i’ll save the shittiest one for last
bluh. wickedly bored right now, thanks family day for the phantom-monday feeling! stay tuned for three short-shorts videos starring this guy, w/ three whole costume changes and all the same honky dance moves unfortch! and my stupid fucking signature i am dancing dance face for good measure.
goin’ downhill bloggin’ yee-haw!
songs danced to are: runaround sue, fashion, and why do fools fall in love.
ok sometimes fil and i will find ourselves sitting at a bar (i know strange phenomena that) and after ten minutes of pure silence i pipe up and say oh i have a new game we can play, and then he sighs and feigns boredom (typically my games revolve around using the alphabet, that’s as creative as i get) and says let me guess do we use the alphabet for it? yes, yes we do. anyway this recent one i came up with was using the alphabet (just to come up with ideas) pick a movie (A airplane, B big lebowski, C cape fear etc.) and then we get in a fight over who was the best character/actor in that film and even if it ends in violence we do not carry on to the next movie until someone has won. we grew sick of this came pretty quick, all the mental energy i spent on merely inventing it capped me, plus it was valentine’s day and i get distracted by spying on other people’s conversations pretty easy.
here are the few movies we argued over, oh, and we did NOT use the alphabet so shut up fil!
True lies – tom arnold wins, we both agreed from the start
american pie – stifler, though the one who bangs his mom close second, but i came to the conclusion his character was a little over the top and not really that original, was merely off-set by the existence of stifler, take stifler out of the equation and there is no requirement of the defensive chip on his shoulder. chris klein and that other sucky kid who isn’t jason biggs, worse characters ever, i think he was in that baseball movie right, ugh i want to punch him.
life aquatic – obvs. bill murray, though close second is impossible to determine, jeff goldblum is amazing, but so is owen wilson
zoolander -ben stiller, fil wanted to say billy zane to piss me off then i knew this game was close to over.
dumb and dumber – this one i’m hazy about, because jim carey is basically ace ventura in this movie except with a bowl haircut and a buddy, it’s a buddy film, which are hard to determine who does the better job cos both dudes are integral in supporting the other’s performance. i think the fact that jeff daniels put on a ton of weight for this role is awesome, i want to pick him but i can’t decide and thus the game ends cos fil is totally not caring at this point.
then we did friends cos it’s on 7 times a day now, we decided chandler is the funniest, and ross is too like fil or fil is too like ross for him to be chosen period. so chandler wins.
and ok um, seriously!?
what are you a gremlin?
stop!
and while i’m at it, what’s up dood?
we are at gill’s and watching the dark crystal and apparently i look like a gelfling and gill finally has the internet, i will update some more progress as it occurs. many people forgot to hit the booze stores to stock up for today so there’s some funny leftover boozes here. oh man this movie is so fucked up i cannot follow it at all. tiffany said that it is snowing now. brad claire mark britt and fil are also here. i think someone in my comments said once that i looked like a gelfling i just told everybody and they all laughed. i’m drinking 45% vodka with gatorade. there is a little animal named pisscake in this movie. i forgot to tell you i dropped and exploded a bottle of gatorade on saturday nite at the variety store. wow i hate this movie and i am holding in all my (i think are funny) funnyisms there’s something about this group of people where i feel compelled to be talking the entire time and being all jokesy like how pitt must feel all the time. everyone is too lazy to change the movie i want to watch pretty in pink we are actually watching vhs.
ok dazed & confused is next.
ok we watched the notebook after d & c and now we are watching dig! which is a doc film about the dandy warhols vs. brian jonestown massacre and their feud, two bands admittedly i know nothing and honestly care nothing about and am pretty much in the dark about. we’re all pretty trashed and ploughing through snacks. the brian j town dudes have a lot of heinous embarrassing footage i kind of can’t deal.
gill and i cried our heads off to the notebook while everyone laughed, everyone seems to be cruising on hangover fumes + trying to get drunk on family day leftovers. brad brought a 2-4 compliments of steamwhistle.
so far both of these bands are huge babies though it’s not as bad as that metallica movie, well it is but in a different way, it’s more pretentious.
ok turns out i know who the dandy warhols are.
people who smoke on their lunch breaks at work, or anyone really who smokes out in public in the day where i can see them, look ridiculous and stupid and make me feel really dirty. i’ve always felt this way. like have some decency and go hide in a back alleyway or something you look disgusting and embarrassing especially all hunched over in the cold in nothing but your white work shirt, yeah your life sucks you hate your job, don’t bring me down about it too buddy.
it makes me physically cringe because all i can think about is how this person fantasized about sneaking away from their desk for thirty minutes prior to exploding out the door, full-blown obsessed over the thought, and even gathered a few others to make it into a big activity and so there they all stand on the pavement with sour looks on their faces cos they are never satisfied and never will be and this cigarette they spent all morning dreaming about is halfway done and they have to collect themselves and go back upstairs to reading my blog and leaving me fat comments telling me to get a real job like them, i dunno, what’s worse is the lone smokers who cross their arms over their chests and stare into the middle-nothing distance and one arm is bent up in the air like so and they look like they are trying to just disappear into the ground or just be vaporised, just take me now god. those guys kill me the most.
maybe i consider things too much, i just know that during the day smoking makes you feel like that’s what you’re going to be doing every day for the rest of your life and then you get a head rush and feel nappy.
and then there are the smokers who are purely bitter because they started smoking cos they thought it would make them cool, and it didn’t, and now they’re stuck with this habit. the only people who look cool when they smoke are the people who were cool to begin with and smoking is just an extension of that and the others are just dumb enough to fall into it and say i want me some of that, yeah.
another irritating thing is the division of smokers and non-smokers, from the perspective of the smoker, i’ll talk about it later.
i will be 25 at the end of march, i feel really old, because of chicks like elizabeth who name-drop being young every two minutes i have developed a complex about it. sigh.
oh one of the barenaked ladies emailed me at least and invited me out to karaoke last nite but i didn’t check my email cos i am a www junky and have to force myself little breaks here and there, so turns out when i met him at the ‘shoe for the 60th anniversary party when i thought wendi blew it for us, she didn’t. success!
the pube comes to tea.
+++
suburban white people birthday dinner party
then there was some bragging about the ability to make people levitate.
i said ok fine i believe you you don’t have to do this i don’t want someone to get hurt.
they were quite determined.
aw maybe next time doods!
oh sophie <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
she likes me the best because i can make my voice high-pitched munchkin-like and she thinks i am fil’s mom.
we are going back to the ‘burbs today to look at fil’s sister’s and fiancee’s new house and then to dinner with aimee at her new house. who is psyched about family day tomorrow, most hilarious holiday name ever! ONTARIO ONTARIO ONTARIO you’re awesome.
merkley???: whats the name of your flakey cbc contact?
HEY RAYMI!
me: hi
]um
merkley???: thats a name?
me: ***********
merkley???: oh
haha
they guessed it was him when i said that you said he was lazy
me: HA
u said i said that!
in what context
merkley???: i said i had a friend who had been approached by the show a long time ago but that the dude never really followed through
anyway — i got them wasted
me: and then when u told me about it, it sparked rage so i emailed him
and then second time around no dice
oh great he will get fired now
merkley???: yeah i mentioned things to that affect
me: well did it inspire your guy to do a piece on me at least
merkley???: you already have a guy
my guy would be stepping on toes
me: well my guy is never going to fucking do it
can u tell him i want your guy
merkley???: but basically — i just wanted to say HAHA HA HA I GOT ON THE HOUR BEFORE YOU!!!
me: do you want me to kill myself
can i put this on my blog
to shame my guy
merkley???: maybe you can just cut your arm a bit
yeah you can post it
except for this next part
me: i am this century’s most unrecognized under appreciated artiste
merkley???: ************************
me: oh **********
well dont they do that to butter you up anyway
merkley???: i also name dropped matt good
you know — canadian steeze
me: oh god
this is depressing me
what did they say when u talked about me i need to know
merkley???: and the guy said he might come back and shoot me again for another show or segment called “portraits of canadians” or “canadian portraits” or some shit
me: u played the canadian card!
omg imposter
merkley???: i am canadian you know
i travel on a canadian passport
me: well it doesnt count cos you never lived here really
you are more american
merkley???: anyway == neither of them had heard of you and i told them that i know more about their town than they do
me: good
fucking cbc
merkley???: but apparently ****** has a rep for being lazy
me: im going to move to the country and live in a hen house
well yeah
i told him my time is almost up
to get on it
im just going to send him harassing emails
i just did
i just went
“well…..”
ok i have to go get ready
this is how cool i am
i just listened to a voicemail my dad left me, i gave my niece a bunch of my r.l. stine books, he said on page five i circled the word blur. yes, in homage to my favouritest band as a tweenager, outside of nirvana.
i can’t believe i have never visited their website before. wow, it’s terrible.
