emo friday

ok guess what art show party round 2 is FEBRUARY 6 at the crooked star, 202 ossington ave.

COME GET YOUR ART PARTY
COME LOOK AT THE LEFT OVERS PARTY
COME LOOK AT RAYMI PARTY
COME GET WASTED PARTY

and they’re doing more snacks for me for free!
so you better come no excuses this time!

i am watching this right now and laughing at the part when cid shows up.

dear raymi

-At which points in your daily routine does your life end, and blogs begin?

i asked fil how to answer this and he said “the minute you turn on the computer in the morning” then i got mad because i didn’t think he was taking it seriously enough, but then i realized i guess he’s kind of right. personally, i don’t think there is a line separating the two, i go about my business whatever it may be and if i think it’s interesting enough to share, then i’ll share it. my life is very blog oriented and my blog is very life oriented.

-Is it cool to think that as a professional blogger, your job is to
essentially, well, live.

yeah it’s pretty neat, it can be a little overwhelming at times, like a circus monkey always having to perform, but i am basically doing what i always wanted to be doing, which is essentially “nothing”, as matthew mcconaughey said in dazed and confused L.I.V.I.N.

-At which points does the blog dictate who you are and how you behave?

i dictate the blog, over time any creation has the capacity to seem like a monster that is controlling you, i try to cool it as much as i can and not let it consume me so much (pfft), at least i don’t dream about my blog. exactly what you see on my blog is who i am, there are times when i am being over-the-top inside joke with myself facetious (typically when i am hungover/drunk-still giggles) where even i don’t know what i am really getting at, other than that, all as is.

oh i just heard of a new word, one of the new words of 2007 apparently: BLOGOLLUM – a blog that gets out of your control and starts controlling what you do.

And, for the record also: i actually do my best to vote for you when i
can……blog award…stuff….

thanks bro!

Best,

david

oh and don’t forget to vote and spread the vote word thanks! here’s how:

best blog. do you want the conservatives to win?

best personal blog. i open up to you i share my feelings i make it personal you know?

best humour blog. yes yes i’m a funny guy i make the jokes.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog. dude bought a pro camera for lots of coin and he has to deal with me, give him something.

all day long all i could do was obsess over sharing a meat platter with fil, i googled hundreds of pictures of meat platters, driving myself crazy, but he had to work a bit later and by the time we got to the hungarian restaurant the whole meat moment had passed. fil got the cabbage roll (gross!) i got perogies and “sausage” – i couldn’t even eat the sausage, i had a bite, just to taste. the last time we went there i ordered the same thing, and it’s supposed to be an appetizer, and i couldn’t eat the sausage, but i ordered it again anyway, envisioning the sausage in my mind overpowered my smarts about it, thinking i can do this.

i bought pepto bismol tablets just in case.

my kidney hasn’t really been giving me problems lately and my dodgeball pain is finally dissipating, save for my right groin muscle, does muscle pain get stronger before it goes away like how bruises get darker before they fade? i mention this because i still can’t figure out what the cause of all that nausea was before, anyway.

i watched the kurt cobain about a son film just now, and it didn’t depress me as much as i thought it would, it did make me sad, and it’s quite bittersweet. it mostly reminded me of how sad i was when i was a tween/teenager and how much i hid it because i thought it would make people think i was crazy, or i wouldn’t get a boyfriend, you know, emo before emo was emo.

i used to fall asleep with my cd player on by my head with nirvana tapes, then cd’s playing and i invented this fantasy for myself that kurt cobain wasn’t dead, it was a grand hoax and he was alive up north in canada at the cottages we used to rent over the summer (coincidentally around the corner from fil’s family cottage of his childhood/teens/adult) and i had this pristine vision of coming up to him on the dock patio area by the lake surrounded by evergreens and other up north tree-like shit and we would chat and i would somehow convince him to fall in love with me and he would see how unique and interesting i was and in this fantasy i was really good looking and cool and older or reality didn’t really matter, my age wouldn’t matter.

this is the thought i would conjure up for myself every nite when i went to bed, for months and months and years even. when you’re over-tired and sad you pay a great deal of attention to detail to your fantasies, so it could be an hour lead/build-up to the moment when i would approach him in my mind and by then i would simply fall asleep and i could just visit him again the next nite. this is what took me away every nite, in a way “saved” my fragile psyche if you will. in the movie, kurt talks about pretending he was an alien and being adopted by his family, he wanted to be from another planet so badly, and that other kids he would meet were also aliens and they missed their planets and one day would all figure out what they were supposed to do, that resonated with me so much.

about a son reminded me of how precious your youth is.

in the interviews kurt says a lot of prophetic things that make you cringe a little, about courtney and nirvana and frances, you want to take him by the shoulders and say the right thing.

he talks about his life up until the age of 8 and how his childhood was perfect and happy and then you are wondering what the hell happened after that? you assume oh the parents fucked up right of course, my memory is a bit hazy to all the facts i used to have memorized off the top of my head like any geeky fan girl should, he mentioned at 9 he became a manic depressive and then later on describes pretty much everything about his character that i have also encountered, nervous twitches, OCD, etc. i can’t remember reading about that before, i’m sure i did, but hearing it in the movie was like a door in my mind opening onto a room i forgot even existed, i was like oh yeah, that’s why this guy was such a big deal to me, and to many more i’m sure.

le sigh.

oh and now it’s time for hope&faith my favourite show.

also, it’s safe to say that ledger had a “type”

dude pictured is not heath.

+++

why do we care so much about celebrity death, why do we get so sad, i mean, people die all the time, people we know, people we don’t. i think it’s tough to deal with your feelings over someone’s death you never even knew because it feels haunting, and makes you sick, like you lost a hand and now you have phantom pain, is it there, no it’s not, but you feel it still. when celebrities die it forces us to look at ourselves, something we don’t particularly enjoy doing, that’s why we look at celebrities instead, that’s their purpose for us, and thanks to gossip entertainment blogs and magazines, we get constant updates on these persons. oh one expired, this cannot be, not allowed, basically.

i did have a point.

it feels like we know these people and that they are within our grasp and that it is actually possible to meet them, but then they die, and we realize how far away they actually are from us, and that we don’t know them, if we did we’d know they had secret drug problems, suffered from depression, real people shit.

it’s also tough when pretty people die. do you think kurt cobain’s death would have been as big a deal if he wasn’t so cute? how many people give a shit as much about elliott smith?

i didn’t want to come across as campy and i try to avoid blogging about what everyone else is blogging about, it’s like a big duuuuuuuh but i’m a sensitive person, when people die, i think about it a lot, probably too much, and i think about my life and how i will die one day and i wonder if i am suicidal too, and i probably am, i doubt i’d ever do it though, it’s a taboo subject to even discuss.

when someone dies out of the blue like that it is a tragedy, it makes you even feel a little bit guilty like, oh i should have been paying more attention to heath ledger.

when there isn’t a defined answer for something, or a reason, or even a goodbye kiss, that’s when it’s the toughest.

guilt and sadness aside from stress, i think, are the hardest things for humans to make sense of, to handle, and when you feel them both at the same time, it is an implosion in your heart. it feels like being tossed into a swimming pool wrapped in a quilt, try fighting your way out of that.

here’s a quote i memorized when i was a depressed teenager that i repeat to myself when i am extra sad and i offer it as advice to friends and loved ones:

it’s true that loneliness has a bite but the trick is to stand up in it and not be swept away.

now i’m pretty sure if/when these dudes bite it i won’t be the least bit saddened.

gill has a blog now.

i wish i could remember what i was talking about here. radmad doesn’t want me to use this picture. happy birthday!

i found the posts that i transcribed my high school jack kerouac essay to back in 2004.

part 1

part 2

i am listening to the i’m not there sountrack, it’s really good, but it’s makin’ me sad. haven’t seen the movie yet though.

girl date outfit

girl dates are stressful, probably more stressful than girl boy dates, girl friendship dates are the most stressful of all, you have to be engaging and interesting and intelligent and you have to dress pretty but not over the top, i always get really anxious when i meet new people.

seska is good people, chatty, took the edge right off, thank god. oh, and VEGAN! luckily she whipped that tidbit out of the bag in real life heh.

mine, avocado + brie, green room classic. i forget to ask for salad every time i order food at green room, i forget they come with sides.

seska’s.

if ever i say i am going on a girl date it’s pretty much 100% guaranteed that i am taking her to the green room.

GREEN ROOM: where i go to sit with girls to be awkward and miserable by. i need to get a new racket.

especially cos they played beck’s guero album THREE TIMES and then followed it up with DIDO!

just a coupl’a ma’stalkers, no biggie.

afternoon booze cruise <3.

seska had to get ready for the scandelles show by way of amy winehousing her hair.

not bad, not bad.

i’m smirking cos i slammed back hard into the hair dryer, don’t forget hand dryers protrude guys!

then fil and i went to radmad‘s birthday party at the comrade, pictures of that later.

this was sort of funny.

we saw hot hot heat and editors last nite with louis XIV at the koolhaus and most of “the crew” came out, fil was the only boy, i wonder what it’s like being a dude and smothered by all that estrogen all the time i noticed out of the corner of my eye when steve showed up, he and fil clung to each other like it was the end of the world.

HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAhAAhhahahah!

one of my favourite pastimes.

no that isn’t a freedom scarf, it is a winter scarf that resembles a freedom scarf that fil’s mom, i mean santa, gave me that fil always tries to steal because it’s a way of going along with the trend w/o selling out completely? i dunno. i never get to wear it.

last nite was greasy hair no shower nite, you should see my hair right now yikes. i also am out of the good conditioner so i have to use the crap shitty cheap stuff that takes half a bottle and still my hair turns out fucked.

here are some nye fotos duane finally got around to flickring, seriously duane what have you been doing since jan .1 assembling a clipper ship?

top 100 christian fundamentalist quotes! SCARY!

No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship satan instead. Atheists have the greatest “cover” of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are actually a different sect of Muslims.

and

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don’t think he’s ready to date yet. What’s worse is that he’s sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

dear lady, your son is gay!

If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol

and

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]

god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.

oh how nice of god to do that for us!

“Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic.”

ok boss!

Jesus is not a Jew. Jesus was Jewish.

If you refuse to help arrest faggots, you really should expect to be left behind when God comes to collect His people.

and so on. enjoy!

ok shit be serious now, round two has begun, vote for me in all these categories please:

best blog. do you want the conservatives to win?

best personal blog. i open up to you i share my feelings i make it personal you know?

best humour blog. yes yes i’m a funny guy i make the jokes.

and for philogynist:

best photo/art blog. dude bought a pro camera for lots of coin and he has to deal with me, give him something.

you only have to vote once again this time so don’t fuck up! please get as many other people as you can to vote for me for best blog cos i’m up against a stacked blog, it would be like your white trash blog against wal*mart’s blog, basically.

january 30th 11:59pm voting ends.

+++

later on this afternoon i am going on a girl date with seska. she’s smart and hot and has an intriguing career, if you’re not a complete idiot i’m sure you can figure it out.

+++

dear raymi

your book came today

so far, it’s great.

what is your first book?

can you direct me to the mustache cat drawing? i want to show my brother. i scrolled through all of december archives. and my computer made grinding noises the whole time. i couldn’t find it.

your writing/blog made me feel better about myself. i used to hide and fight against my kookiness*. but i have accepted it a little more.

*at first i wrote cookiness. the quality of being a cookie. funny.

my first book is dear raymi, it’s not in print right now, i will re-release it when my next one comes out. here is the site where i keep all my amazing ms paint masterpieces: drawingbad. tell me what your brother thinks of the mustache cat drawing it is important to know.

if i receive at least 500 emails/facebook messages/comments today telling me that i have been voted for in all of those categories, i will do a slew of ms paint drawings starting tonite and then all day tomorrow, i will make it a “thing” ok?