rob zombie at the ACC video.

i just cam back from seeing the U2 3D movie concert at the scotiabank theatre, it started at 9.30am, i know, imagine waking up to watch an almost 2 hour concert in an imax theatre. anyway it was worth it, totally amazing, and you get to wear 3D glasses that look exactly like bono’s regular shades hehehheh you feel a kinship with him. there is a four minute laser show before the movie and you’re not supposed to wear the glasses during it, it was pretty funny, unintentionally so. the concert was kind of a religious experience, well it looks like it is for the fans, and then of course bono does his whole coexist humanitarian rights blah bla spiel and you are like ENOUGH JUST SING MYSTERIOUS WAYS ALREADY! (doesn’t). all in all it is a good time even when the dude behind me was kicking the back of my chair to the beat of the last five songs (for me i felt it was five songs too long but i have wicked ADD so what can you do?) i let it go. looking at the drum kit was mesmerizing and the crowd and the lights and oh swoon. i bet my dad would really like it, i mean, i know he would. i only spent 3/4 of the time fantasizing about being bono and i know fil was pretending he was the edge (or just edge?). i think it just premiered and i have no idea how long it runs for, i would see it if you have the chance, i predict 3d concerts to be the new thing, i could be wrong, you dudes coulda been on this already and i am a johnny-come-lately but, i think it’s a really clever idea, cost-efficient and if you’re claustrophobic or hate crowds, experiencing the show vicariously is ideal. i was thinking man i should see more 3D movies then eventually and specifically only 3D and then weed out any and everything else life has to offer until i am 300lbs because 3D is that good. also imax was invented in canada.

here is some video footage from my girl date with seska, i am really bad on the spot.

ok so there’s a garbage chute on our side of the floor, beside our neighbour’s (whom we despise ask me why later) yet kitty-corner to our door and the rule is that at 10pm no garbage-chuting, fine. however. duder at the other end of the floor likes to walk his ass over to the garbage chute well after 10pm SEVERAL TIMES and it’s super loud, the metal door slams and you can hear all these hollow metal (chute/duct) echo creaky loud clangy noises when you’re watching seinfeld on the couch or king of queens etc. and you’re like haha to your boyfriend but THEN 365 days later, this dingus is still partying his garbage down the chute after 10pm.

also, i have been conducting little garbage chute experiments to test this guy (WHO ALSO WHISTLES HIS FACE OFF ALL AFTERNOON WHILE I AM WORKING (yes i actually do work on the internet outside of this blog during the day you pieces of shit) HE WALKS UP AND DOWN THE FLOOR FROM HIS UNIT TO THE CHUTE WHISTLING WITH HIS LITTLE BAGS OF GARBAGE HE SPECIFICALLY SEPARATES SO HE HAS AN ACTIVITY TO STRETCH OUT ALL DAY LONG) my experiment basically is throwing out a bag of garbage ten minutes to ten and then 95% of the time dude pops out of his door to throw out garbage.

some nites he’ll do it at 1 or 2 in the morning even HOW MUCH GARBAGE DO YOU HAVE AND WHY CAN’T YOU WAIT UNTIL THE FUCKING MORNING TO THROW IT OUT!?

anyway, i wrote a letter finally, and not on hello kitty stationary (way too obvious) i wrote it on standard lined paper 10pm is garbage chute cut-off time and an arrow pointing to the sign THAT ALREADY STATES THIS. i haven’t put it up yet because i’m a coward, also, i’m also banking on getting some surge of bravery to just pop out the door the next time he slams the chute door and saying DUDE THAT IS SO LOUD IT’S AFTER TEN STOP IT NOW! PS. STOP WHISTLING!

i bet he’s a widower or something.

ungh!

i do feel bad about being grumpy over this cos i get that the guy is clearly lonely as hell and he is always nice to me unlike every other mutant who lives here and loneliness is something i totally understand and making up little activities for yourself throughout the day to make time pass but still, still! it is wicked annoying and i guess i’m getting older cos i feel all excuse me there is a RULE about this!

i’m so not going to hang that sign.

maybe i should invite myself over and get him to put me in his will as well as every other fossil who lives in our building, i could be a billionaire by 2009.

i also suspect he has a little crush on me to which makes it even worse.

noel gave me a button he pressed of some of his hair from a haircut he gave himself once, yeah, that’s noel, totally normal.

new installment: raymi’s flickr messages.

From:

Greg
Louisville

i never reply or even check my flickr inbox, right now it shows that i have 270 unread messages (most are people adding me to their contacts) anyway, orgazmatron inspired me to send back this:

i have flickr to upload pictures for my blog
im not a fucking desperate porn star
dont be irritating

to which he responded with this gem:

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bug ya. Believe it or not, I’m an intelligent caring person who loves all of the arts especially written & music. I collect books and I read constantly. I realize my pics are closer to porn (actually, you’d be giving me more credit than due) than yours ever in a million light years could be of which are art pure and simple. I use flikr on the other hand for a release of tension and anxiety, call it an addiction if you will. I’ve read your blog and I count myself as a fan of your words and pics. Some of your pictures are erotically charged. You know as well as anybody that when you do the same things over and over, it tends to stagnate. In other words, lose the safety net. Just my opinion but if your going to show your tits periodically, why not show the whole package sometimes. That is not porn, that is nude and that is art as well. Big difference. Not to mention your unique beauty would preclude it from remotely being called something as base as porn. I won’t bother you or contact you again and once again I am sorry if I offended you.

Greg

barf. i haven’t replied, here (nsfw!) is what his flickr looks like, and pretty much represents 85% of the flickr community, these people don’t get that it is a tool used for something other than corny “couples” searching for muff.

next.

From:

Hi honey! You´re very beautiful and i would like to tribute you, please. What do you think about?

didn’t respond but hmm what does he mean by tribute? he’s no longer active on flickr so fortunately i can’t link to his page, which solely consisted of pictures of girls, their clothing, face, ass, tits on his monitor with his spooge all over the screen. no thanks!

oh look a letter from orgazmatron from november:

From:

greg

oh shit one he sent ten days previous to this:

From:

greg

oh look another one from a month prior to this, fuck he’s been hounding me awhile.

From:

Greg

ok i am depressed now happy sunday.

my preferred medium is prejudice.

we watched once last nite finally, we’ve had a promo copy of it for a long time now. it’s a really touching film, endearing, and bittersweet, great music too, i’ll have to dig around for the soundtrack i KNOW we have it too.

yesterday was supposed to be clean the condo day but we were too hung and pathetic for that, fil was wrecked more than i was, the previous nite he drank three mouthfuls of jager. which reminds me, he has this toothpaste for sensitive teeth that smells a bit like jager and makes my stomach heave every morning when i’m rooting through the cabinet for my toothpaste. hahaha “morning” more like afternoon.

so i guess today is murderous cleaning rampage day, i hope fil forgets.

kind of punky brewster right now, i told fil i felt eccentric he went oh great.

i am wearing a skirt as a shirt.

we are bigger star wars fans than you are because we live with an ewok.

we are having jerk pork tenderloin (half price!) for dinner tonite then i discovered this hot sauce fil got as a gift that we haven’t tried yet (only after fil marinated the pork in jerk sauce). it’s soooo good. (i have a bit of a tummy ache now though) i used it in lieu of tabasco for my caesar. ps. the smirnoff caesars are better than the mott’s ones because they’re free of all those chemicals, they’re really pure and clean tasting and then you can just add your own heat to ‘em. oh we also got a 14 pack of honey garlic sausages for half price too, if you were ever wanting to blogspot us at loblaws check near the discount meats dude, fil haunts that section like a banshee.

Hi Raymi,

I’m sure you get a ton of these emails every day and this is nothing different but maybe you will read this anyway and put up with my craziness for a second?

Also, it’s 5pm and I’m on my thirs glass of Baja Rosa which for some reason knocks me on my ass.

Thats how I managed to get up the nerve to write you.

I know, crazy!

I don’t know what I really want to say other than… wow, you are a really impressive lady. Obvious physical stuff aside I’m so impressed with your blog and I just finished reading Marketable Depression and they’re both inspiring. In your book, I really liked the story about the boy and the autistic girl… except the ending but maybe clichéd endings were what you were trying to convey? I am too drunk right now to really think about it but seriously your creativeness and how you manage to make everything you’ve done and every random thought you seem to have is a skill I wish I had.

I’m moving to Toronto in a few months… I’ve been living in Hamilton which blows and I’m originally from Winnipeg which is only slightly better. Anyway since I am moving I hope to maybe make it to one of your parties or even check out your stuff at the Crooked Star if it’s still there by the time that I am living there and have time to visit.

I almost went to Blockstock and Ramioke but wussed out because I am afraid to meet you and have you think I am idiot. I know, right? The fact that I am drunk-emailing you should be enough to back up that fact but whatevs. I am drunk and sounding pretentious now so I should probably end it.

You remind me of alot of the people I used to know. Cool, adventurous, bold, creative…

Eugh now I sound like I’m kissing your ass.

See why I didn’t do this before? Haha.

Lame.

Keep blogging and kicking ass!

-Alys

i love “fanmail” i really do dont feel embarrassed
i am going to blog your email

your pal raymi
dont be no stranger

this is the most disgusting thing i have heard in a long time.

Jamie: it was good — tiny, too, though
all those fancy places always have small portions

me: gay
art is for looking at
food is for eating
pretentious
next time i go to a place like that ill eat a hamburger somewhere else first to fill up, then order a minimalistic whatever on some huge retarded white plate then rearrange everything on the plate and send it back and say F to the waiter, pass it on to the chef

Jamie: ha

me: you know how they pile everything on top of each other, stacked
spread it all out
or move it all to the left
this is why i dont have friends

Jamie: you have a million friends

me: real friends
ones that would tolerate that

Jamie: tolerate it? ha, i would encourage it

…

jamie: i wasn’t thinking of you specifically when i made that 25 year old comment

He thought Deborah was being melodramatic the way a young girl might get about her 25th birthday. “How old are you?” he asked.

me: well i will be 25 soon
way to rob me of the significance

Jamie: but you know, a 50 year old will make fun of a 35 year old who complains about getting old

me: it sucks being the youngest out of everyone cos they always shush u when u moan about getting older

Jamie: it’s all relative

me: like one day ill wake up and be 40
but then i remember oh right im the youngest BURN

+++

new verb.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungh i need a cheeseburger.

“marge, make a pot of coffee, drink it, then start making burgers.”

fil needs that jacket so that i can make fun of him until the end of time for it. gill generously reminded us all about this last nite:

grand analog.

major maker.

i have two great stories to share later when i regain some of my marbles. one story involves a dude cartwheeling from the dance floor into two chicks and the other story involves me crying in the green room. yes even i am still amazed by my continuous ability at reaching new lows.

thanks to me, we listened to a guns ‘n roses CASSETTE i dug out of a box and once i figured out how to rewind then fast forward and rewind it again we listened to patience ten million times.

spooky nitetime steamwhistle brewery.

i’m like, why is there a bra here? oh right. ok WHY is there a jock strap here?

see the guy in the old man plaid hat the same as mine? he made me cry. booze might have assisted in that too.

nice salt ‘n pepa joke gill.

another one of my favourite things to discuss with lindy every time i see him is how great it is that one of major maker’s videos has captured fat raymi and time capsuled her for ever and ever and no it does not make me bitter at all.

oh yeah i did my signature look what i can do move where i have a full pint or bottle of beer and i double 360 degree rotate/twirl it from my right hip inward then back up and over my head but this time i did it for strangers and sloshed it all over the floor every time which of course inspired me to try again to PROVE i could spill more beer everywhere.

SEACREST OUT!