having a good time fil?

if anyone cares i am going through all the videos on my laptop and putting them on my youtube account, and everyone is wasted in 89% of them, and most of them have never seen the light of day so go party in my account. oh and i’m fatter too so you can have fun with that.

oh and if you’ve been noticing the shittiness of haloscan lately and you’ve been wanting to comment just refresh my blog and the link to comments should appear.

merkley???: why is that on uk youtube?

me: cos im not american
and there is no canadian option
im snubbing you

merkley???: lame

me: uh no

merkley???: uh yes

me: why is that lame

merkley???: uk is far away
servers are half way around the world
not resourceful

me: has nothing to do with servers u doink
its just a tiny flag at the top of the page

merkley???: and its europhile which is total douchebag

me: it only has to do with the flag at the top
jesus

merkley???: trying to make a statement?

me: im trying to state that i am not american, and there is no canadian option, which is insulting, so i am insulting you guys back
so yes thank you for asking

merkley???: so edgey

me: edgy

merkley???: that too

the only reason there is a uk option is so people can choose the servers nearby

me: well my vids go up pretty fast
who cares

merkley???: you do

me: i didnt choose the flag until after i had joined and had videos up
i chose it a day later
there is no difference

merkley???: meh

me: meh in hell

merkley???: i. am. NOT. american. people.
GET IT RIGHT
ha ha

me: oh i forget you arent a yank sometimes

merkley???: i was doing an impersonation

me: i know and i was ignoring it
YOU HAVE BEEN VIRTUALLY IGNORED

merkley???: america is so sad you chose a brit flag

me: america IS sad
you are killing the world
good going

merkley???: ha ha
nothing funnier than a canadian complaining about america

me: nothing funnier than your bad breath
whatever sf go get another tattoo

merkley???: **************

me: you are infuriating me

me: “ha just read the merkley’s dream
and it made me remember a dream i had with you in it. i woke up pissed too, with low self esteem. i think you shot me down at some bar cuz you’d not drank enough to make out with me or something like that. it was a while ago.”
i would email this but your server is mexican and never gets my email

merkley???: ha ha
last night i dreamed maury povich was hitting on a girl i liked and he was winning — she was paying more attention to him cuz he was famous

me: good

merkley???: so i went and played “thriller” on a giant church organ that also had a piano connected

me: to get her attention
hahaha

merkley???: i was very surprised that i could play the entire song without ever having played it before
it just came out
perfectly

me: fascinating
you are fascinating canada right now
should i call the toronto star and tell them
no maybe the metro so commuters can read it on the train

merkley???: make sure you make it very very very very very clear that i am NOT american
GOD FORBID

me: hmm this is more of a tabloid anecdote so ill get in touch with the SUN instead

merkley???: oh are they the ones that post your driving and singing vids? –
ha ha
this is all your fault for being an asshole in my dream

me: oh my god you are so mean

merkley???: yeeeehaw!

me: well go have a nap right now and dream about me beating the shit out of you

merkley???: maybe i will dream about you eating a bowl of crap

me: ahahhaha

start the evening off right with some girl talk on the couch with fil and some red wine haha they are talking about divacups and aerobics.

that would be fil’s i am sexy shirt, when we were getting ready i asked him if he had to step up his game cos we were going to be dining with lesbos, he didn’t get it. when chicks hang with their fag friends they have to dress fly to compensate for feeling undesirable all nite long like we can bring them back to hetero if we are hot enough.

remember when i had nails? yeah that’s over now. i told the lesbos that fil said he would get me a present if i grew them out, then i grew them out, and he didn’t buy me a present. they were NOT impressed. ha burn fil.

garlic naan drooooooool.

excuse me sir does that tassle come in large?

yep, that kinda nite.

butter chicken.

derno wendi ordered it, vegetarian something.

regular naan.

fil’s chicken vindaloo i think.

chicken something.

chickpeas something i am perceptive.

SO full and i ate less than half of my butter chicken, all that naan, everytime, you win this round, naan.

to showboat wil dumped water from his wine glass on his plate to rinse it for the next bottle of wine we opened. being full and looking at that almost made me spew.

NO I’M NOT DRUNK YOU’RE DRUNK! wendi said that celebs on the red carpet are told to smile with their lips closed and teeth parted, it is insanely difficult but obviously the pay-off is just fucking MAGIC.

wil met them the nite before in the lobby being piano man at like 2am or something then they got blasted, last nite was very pretty woman all around. they bought their dresses specifically for the occasion too.

time to loosen up ladies. this is when the compliments started flowing, loved it.

that lipstick is not me.

bye.

ate at the host last nite, more to come on that, told two nice little lesbos from saskatchewan that they were rug munchers, right? to break the ice.

shoulda said muff divers.

anyway, it worked.

+++

nice one aaron

aaron is the guy who does all these raymi photoshop things he lies in wait beneath the city in his ninja turtle hideout for me to post on my blog photoshop-worthy pictures.

organic lesbo lunch from noah’s, those things are awesome, the pre-made meals.

mere moments before our near-miss airbag exploding collision, the rest of the ride to the ‘burbs was on-edge, you know heart-racing adrenaline shakes.

i wonder if that hole has closed yet.

nice nosefuzz.

when i was a kid and everyone at school made fun of my big nose i used to look at it in the mirror a lot from this angle to console myself, i thought it looked smaller and if everyone else could just notice my nose from this angle they would shut the hell up.

there’s this great place in burlington i forget the name of, i totally comfort-consumed all day long sunday, period + stress = food booze city.

got that for my dad, brother and i ate the majority of it, hi here is a present that i am going to eat, you’re welcome.

also got him these to put up those retard me and brother pictures on his fridge.

stink-eye is a very important part of my family it is the glue that binds us.

dad and brother both had one of these i had a salad and mooched off this, there is another layer of roast beef under the one with all the gravy on it.

mom’s cougar purse i don’t have to rip on anymore cos everyone else does now i am extending the opportunity to you guys, passing on the love.

so tired here and annoyed and trying to get my drink-on to obliterate my mind while mom is nag nag blah blah blah.

wasabi chicken salad, really very good though i had garlic indigestion bloated stomach for several hours afterward and could still taste it in my mouth. that red thing i don’t know what it is, edible, tasteless garbage garnish wow burlington jack astor’s you’re so out there.

my brother and dad basically make fun of me about EVERYTHING i wear, and constantly too.

THE WORST SALAD I HAVE EVER ORDERED IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE FROM CHAP’S.

it was comped off the bill. the chicken was burned so they tried to cover-up/compensate for it by dumping loads of creamy gorgonzola barf cheese all over the place and you’re also supposed to put on bacon vinaigrette, it was disgusting, way too many flavours going on, i didn’t even bother ordering something else it killed my appetite that bad. it should be taken off the menu, maybe tomorrow afternoon if i’m bored i’ll email head office a long piece of my mind note and maybe get some free shit out of it.

the service was terrible as well. i shoulda known, the “fun” play on words DIXIE CHICKEN AND SPINACH is a big red flag.

barf. they don’t even have a website.

merkley???: i dreamed i went to toronto and you were very rude and your friends were all jocks and you made me go to a football game and the field was half asphalt and half weeds and basically everything sucked

me: I FUCKING HATE FOOTBALL what a shitty and inaccurate dream

merkley???: well i was quite surprised by it all

me: what was i wearing

merkley???: something red and kinda tight — not good fashion — like i said, it wasnt what i expected i was pretty shocked at your terrible hosting skills i was with someone else and i kept apologizing to them for bringing them because i promised that it would be a great time and they would think you were great

me: i am a very good host actually, like bend over backwards nauseatingly over-courteous

merkley???: but you kept making fun of her for being “american”

me: ha what a dick
did i have good burns?

merkley???: your jock friends were actually getting in my face trying to start a fight
no
the whole time i was thinking — wow — how does someone have such a different online persona
samir was a total dick

me: the only time i am a shitty host is when i ignore everyone while they are over and read my comments
ha even samir was in your dream
what was fil like

merkley???: fil was standoffish he wasnt blatantly a dick it was more you siding with all your jock friends and not letting go of the snide “american” comments

me: well i dont have jock friends i dont know anyone who plays sports actually

merkley???: plus you kept insulting my friend
ha ha

me: what was i saying i bet your friend sucked and deserved it when you werent looking she was being rude to me hence the suck

merkley???: it was obviously opposite day in my dreams my friend was totally fictional –

me: what do you think this dream means
you are apprehensive about meeting me and coming to toronto cos you are a scaredy cat penis

merkley???: sunday night i went to a party where the hosts were really bad

me: well thanks for taking it out on me in your dream

merkley???: i mightve checked my rss and read a snip from your blog last night and combined it all toronto was a total shithole ghetto weeds everywhere cracked pavement milkweeds that get white goo all over everything

me: nope sorry

merkley???: it might take me a week or two to forgive you i’m scarred

me: when fil cheats on me in my dream or me on him in his, when we wake up we hate each other he gets in trouble for being bad in my dream and i resent him all day

merkley???: ha ha yeah well i am resenting you right now

me: the other day he said bla bla should know better when WE are on our period

merkley???: you need to apologize for your bad behavior and your lame jock friends

me: im sorry i hung out with jocks and was mean to you in your dream and made fun of america via your mythical friend, merkley and i wore a shitty red tight outfit

merkley???: when i woke up i couldnt remember my dream — it was only when i saw your name that i remembered that i was pissed

me: HAHAHHAA wow you are really affected

merkley???: anyway, that was only my second raymi dream, in the first you wore that meat dress

me: i wonder what my stalkers feel after they dream about me and it is awesome
oh right i dreamt about you once rght i forget i musta told you

merkley???: yeah
i was awesome and tan

me: oh
anything else

merkley???: i only remember being tan and thin and i had my shirt off or something

me: well thats pretty much all i ever aspire to be so good work
ha that did not happen

merkley???: basically i was the cover of a romance novel

me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
my dads cat looks like you
rockley
hahahahahahahhahahaha

merkley???: not even close

me: sorry man hair to face ratio is dead on

merkley???: plus you were wearing a weird bra that made your boobs look like a mans chest i was gonna say something to get you back but i decided to take the high road

me: is our friendship over

merkley???: i think you wore it to fit in with your jock friends you might have actually been a dyke in my dream ha ha

me: typical

here is a video of my brother snapping my mom in the head with a rubber band while she is crashed out in the waiting room at the hospital.

that is my take on the whole FREEDOM SCARF look, i am a white upper middle class piece of shit from mississauga and i understand what is going on in israel right now and i just feel so fucking compassionate about the whole thing i have to let the world know that i give a shit and NO this is not just a party scarf accessory representing how much of a poseur i am wavelength nite at sneaky disease stop copying me.

oh this is interesting, i used the term freedom scarf as a joke cos that’s actually what urban outfitters called it when they sold it but now they don’t, because they are ignorant and racist apparently. YEAH HIPSTERS!

it is like 6 in the morning in this picture, got shitty sleep as in NO SLEEP cos my mom got the guestroom, i am not wearing make-up, that room was like a fucking morgue, when i was sitting down i had ten blankets on me, i looked like a crazy visitting from the psyche ward, my hair was all fucked and the nurses had to act like it was normal.

+++

everything went fine!

thanks everyone for the well wishes!

i want a fucking banana!

everytime i go to the burbs i get lods of zits and i come back on the train looking like greasy trash.

fil and i almost got in a car accident on sunday.

ok email time internet jones.

my dad is having a necessary procedure done tomorrow that i have been obsessing over in my head since i heard he has to have it done, they have to stop his heart and revive him, it’s all i have been thinking about, they do it in the morning and send you on your way in the afternoon, very little chance of complications they say, but still, i’m a nervous person so i am dreading the worst while trying to be positive, anyway, my entire fucking world will come undone if he kicks it so uh, yeah, good timing menstrual cycle. i’m going to hang with him today and sleep over tonite and i printed out some copies of my brother and i making ugly faces pictures for him to enjoy.