worst/best performance of my life.

i sat on this since JULY 30 and only brought myself to watch it last week when steph was over and she gave it the thumb’s up so if anyone hurts my feelings over it, her fault. i am completely blameless. thing is, i love a song and i listen to it a lot, i play it over and over and fantasize about being in a movie and this song is playing and then i get ADD and forget about my fantasy, so i have to start the song from the beginning again and get right back into that field of green grass and whimsical sunny sky, perfect pilgrim dress, my fantasy movie stars me and all it is about is me lying down virgin suicides style. point being, i never learn how to sing my fantasy soundtrack songs because i NEVER GET THROUGH THEM IN THEIR ENTIRETY AND THEN I GET BLASTED AND GO TO KARAOKE AND HERE YOU GO YOU’RE WELCOME!

to be fair i actually wasn’t that ripped but i am pretty sure this performance is partly the reason why the bouncer decided matt was (though he wasn’t)(but always appears to be) and also at this exact moment in time the bouncer was telling matt he was cut off. is this one of those full circle moments? i kind of want to erase this from my memory so feel free not to mention anything about it, or the fact that the karaoke host is a dick who constantly tries to upstage me every time i go there and plays this raymi is crazy shtick way too much. anyway, that place is cut off. on to the annex wreckroom.

hung.

this is the last picture taken on my camera from last nite.

last nite was WEIRD to say the least. super fun though don’t get me wrong.

first time in casa loma, spent with hundreds of swanky people who may or may not have been douches, i’m leaning towards may. a great time was had no doubt, free booze, food, lots to gawk at. the red carpet chick made a big deal of saying WELL ONCE ROSE MCGOWAN LEAVES IT’LL GET BETTER. i’ll tell you more once it comes back to me. before that was the bearsuitpublishing anniversary party at the drake, good turn-out. i didn’t even want to go out last nite, i whined all day about it, needing to save up my magical powers for tonite, but no no no, fil wants to go, so we go, and now i am blasted hung out of my mind. the nites you want to go gentle typically end so hardly. which means tonite i am going to be, interesting. ps. EU-REWUN is going it is going to be bananers.

my hat received a boatload of attention and it also helped that i was dressed like marty mcfly. the humour of being a scumbag amongst privileged youth and oldies will never be lost on me. it just blows their minds. i also had a pretty woman moment in the bathroom with the attendant, no one was tipping her, i had three bucks in my pocket and i thought i would do her a good one and tip her as loudly as possible to get the ball rollin’ (big line) and i am washing my hands really slow and, no towel is thrust at me, so i take my time turning off the faucet, AND NO TOWEL. so i throw my money in the plate and the attendant blushed like crazy. yeah that’s right, people who look homeless have manners, more so than these chicks who’ve been treating you like you’re invisible all nite long.

once they cut off booze these were pretty tempting.

blurry beautiful garden

earlier at the drake.

HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHa

i just sent this out to all the guests i sent invites to for tomorrow’s thing so sorry if you read it already NOT SORRY!

hey kids

i just chatted with the karaoke guy we rented and oh man, he made me big time NERVOUS, but huge comedy potential in him, you’ll see, but then i spoke with warren (shit from hell president) and he squared away my fearsicles. (dude thinks we are taking turns hosting, p’shhh)

basically, tomorrow nite is going to be EPIC. we start it off with a couple hours of solid gold karaoke, then shit from hell hits the stage about 10.30/11 and will be so plastered by then, awesome, then 45 mins later we are back on karaoke track for the rest of the eve.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO WEAR?! SING?

OMG PEOPLE BYE SEE YOU TOMORROW!

RAYMIOKE/DRUNKAOKE + SHIT FROM HELL SHOW CD LAUNCH PARTY

EYE SMILE TIME

alright so if you are driving in your car and your arm is out the window, is that for my benefit? not being your passenger, i mean, i’m on the sidewalk and i see you roll up in your whatever the fuck mobile and your wrist is sticking out like that, where do i send the thank you for letting me know you are a cool mother effer note?

this was funnier in my head two nites ago before i fell asleep, anyway, hang tight there’s more.

so like, ugh, i can’t even finish this.

you actually achieve the opposite of the desired result in hanging your goddamn arm out your window, you look like a wiener, you do not look like the stereotypical and universal image of cool when you do that (black ray bans, grease-style white t-shirt, pack of smokes tucked in the sleeve), you look like a little kid actually on your first day out of the house after a week of being grounded. also, don’t make eye contact with me, it’s awkward, i don’t want you to know that i acknowledged your arm and its intentional FORCED attempt at casualty, please stop.

you are only allowed to jam your arm out the window if you are the passenger and a feeling of euphoria overcomes you riding down country dirt roads and santana is blasting out the speakers and you do that magic carpet ride arm fighting the wind thing so that cars behind you can know that you are the most whimsical traveler ever.

also hello, driving with one arm is dangerous.

sorry for the harsh, i’m just trying to help here people.

so yesterday was pretty damn stressful i wish i had a huge weather balloon to throw myself on and deflate really fast and loud and then be thrown across the sky like in cartoons, that kind of stressed? i also have the stress zits to show for it. so in honour of said stress we stress ate some delicious bad foods.

then i put on an outfit inspired by kool-aid and went to lobby (first time). what do you wear to a phony try-hard richie rich desperate to spot celeb bar? red pants. one other guy had the same idea.

i don’t even want to talk about how expensive our drinks were.

we were kicked out of the bottle service only area when these boring blondes came over, no prob our drinks are done. made fun of as many people as we could then left. thanks for the g list hook-up alicia.

went to the bedford but it was full of back to school/in town wieners so to the duke instead.

we discussed our past glory days of concerts attended, so geeky.

fil ignores me for sudoku.

terrible hush puppies from the other day.

there was 47 minutes of genius sean edited down to this. he cut out a lot of my good moments FOR SOME REASON and two other of his journal entries. i think i wasn’t hard enough on him.

i don’t have time to blog today. just a short story about my loner dinner/snack/beer experience yesterday during happy hour at cluck grunt and low, fuck that scene is lame, more like fuck cunt and blows, anyway, i had the 5 dollar (happy hour price) hush puppies (yuppies) and a 3.50 canuck, i waited forever for these bland pieces of garbage while watching way too many employees mill about and talk about lame crap at loud decibels so i can hear their “witty” zingers. then i had to wait forever for my waitress to finish canoodling with her boyfriend RIGHT IN FRONT OF/BESIDE ME AT THE BAR (unprofessional) for her to realise i wanted my goddamn bill. that place is an overpriced rip-off daycare for wasps who want to feel like they’re getting an authentic southern experience. chick didn’t even give me cutlery. i was nice, i didn’t bicker, i took pictures of my shoes, i tipped and left. i never learn my lesson though, i always go back for more. groan.

anyway, i also have a little anecdote regarding drivers who hang their hands out of car windows but we’ll have to save it for later.

im not into jocking people but i must tell you that you are the fucking shit! you are so witty and clever. you hit the nail right on the head. i always feel like u say the exact things im thinking..well with that canadian ‘twang’ or whatever it is im reading. sorry im not exactly sure of your whereabouts! ive only just started reading your blog. i dont read blogs. im too a~d~d. id rather someome else read them to me…..or better yet make a show on mtv about it..lmfao. but your blog is so entertaining that i love it and read it everyday!im loving you , im loving everything about you, im actually thinking of being you for halloween! HA… kidding. but you def need your own show.
clearly!
keep up the good work BIIIITCH!
XOXOX
~saige

thanks!

oh yeah my dad said he reads my blog everyday now and is my number 1 fan.

so no more tits guys.

hahaa

aw