fil‘s right, to sell more alarms the commercial should go, a bear breaks into a home, picks out important things to smash and stomp on, has his way with the pregnant mexican maid, wipes his ass with ancient pictures, eats all the salmon, leaves the toilet seat up and like. generally spazzes on the house before scampering off laughing and the people will be kinda mauled
and then someone like me gets up there at the end and says hey if a dumb ole bear could do it then don’t you think i or this idiot could too? and then i’d point at an idiot
then you get your fear and your laughs and your science because bears can open doors.
i love it how i have the sort of platfrom where i could write about people made out of garbage and impaled orangutans by unicorn horns and someone somewhere has two cents to chip in about it basically one-upping my mental retardations one day at a time.
ps. orangutan is the stupidest word.
pps. i’m going to tag one day at a time at the end of every sentence i say in real life from now on like how i said i was going to put a moral at the end of every blog post a year ago and when i went through my archives i noticed that i more or less stuck to that for a good little while, maybe i should bring back morals?
the moral of this post is i like chimay beer because it’s like a champagne bottle of beer for $6.30 and it has momentarily made me a comedian.
alicia wore the lederhosen i didn’t wear but in skirt-form, whore.
celebration dinnerskies at bar mercurio (<3)
we did it cheap-like, no wine.
the best carpaccio in toronto i say.
told ya.
we saw on citytv that there is a prowler in our neighbourhood, fil says that means a peeping tom, i freaked out and asked a thousand questions then we got in another mini-argument cos it was only mentioned in the ticker and i wanted to know more MORE and fil was irritated, dude i am alone by myself all day long of course i want to know more about this show a little concern too!
the walls are depressingly bare now so i came up with a solution.
then it was time for reading in bed, something in the book made me cry so i decided to take some pictures, i know, deep stuff here kids.
uh oh a visitor.
also, what does a prowler look like? the villain from meet the robinsons all hunched over in a black coat tip-toeing? im fantasizing over jumping off the balconey onto his back and wrestling him into a pretzel and calling the police and then getting an award and having his leather jacket framed on the wall.
ooh i was just informed that i am also in the print copy of the eye weekly check page 6 go get yourself a hundred copies, finally, a reason to go outside today. update, it’s no big deal just a teaser to get you to go to the website to read the article, not even a link to my blog!
ps. mabel (maeble? maebel? mable?) if you’re reading email me i stupidly didn’t collect any of your contact info.
i think that home alarm system companies would make more money if they had a commercial where a dude stumbles in drunk singing a song at the top of his lungs at 2 in the morning and trips the alarm and the company calls the house and the lady goes oh yeah piet set it off by mistake AGAIN he is Dronk it is not emergency and then it shows piet trying to get his shoes off in the foyer one hand on the wall in the dark bent over then he falls into the umbrella stand – this commercial is way more effective because i bet that happens all the time, the one they have now is some lady all scared saying yes there’s been a break-in and the dispatcher is all it’s ok we are sending help right away (all concerned and he really cares) like come on how many break-ins are there? zero. also having an element of humour to commercials always works, it makes the ad memorable and then everyone imitates and references it. having a drunk idiot bust through the door and set off the alarm on his own house, funny, especially if the police show up and tackle him, but what i’m proposing in the commercial is the dispatcher on the fone chuckles along with karolina over good ole piet up to his old tricks again then cut to piet fallen asleep with the oven on cooking up some booze munchies meat & cheese on a slice of bread how many eastern european stereotypes can i fit into this blog post?
fil is saying he doesn’t get how it would be more effective cos the element of fear has been removed and replaced with humour and now we are in a fight.
yes i understand that fear is an important and often-used ploy in marketing, fil thinks above humour it is more effective for an alarm system commercial, i was just trying to make a joke and now we are in the middle of giving each other the silent treatment and drinking champagne.
i don’t want to get into the whole cnn fear tactics control the people bullshit cos that’s an obvious route, i just wanted to make a drunk joke GOD.
like the cops won’t ever show up to piet and karolina’s house cos they know piet is just drunk again at 2 in the morning. the end.
last nite was a monumental success, it was busy all nite long, i made a speech (more of a three-liner because i started crying) my bar tab was free and the snacks too cos they were so impressed at how packed it was, i sold 8 paintings, one to a cool chick who just came in to party with her friends – i plan to have another party at the end of the month, a pick up your art party, no biggie, likely on the 30th.
i just spoke to my dad he said that i get the emotional crying during speeches thing from the welsh side. i stood on a mini ladder behind the bar, they turned the music down, i said thank you all for coming, gesture to room, then it felt like a roller coaster coming up my throat, i said it means a lot, then i started choking, wave the air in front of my face and said i didn’t prepare anything because i knew i would start crying and then as i said that i started crying, bunch of cameras snapping to my right, then i say fuck off to all of them or something like it and stood down. i didn’t even get to thank katarina (who is single) for helping me hang everything yesterday afternoon which was the point of saying something in the first place, as well as thanking the crooked star.
i hope i never win anything in the future ok that’s not true but you know what i mean, this is why i hide indoors with an internet connection.
thank you everyone for coming sorry if we didn’t get long enough face time, or if i talked too much, and about stupid things.
my art will be up for the rest of the month go look at it, it looks really nice and the regulars there couldn’t stop complimenting it, they said it was the first original stuff they’ve ever had up and the best (and other nice things) makes me wonder what the fuck they’ve been hanging there (sorry sweden ;)).
what else oh yeah pictures, so hung. these are fil‘s fotos i took barely any i was such a manic piece of shit, if you have any good ones of me email them please, if you have bad ones, DESTROY THEM.
mabel bought lindsay lohan, doesn’t even read my blog, just like that. my speech really moved her i guess.
zeesy and i are going to make an art trade. i was like uh i have a crush on you and she goes i have a crush on you too raymi and i had to go make it creepier by INSISTING that i had a BIGGER crush, i was klaus daimler from the life aquatic with steve zissou unnngh.
my aunt (mom’s best friend) bought my stiletto painting.
sucker
sandra, my friend since kindergarden, bought my red shirt painting.
thanks for the wine allan, and thanks gill for the champagne, and thank you wendi for more of that hair conditioner.
Dear Raymi,
iam sitting here in a little office at work and i wanted to read a bit through your blog but it is blocked cause because of pornography. i just wanted you to know that german industrie thinks raymi is a big pornstar. keep beeing it.
see you in hell darling, fp
– –
Mit freundlichen Grüßen Kind Regards
Fabian Parusel
wtf there isn’t even vagine on my blog?
oh yeah when i cried everyone rushed to hug me which made me cry more, it made me feel good, but it still made me cry even harder, then radmad told me she was proud of me and i started crying AGAIN. i know, it’s terrible, i’m terrible.
awwwwwwwwwww! shedoesthecity made me featured artist of the week.
+++
raymi is our very own superstar, a supernova actually just like Frankie Goes To Hollywood sang about. All her art is a gift to the world. That first piece with the cat in it is one of my favorite. As for comparisons to other famous artists, isn’t the point simply that when we see something that evokes a reaction we’ve known before, that we’ll refer to ideas and concepts that communicate to our listeners what we feel? I think of Toller Cranston and Gauguin for example. Toller because he’s one of a kind, and Gauguin because of her colours and subject matter. And reminded strongly of African art too – primitive and often joyously sexual. Yet none of that matters because each piece is essentially a piece of the incredible spirit that is raymi. Yes, she’s just another girl in the city, but each day she writes and paints and dances and sings and stands up for herself in a world that’s determined to crush anyone who has the arrogance and audacity to think they’re special. And she wins every time. A reminder to all of us to dare to be as we wish to be.
learning to wear a ponytail again, gives me a headache after 2 minutes.
fil is putting eye-hooks in the canvas frames right now and now i am going to do some finishing touches and hopefully not have a nervous breakdown.
one of my favourite flip flops busted, the ones that fil throws across the room at my clothing shelf if i leave them on his side of the bed (he has mental problems and issues with anality) i leave them on his side cos it is part of my post-shower ritual to go to my underwear/sock area on HIS side of the bed and then i leave them there in his “high-traffic area” we have had 12343222 fights about this.
suffice it to say he is not in mourning over my sandal like i am, these sandals i wear on my way to shower/bath time cos they are padded and absorb all the water from my feets now if i had my OWN underwear & sock area this wouldn’t happen and high-traffic area was MY thing i said first that he stole cos i am the most original person in the universe.
