Ryan: this is funny people get road rage bad eh my hippie friend cut off someone and got followed and beaten up by vigilantes once
me: good
Ryan: i figured you’d like that story it was his own fault i hear he was really being a hippie about it all saying things like chill and mellow out
me: OMG how did he cut them off if a hippie EVER told me to chill or mellow i would slam a fucking WWF chair over their head
Ryan: it was really more of a hit and run sort of thing switching lanes, hit a car’s ass then booked off
me: well there you go
Ryan: so these alberta nationalists followed him until he stopped you know those guys in the monster trucks who put their heads out the window and tell people to go back to africa or asia and offer them airfare or busfare out of canada every chance they get couple of them guys roughed up the hippie as they waited for the cops to show and then the cop also charged the hippie for spitting up blood it’s illegal to spit there don’t blog that though
me: woah why not! i already did the other parts i fucking hate alberta why cant i post that
Ryan: fine i hate alberta too
me: ha why do we hate alberta we just do right
Ryan: yeah it feels natural doesn’t it? there might be reasons though they were colonized by americans, their upper class is nearly still 100% american, they’re big oil like cheap arab countries who did nothing to attain their wealth
me: they suck ahhh born rich stupid
Ryan: whereas ontario has a history of working for it yes and yet they complain about ottawa the loudest – hold our government hostage
me: well everyone’s feelings regarding toronto are just hilarious
Ryan: they’re separatists anyway and no one wants them yeah tron funkin blow
me: oh shut up thunder gay
Ryan: whatever toron-hoe
me: HO moron torongardentool?
Ryan: d’oh more like thunder fuckin A ok that was lame
me: HAHAHHAHA no that was wicked
i’m going to eat my weight in chinese food later and gonna start googling pictures of it now to torture myself.
refresh if comments are fucking up and not showing sigh.
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i now invite you to see how much further ryan and i went with this provinces hating tour, read chad’s post then the comments.
that pose was specifically for me and i am not lying.
this fucks with my eyes.
bumped into my old partner in crime the blond girl.
meeting of the…
oh i get it, sorry i pass on grass. that’s dimitri and joe. joe is not in the burning brides.
girl in the red is toooootally posing.
uhhhhhhhh i was in the middle of talking and bossing wendi around and she took that.
these are not in order i don’t care.
that little sprite who looks like aaliyah is allergic to peanuts and then i talked her head off about it.
fucked up wendi’s drink at gorilla monsoon (i know that place is lame) and then made her eat her hotdog on the patio i forget where i was going with this.
this is hysterical to me right now.
me: remember cheese crackers last nite
Phil: mmm roquefort
me: haha what a gay name i just destroyed a banana
Phil: you are a gay name
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i just googled angelica houston and found this:
* The 4 dresses included (from left):
* Sharon Stone’s gold/grapevine beaded column from 1995 film Casino.
* Cher’s red beaded column worn in 1992 film The Player – also worn by Angelica Houston on Vanity Fair 1990 cover.
* Brooke Shields red/black beaded dress with red/black fox trimmed coat worn for 1983 Cosmopolitan magazine cover.
* Diana Ross’s red chevron beaded dress and coque feather boa from concert wardrobe and 1999 film Double Platinum.
from this barfular society ezine called socialwhirl hahaha. ew, society. i dunno try THE REAL WORLD. the real whirl. ew whirl.
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Ryan: is it fucking snowing there too?
me: NO is it snowing in thunder bay!>? its warm here
Ryan: this is ridonkulous i was sitting in the lake drinking beer like last week yeah now i’m watchin it snow those poor tomatoes
me: heres a tip, MOVE take a picture email it please i want to blog it
Ryan: yeah that tip got a laugh and a nod ok brb
me: dude i thought thunder bay sucked before but now i am speechless
someone is sandblasting or sanding or sawing outside and i just came to and realised oh this sound is not enjoyable. last nite my ears rang like mental after the burning brides show oh and earlier before that the die mannequin chick basically fucked my head and face in front of 100 industry people and got me on my back then i bursted into tears in the bathroom if it was some sort of punk rock “message” she chose the wrong person. this is why i don’t leave the house during the day. i was crouching taking pictures amongst the cluster of shy people and she chose to girate my face and hair and head and i had to grab her thigh to stay up then she knocked me over and she was wearing her dirty punk shorts and distillers-type get-up and made me fall back and my purse was on the floor. i got a few pictures of the ceiling.
everyone else thought it was super cool i turned to wendi and said i am so angry right now then i am going out front (this was at the rivoli) and she is like ok cos i had my non-chalant face on and my lip started quivering and chin and eyes welled up and i kept it together walking past all the people to the bathroom then fucking blew up. i dunno, 4pm is too early for the rock and roll i think, plus i hadn’t eaten wasn’t drinking and i am premenstrual and i don’t even fucking like that band! I AM PISSED! i already left a shitty message on her blog. apparently the chick had 3 double jack daniels before playing.
raymi lauren said…
yeah thanks for fucking my head at that shitty rivoli show yesterday afternoon, super uncool i left immediately after and ps. i’m not part of that fucking industry so if that was some sort of punk rock “message” you chose the wrong person.
i may be over-reacting i guess maybe she thought i dunno, people sometimes mistake me for someone who is actually cool, it’s sort of my fault cos i dress that way but it’s a trick. i think if i was a squeegee kid at the reverb i would have appreciated it more. or if she was a stripper.
sigh.
then on the patio in-between suck attacks my cousin leigh is all lauren hey! and then i got to tell her all about it too and of course cried more.
dimitri from burning brides said i looked like angelica houston all nite long and even at the sneaky dee’s show said hey you all know angelica houston, that’s her daughter and pointed at me and i was at the front on a speaker and i think people believed it.
the hoodie im wearing that i wore last nite reeks of smokes i tried to give fil a bj and i was like um i am going to barf i have to stop the room is spinning then i laid back down and laughed hysterically.
monstergirl has erected a jim morrison shrine in her new painting’s honour le sigh.
so this slug of a woman in the bathroom at the gladstone looks me up and down with this pregnant pause like she is waiting for the chicks in the mirrors to be on full-alert then she declares HMM IT MUST TAKE A LOT OF CONFIDENCE TO WEAR WHITE BOOTS AFTER LABOUR DAY and kind of silently sniggers at her own remark then the quiet is really loud collective intakes of breath i wait it out a teeny bit by fixing her with some mean stink-eye really thick like you are a stupid ignorant ugly hag (ps. this woman is past her prime, dressed in a ridiculous multi-coloured beach ball vomit dress and in no way has the upperhand when it comes to fashion) and say ACTUUUUUUALLY, NO, IT DOESN’T and then everyone is gasping again over the tension then i go into a stall and i guess the woman leaves and everyone is still sort of quiet and then whispering about that woman.
i have this look about me i guess like if someone is in a bad mood because of their shitty time, i look like a safe person to let it out on cos i don’t have ten thousand accessories on, i don’t know how to explain it it’s just that women seem to enjoy being catty toward me, unwarrantedly.
and it’s not like my boots are like HELLO WE ARE WHITE BOOTS NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH they’re just like fucking white fuck off dickhead boots, and ps. who are you my mom? that’s something i distinctly remember her saying about some woman wearing white heels at the bay a long time ago, something her own mother would say too. i remember thinking so what?
thankfully i made that woman feel really stupid in a concise manner and i didn’t bump into her again, self-important “industry” fucks can eat my shit.
the whole exchange made me feel violent like how some people in my comments say things about how i look or what i am wearing like it is somehow supposed to be significant like that’s all you have? you seriously want to go there with me? you say oh well it’s on the interent so expect it yeah that’s fine but can i also have higher expectations of you people like i dunno not sucking? i get that you are social cowards and inept mostly, of all the events i go to and people i would never stoop to your level, is all.
jamie and deborah are going to come here in october over thanksgiving weekend cartwheel!
i liked georgia rule and cried at the end get it to see lindsay’s outfits and slutty business it’s kind of alright in a bad way fil pretended to hate it the whole time to cover up the liking it.
we went to whole foods after shawarmas to get cheese and i saw that one girl working i blogged about once who was at the bedford talking shit about all of her co-workers so coming down the escalator i made a i recognize her face and started talking to fil and she saw it then we went through her lane anyway to pay and i could feel the politeness-lie oozing from her, she looks like one of those jolly roly poly types that you truly believe to be nice and kind cos they spend loads of time acting for you but then you overhear how nasty they are at the bedford after they have had a few drinks and you want to slam their face into the bar cos the leafs are winning and she is hogging the airspace with straight-dissing everybody cos she’s an insecure loser.
the british cheese i chose was kind of well meh and it is so valency‘s fault we got cheese to begin with. do whole foods let you smaple cheeses? i was too shy to ask.
remind me to tell you about what some woman said about my boots in the gladstone bathroom.
shawarma is our new singapore vermicelli ever since that one fateful day when i went oh hell i’ll eat lunch.
refresh to leave comments, haloscan fucking bloooows.
how did i miss this on the internet yesterday!?!? i can’t wait ’til fil gets home and show it to him he will be upset for the rest of the nite. and now look! i know when shit hits the fan for me someday one of you people can make a video like this then skyrocket to instant fame.
it’s ok we will follow it up by watching this together then go get shawarmas, eat british cheese and candy and watch georgia rule am i turning fil gay? yesterday he hung out with me and three other birds and we all argued over which sex and the city character we were.
you can tell what part of the nite we are at by the size and shape of my face, there are so many other pictures i have yet to go through i am kind of avoiding looking at them with my eyes cos i know the shade of wasted i was at the time.
posting this cos it took five tries and brad’s eye looks awesome.
don’t go falling in love now.
it was around this point fil asked me if was drunk. no no no no! too early! i don’t know if you ever heard the song FREE DRINKS.
he believed me or let me think that he did. i said no i’m not drunk i’m just a funny guy.
this is how i felt about the band and i totally got busted by the singer for making this picture face i think they are called LA ink or something i forget. then i went back to playing video games.
that disco ball was pretty interesting.
bring it chamPAIN!
uh i like gardens too?
hey is that jude law!?
ok fine they were actually decent.
drunk eyes.
sigh johnny depp where were you last nite?
skeefing johnny depp’s boozes and ice!
they would not let anyone leave vip while the frenzy was happening and we finally did to pee in the back parking lot and came back in via the smoking door thanks a lot johnny depp everyone saw my beav!
uh oh.
more like JOHNNY DUPE!
gillian just emailed me this:
did u leave a cigarette pack in my bag with the words
“post about guys starvation moods/rage compared to women’s..may be worse”
????
me:
YES! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHA
gillian:
thought so..i’m keepin it
makes me laugh
me:
i wrote that while eating a chicken shawarma yesterday on our way to the stone but i thought i wrote way worse
before i get with the photos from last nite, here i give you my hangover/sober day items.
the chocolate bars are for fil, and those gummi cokes are fat free. you need sugar on sober day so as to not strangle each other and have fights where all you are saying is what? whatever. huh? whatever.
i love tutti frutti, there was this hipster couple with a tiny puppy outside, i had to choose petting it or going in to buy candy following behind this woman with a huge stroller, all she did was go in, get stuck (tiny store), turn around austin powers style, wait for me to move then left.
THIS TASTES LIKE DREAMS AND LAUGHING i half ran home to bust it open, it was this or cream soda flavour or boring old root beer – choosing wildberry is probably the smartest thing i have done lately.
me: i got us an assortment of foods for sober nite well candy and pop i didnt get shawarma but i got fanta wildberry it tastes like dreams and laughing when i have dehydration drunk dreams and i am scaling a mountain for a glass of refreshment FANTA WILDBERRY IS IT you will explode when you try it alright fine
me: i rented georgia rule too
Phil: dreams and laughing haha what did you eat
me: nothing
Phil: what’s that in the bag next to the banana
me: fat free gummi cokes
Phil: oh nice it looks like prunes or something
the espresso is just cos we are out even though it is SO fil’s turn to buy it, this for me makes it 3 times in a row now!
when you pour it and it fizzes it is like technicolour fuscia purple pink foam magic i am cured.
this is how last nite ended, there is fluff on the dutch crunch cos they slept on the floor and somehow i lost 4lbs over nite. we walked to the communist daughter and had a pre-drink there i had to whizz then it started raining balls, had i not demanded to stop we would have been caught and drenched and i would have been bitchy all night long and despite that fil was not thanking me enough at all.
and ps. what is with the talented mr. ripley hats these days? and haha i just google image searched talented mr. ripley to find a picture of jude law and a hat picture linked to this site.
Borsalino Panama Porkpie
it’s nice to know that everyone rents villas in san remo all of a sudden and listen to hot jazz bands at 3am. dinks.
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quote of the day:
“I met a guy named Champion today. He looked in every reflective surface he went by. He has a perm.”
