lets – lkw 2000
lets hold hands like we are fast friends in the middle of the lite i feel your chill and i smile your feet they hide from the sky i mend you fold and bend the last wind stole your kiss that bliss that mellow tenderness that mild fright tomorrow dawn we’re holding hands fast friends running wild into nite
“tongue lust” – lauren white – july 2001 – brooklyn
stretched my legs and sat around to the other place we stayed today played the fool in the sitting room and that’s enough for me now how about everybody else their sleazy moments with sid&nancy self pretending to care not giving a damn the comp list is good enough for you looking to spend the rest of my life under a rock with you take into account the time we might spend hating each other too whiskey and coffee blend very well blend very well my dear im sorry to say you’re not very well dressed for hanging ’round here with fear in your belly and lust on your tongue can never wait for nite to come you’re sticking out like the sore sun rising the look on your face so very surprising and the wicked things you do you say to me make me feel like a million stings in the sea we lose track of days when we don’t go to skool or work for the corporate whores like you and me
there’s actually a recording of this song, anti knows it. it’s me and jack on a fourtrack in that practise space in dumbo what hookers got fucked in on the futon.
look at your writing a if it were written by your enemy – look for what is wrong. snub that bitch! when you read your own writing to praise it – you’re blind to your mistakes – you can’t see good and bad at the same time. you just can’t.
“we’re all wendys in peter pan, all going to grow up one day – we’re all going to betray our childhood and stop believing.”
can i walk up your ladder?
Thursday, July 20, 2000 – Oxford, ST EDWARDS not EDMUNDS!
room astray, the maids stole back the artwork i stole from the hallway. dagnabbit. they must think i purposely leave my room in the most disasterous of states – just to piss them off. i hope they don’t go through my things.
an orange and black coffee for breakfast – shudder. eeuugh.
stumbling through the suburbs and i fell apart.
i can’t believe i’m consuming this oily coffee.
August 10 2000
Portobello rd.
throbs of humans stalls upon stalls clothing, trinkets, sparkled belts, antique chests, tins sue smokes a cigarette after supper. pigeons gather at your feet sweat falls down your neck man piping his accordian boy playing the steel drums fresh peppers fresh tomatoes fresh food open patios eating the sun pints and people chatter and gawk i’ve seen your face before but will i see you again tomorrow
a couple holding hands in dreds him wearing a kilt her in a sarong beads on their wrists and ’round their necks makes you acknowledge your loneliness
who will hold your hand love, who will hold your hand
i don’t even know the color of my own eyes i see my face minus the eyes
so we’re gonna meet up youre wandering around i’ll get on my board you know it’s really not a big deal your friend says i am the only one who can help you and then he calls me a loser, no respect, none. i am emotionally drained. i just need to distance myself a little so you don’t have the wrong impression and i need to get ready for the family shit going on later and i have to clean up my clothes and do something with my life before i get kicked out to that other house, you dig? i hate being callous but it’s the only way i know right now. 6 months was a long time to take and put up with what i put up with and i’m not saying i’m the bee’s knees here. you know we are all wrong for one another.
i need to better myself. you need to better yourself. i love you and that’s why i have to leave you because it is only getting worse. my feelings have changed. my heart is damaged and needs time to heal. i know you are hurting but there is only so much i can do. you are strong and you know it somewhere inside you is the thought of reason, tap into it, you know how to talk yourself out of this. in the end distance is what you need from me cause it only hurts you more to see me and you know it. i’m trying to do the right thing. please meet me halfway.
yeh i saw the killers we sat on the patio and only went in to hear the last two songs then we found a cat and made out with it we saw stripper cops do some promotion and one girl full on slammed the other’s hand in the door of their truck and then was like why isnt this door shutting and slammed it more, so they went away. blonds. then went to lee’s palace for the santa cruz party and sawre a bunch of friends i never saw before in awhile even ex dealer bf and everyone is like wow u look so mature and great and shit and im like i have a parasite, thank you, i took blythe too.
tim was fun he’s like scream where are the white women at so i did and then i said one girl had to suck his dick and i called a bunch of ‘em white devils and i sawre the vice tv carnage guy and i did the electric slide and got on the stage and did a backwards somersault flip thing but got embarassed. i liked the insync rollerskaters on carpet mucho good mucho good and i missed lucasaids’ performance. again. he is the polkaroo of performing.
im fucking starrrving and i cant have dairy so i cant have grilled cheese and i wasnt suppose to have caffeine but im having some now and i was not even suppose to have a beer and i didnt i had 5.
im going to see the killaz tonite with phil ter, the hair, and the tan and hopefully if we are not on fire we will goto lee’s to see the tallest mexican that i know and love. we are all wearing pink co-ordinating outfits so look out for us. i’ll be the one not wearing any pants.
and so i went to the clinic and i have to do a hmm “sample” tomorrow. there’s this crazy red liquid in one ofthe vials that i guess i get to make a milkshake out of once i add my special ingredient to it. that thing on my stomache i was freaked over was from my pants afterall. i called my mum at her workout place and was all oh my god this thing on my belly bla bla and shes like im coming right over, got here and was like that’s fucking it im taking u there NOW that is NOTHING!
i read this from one of the fashion magazines and it made me think of all the drama going on in tim’s comments over at floorboards.blogspot.com about racism and the like so here it is, and, i quote Murray whyte, fashion & architecture, June 2004 Fashion Magazine:
“Every culture has its own set of curses and obscenities, dirty words muttered under our breath, used only to belittle and disparage.”
Murray also said that modernism is not style but it’s an aesthetic philosophy, something directed toward the peeps with martinis who use the word modern. fuck don’t you want to slap those people. modern is up there with fabulous for pretentious words. guh. me, yer lucky if you can get me to speak english half the time.
anyway, fags can hate on homophobe frat boys because they can and you can’t do anything about it. i come from suburbia and i live in suburbia and fag is used every ten minutes to describe someone’s behaviour, outfit, things they say, what have you and these dudes are all frat boys who if were thrown out on their asses from their rich parents wouldn’t have a leg to stand on in the real world because someone’s credit card is always nearby.
i say fag all the time, ALL the time, AND lesbian and lesbo but i dont say it to people, i say it to my cat because he acts like a lesbo and it’s cute you know. and i say it to my friends to hush them or make them laugh whatever you say it your mom says it your dad says it your dinosaur says it.
using a word that hurts people to describe their behaviour can be tricky you know, you just have to be careful who you say it to and know that these people are your flight attendants, doctor’s, accountants, best friend who you grew up with or even your child’s best friend. think about who you’re hurting.
it’s hard because it is ingrained in our psyches to say this shit and it be socially acceptable and the norm but until you meet someone like kissyfur who speaks out and openly of his sexual orientation and in fact has hiv you shoot him down and say he is whining and you call him a girl. fuck you. that hurts my heart.
what if all your life you were gay and everyone called u a girl for it everyday of this life and finally you grow up and find people just like you who dont call you a girl and then u go places and people walk by you and call all of you a girl and then you get hiv because of your gayness once you are finally settled and content with being gay after years of a closeted life and fagbashing and then you die.
look, i love frat boys and i love gays. frat boys just have to realise that it’s ok to touch another dude’s penis once ‘n awhile and if that’s not your cup of penis then don’t hit a gay with a bat because it’s his cup of penis. don’t treat anybody like a second class citizen, ever.
july 7 2000
friday – the air is a buzz with what is to happen tonite. extended curfew. about 15 of us have opted for going to this house party we were invited to in gloucester gy this guy from new jersey while we were lost, me and sarah we were stupidly lost though not far at all from montpelier tucker and rebecca were there as well, in search of an irish pub. we took action shot photos of us strutting down the street i bought this natural sexy drink made of yohimbe and ginseng i did not feel sexy drinking it skeptical mainly. finally made it back, stayed in finishing work it was good to relax though i didn’t fall asleep any sooner read all nite long reading a new book.
so i bought my tube pass today. went with claudia and sarah b all over in attempt to make it to st. paul’s to work on the tour we have to give the class we never even made it there though we we went to other stores all around knightsbridge we’ll go to st. paul’s on sunday instead.
later
bina gardens basement flat 15 of us 7 of them all americans and us canadians by the end of the nite the canucks were telling the yanks how stupid we thought they all were and how they give us a bad name. v. funny. did my first funnel.
