not a shining moment. all nite long i was thinking ok i could take a cab at any moment i should take a cab at any moment but i am having too much fun not making any sense
it’s ‘cos i did’nae eat enough
if you don’t hear from me apres 7 day’s time please bail me out
i’m writing an important packing list so i can be organized. i have had a tough day you are all yelling at me bringing me down i need to have fun tonite. i’m showering soon, don’t harp on my constitution. i do not have to explain myself to anyone or the system of my routines you are too obsessed with me even dad says
relax
i’m trying hard and i have already made the necessary decisions to better my life and will be put into immediate effect
angelo and i are going as friends
i took the time to actually respond to your letter of repetition of the crap you preach to me every hour
appreciate that
i love you
lauren
ps i will be safe in panama, it’s a family resort and i will be safe on the bike. i have my own reservations, however i want to try it out seems fun. i will be wearing proper attire w/ helmet.
pps i am not your whipping boy, you guys always pick on me i’m going to snap
i dunno whatto do and i feel like i am bringing down everyone around me with my drama and annoying them to no end i just fuck, gotta do my own thing for awhile. i really do wanna go and i am gonna go but we’re going as friends or i’m not going at all i haven’t grown or done anything of any use for a long time and it’s time i fuck my bootstraps and collect my shit
i love him and i always will i just can’t deal right now
i have my own shit to sort
i don’t want to give the wrong impression by going
and i don’t want to give the wrong impression by not going
you are my whole world and that’s not right
i forget myself too much my things my interests
i cant change how i feel im becoming too mean a person too cynical and that’s not my way to say such curse things
but sometimes you have to be blunt and people have to be brought down to size and see that if they wanna carry on as they do they gotta find someone else to put up with their shit
being friends
best friends
is the most i can offer right now
we are far too similar it’s like arguing with myself for hours and hours and i really do not want to punch you in the face or make a hole in your wall
and i’ve been drinking far too much
i would do anything far too much just to vent my frustrations and that’s not safe or smart or good at all in any way
and im afraid that once we’re there something dumb will happen and you’ll be jailed or i’ll be jailed and then what do we do?
