this dude sean his grandmar makes these scarves that are all soft and crap and all the bitches in the bar when they’re loaded go up to the scarf and try to make out with it and so sean’s sister, ever the entrepreneur or something made up the grandma loves me silver shiny thing to be sewed onto the scarf and it makes girls want to lay you even more because their grandma is dead and never made them no scarf. you can get the scarves from some faggy hair salon on church in toronto. email me if u want one i’ll be messenger.
sophie!
too bad that dingus lost.
i like it in pubs when they put positive messages on the walls and frame them for you to look at when you are playing darts and loaded out of your mind and you are like right, i am going to stop drinking tomorrow and then you don’t so you go to a different pub where there aren’t any signs to make you feel guilty but then a week later you find yourself in that same pub and you are like harhuh! so we meet again framed positive message sign. bastard!
smoking outside at a concert there are all these people dressed in their finest coolest articles and you have to listen to them talk and then before you go in to watch more of the concert you whip out your camera and take a picture of the fence gate thing because it has a deeper meaning and something that by the time you look at the picture when you get home or a week later you are like haha those people thought i was doing something important and clever. pffffffffft.
i wish i was smart enough to think of something like this to draw about. what?
i think that says poon. i hope that it does. but maybe it says pooh or was suppose to and the 13 year old who was carving it in ran out of time before he got a chance to finish because he was gonna miss his bus.
imagine if your grandma was that tiny and she followed you around telling you off and s-talking your uncle and you are like when are those miniature muffins going to be ready?
that’s me using dial-up + aol to email some files at my brother’s work it was so boring and slow. good thing i could watch price is right and shoot off fire extinguishers ‘cos they had slow leaks.
i dunno how i feel about the confederate flag. like it’s suppose to be cool to be racist or something or maybe just racist to be racist. maybe just a novelty. there’s no way in hell any canadian would hang that crap out in their yard, they only do it in secret inside of their homes and it is so scandalous when people come over everyone hovers around it. whatever. some rich kid in town has one hung above his bed in the basement and his dad is apparently a big ole racist too. fucking losers. how do you even go and buy one of those flags with a clear conscience like is there a big racist secret hidden warehouse someplace and if you go in and buy something and bring it home you are ultra bad-ass all of a sudden and the guy at the cash register is like good for you son? some people can get away with hanging up offensive crap on their walls ‘cos they’re doing it to be clever or funny or make a statement you know but others put that crap up becuase they actually believe what it stands for and people like that are the biggest cowards ever and never have anything interesting to say about anything ever and pretty much go through life being ordinary and unlikeable.
and then there are those drinking is fun and funny plaques with bottle openers on them. rock!
that tree is awesome because it is from the beginning of time and so is the one strand of oldschool xmas bulbs and only some of them work and the decorations are ancient and probably worth money and they’re all birds and classy but very delicate and what else, well, i guess it means more to me than to you so i’ll shut up about it.
oh i saw a thrown out christmas tree on the sidewalk and it made me feel sad and i wanted to save it but i didn’t. that little tree was grown just to be cut down put in a room for a week then chucked to the side of the road. gay.
then when you go to someone’s house and you compliment their real tree and you smell it then they ask if you have a real one and you say no then they are shocked and kind of hate you for the rest of the nite like how if they were a dog person and you were a cat person, that kind of hate, anyway, you tell them that you use to have real trees but then you got a fake one and life was easier and then they go on about the whole getting of the tree experience and how nice it is and shit and you say well look at your fucking floor, who has to take that shit down? you? heck no, the man is gonna do it and he’s going to be swearing the entire time and you’re going to be hiding in the laundry room and then you’ll go to your mother’s for a little while.
ok so here is what i think about the life aquatic with steve zissou
top five words to describe the life aquatic with steve zissou
endearing
bittersweet
funny
jeff goldblum is awesome
i like the part where bill murray flicks that little lizard off his hand when he is trying to convince his wife to give him money
you can basically call this the royal tenenbaums sequel except they are on a boat and sometimes on a tiny island and some of the characters from the royal tenenbaums aren’t even in the life aquatic film which is confusing a little bit but then you are like oh ya this isn’t actually the sequel to the royal tenenbaums.
phew.
wes anderson is the genius behind both films. duh dur duuuuuuuuuuuuuh. so all those cute little attention to detail things you expect to see and then you see them and you are like wow that was cute.
maybe i wasn’t fully paying attention because i was so pissed off at the slowness of our food arriving at east side mario’s before the movie, who knows, but i didn’t notice that cool song that’s in the previews at all.
what. the. fuck.
you know the song where they are all walking slow-motion down the stairs together and everybody is happy and it is very dramatic and beautiful and makes you want to drop everything and go to wherever the hell they are and be walking down the stairs alongside them and have a little kid on top of your shoulders because you are a big showboat?
anyway, the trailer for the life aquatic (as do/does all trailers) crammed in every single clever moment that it could so when you are watching it finally you are like OH THAT’S FROM THE PREVIEWS I REMEMBER THAT PART YES!
regardless it is definitely worth seeing and the only reason people are shit-talking it is because they are ordinary, uncreative, high-standard snobs who are just jealous ‘cos they are not wes anderson and they haven’t put together a blockbuster themselves and so what if he totally ripped-off his previous films, the shit works.
like why don’t you go to the lake and tell it to fuck off while you’re at it.
ahem.
you come away from the life aquatic wanting to go on some big adventure and you realise that everyone with money is an asshole and you hate them and also you roll your eyes imagining next year’s halloween costumes all being skinny boring hipster kids wearing those red toques and cute sweaters with the letter ‘z’ and being pre-angry and annoyed that you can’t make that your costume because everybody is gonna be doing it so instead you’re gonna dress like napoleon dynamite like everybody else ‘cos at least that will be funny.
don’t you hate people who dress sexy on halloween but if you don’t do it then you walk around feeling unsexy and fat and your whole nite just sucks.
what else.
oh and if you are on your period you might cry at the part where they have to leave the three-legged dog with those pirate thieves because everybody wants a three-legged dog because they’re missing a leg but can still run faster than you and people are always amazed and impressed by them and then you can get away with being a giant bore of a person.
the life aquatic might make you feel a little bit lonely but also will make you appreciate your everyday circle of friends and you might wear matching clothes to show everybody else who is not a part of your circle that you and the circle have a great big bond of love.
oh wait people already do that because of the GAP.
right.
and as a sidenote
i think my next job is going to be cart-collector at your local supermarket because then i can wear a big stupid winter jacket all the time even in summer if i want to and i can disappear for hours on end and then my boss will yell at me a lot because some woman will complain to him about neutrogena being way too expensive and i’ll be like dooooooood shave your moustache.
the life aquatic makes you want to be simple and also helps you appreciate/respect simple but you are still jealous of jeff goldblum because he is rich but because he is zany and has scientific high maintenance type one-liners and is part gay you are all allowed to like him.
i am not allowed to listen to the yeah yeah yeahs anymore
or modest mouse
or muse
because they are all on my laptop kuz fil got a hipster ipod and so he put itunes on it and so i go thru the shit and listen to the same 4 songs over and over although there’s a bunch of other interesting stuff to be listening to i just ignore it and listen to crap i already know because i am set in my ways and all other music i think sounds like it is from an elevator even though it really doesn’t i just like to think that it is
i wouldn’t even know anything about muse or feist or whatever if it wasn’t for people like fil who are passionate about music
the only thing i am truely passionate about is writing and looking down at the sidewalk when i am walking by myself because sometimes i am painfully shy it’s weird and i get nervous that someone might actually make eye contact with me and then i’ll have to smile at them when i am not prepared to
ok enough emo
it s very windy out today/tonite
i almost blew right over
and then the whole time walking to the bank then back to the variety store i was worried about that happening so i walked extra carefully all hyper-aware of my walking and feeling guilty for throwing my cigarette butt in the gutter instead of butting it out on the sidewalk and depositing it in the trash like i normally do and i felt like formally apologizing to the town or maybe calling up the mayor and explaining that i only did it because of the wind and then justifying it by saying that it was gonna be washed away into the sewer anyhow and then it wouldn’t be there eventually therefore no one would have to look at it
but then i remembered that the sewer water ends up in the lake eventually and i felt even worse but by then i was at the variety store and i hadn’t been blown over by the wind afterall
so that was good at least
but the new thing to be worrying over is the 12 feet of gutter that is hanging in the alley off the building of fil’s apt. ‘cos of the snow and ice that was all heavy innit and there are nails and shit stuck in it so i envision myself later tonite/morning being hit in the face by it
we’ve been renting a lot of shitty movies lately and it’s not like we planned for them to be shitty on purpose. it just turned out that way. maybe it’s because we’re loaded the whole way through and extra critical and catty. derno.
last nite for example, it was the league of extraordinary gentlemen, and it took me maybe ten minutes to realise that it was suppose to be one of those far-fetched comic book style type films because one guy was all invisible and stuff.
i found myself almost asking if dracula was actually real then i almost asked if that whole dr. jeckyl crap actually happened but i didn’t and i was proud of myself for that. sometimes i am just not at all smart and it’s only because my brain works super fast and so common sense is neglected once in awhile.
i’m hoping to get some of that back after new year’s when i sober up my shit.
ok so back to the crappy movie thing.
watching the special features made me feel bad for sean connery because he says oh i was offered the matrix script and i didn’t understand it so i turned it down.
and then he says he was offered the lord of the rings script and he turned that down also because he didn’t get it, as in the whole far-fetchery aspect.
!!!!!!
and so since both those films made a ton of sweet mula once the doorknob who scripted the league of extraordinary gentlemen approached him sean connery was all yaaaaaaaa this is gonna be a blockbuster because all this crazy stuff that i don’t understand happens in it so it must be like lord of the rings.
wrong.
my professional movie watching opinion for this movie is that it was a magical piece of masturbatory comic book gay o thon waste of money and maybe if they didn’t rely on sean connery’s star status to carry the thing they may have cleaned up a little better at the box office. any movie where i roll my eyes at least 5 times during tells me that it is crap.
i rolled my eyes at least 20 times.
the thing is suppose to take place during 1899 but there are all these 1920s inspired costumes and even a tank and a fucking car. come on!
and i didn’t see one boob or penis or bare ass!
and the invisible guy is just too clever and funny.
nobody has the capacity to be such a smart ass in 1899. sarcasm wasn’t even invented yet!
we also rented anchorman.
after seeing will ferrell’s performance in Elf i was expecting to laugh every 20 seconds so hard that snot would be shooting out of my nose and ears with saliva everywhere but i wasn’t.
it’s ‘cos they were focusing on the whole women as anchorwomen equal rights crap which is fine and all, bla bla we get it, we know, but i don’t want to be learning a lesson in a will ferrell movie when i am drinking and it’s “the holidays”. still there are funny one-liners and such but i can’t remember any of them, not a one.
the only thing that sticks out is that one guy who screams when he talks and doesn’t understand what is going on. that’s pretty funny.
after watching napoleon dynamite, every other attempt at humour is like, don’t even bother.
